Travel Logs & Unsent Letters
by xxDustNight88
Summary: A companion piece to Teardrops & Teacups, this story is a collection of unsent letters and travel logs that Hermione wrote over the course of her four year journey to find inner peace. The letters and logs portray exactly how dark and lost Hermione was feeling during this time, along with moments of happiness and inspiration after having her heart broken.
1. Part I: 2006

**Author's Note:** Okay, so here I was thinking that Teardrops  & Teacups was finished. As I was planning out Empire, I realized how big of an impact T&T would have on that plotline later one. Looking back at T&T I realized just how many errors there were and that it needed to be edited/revised. Well, that totally inspired a discussion between starrnobella and me. Turns out, there's more to this story than meets the eye!

So, here we are. This is the first chapter of one of TWO companion pieces to T&T. This story will probably be darker than T&T ever was; in fact, I know it is. PLEASE check the trigger warnings. Also, to my readers of T&T (and the other parts of the WwT series) welcome back! I hope you enjoy this story. To my new readers, welcome to the ride! There will be four chapters that coincide with the chapters (years) of T&T and I will post a chapter as I edit T&T and write this. The second companion piece is going to take me a while longer and will be started after the completion of this four part tale.

I want to thank **starrnobella** for inspiring this story and beta reading like a rock star! She is also the amazing person who wrote the articles and addendums for this story! You're fantastic and I love you more than words! I want to thank **Squarepeg72** for alpha reading and sending me copious amounts of pretty things like quote aesthetics and songs to hit me in the feels. I must also thank **SaintDionysus** for creating an epic T &T playlist for me and sharing T&T on tumblr. I love that you call Teardrops & Teacups Hermione's Eat. Pray. Love. story… It really is, and I think this new piece will show everyone just how much it really is!

Enough rambling…onto the story! Please leave lovely feedback when you're done! xxDustNight

 **Disclaimer:** All non-original characters, plot points, and information belongs to J.K. Rowling. The cover photo is a mashup I created from photos found on Google. The story plot and dialogue belong to me. I do not write for profit.

 **Full Summary:** _A companion piece to Teardrops & Teacups, this story is a collection of unsent letters and travel logs that Hermione wrote over the course of her four year journey to find inner peace. The letters and logs portray exactly how dark and lost Hermione was feeling during this time, along with moments of happiness and inspiration after having her heart broken._

 **Trigger Warnings:** Adultery, Depression, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Threesome - F/M/M, Threesome - F/F/M, Near Death, Minor Character Death, Light Dom/sub, Mildly Dubious Consent, Infidelity, Suicidal Thoughts, Dark, Angst, Miscarriage

 **Playlist:** htt*ps:*/ope* *tify.c*om/u*ser/1246*401351/pla*ylist/4Kbud*Jyqif4ZrKeu0ao*IsL

 _ **Travel Logs & Unsent Letters  
**_ **Pairing:** Hermione/Multi _ **  
**_ **Rating: M  
Companion Pieces to **_**Teardrops & Teacups**_ **  
Mini-Fic/Prequel to** _ **Wolves without Teeth  
**_ **Part One:** 2006  
 **Song Recommendations:** "Hide and Seek" by Imogen Heap, "Over My head" by The Fray, "Hurt" by Christina Aguilera, "Not Ready to Make Nice" by the Dixie Chicks, "Animal I have Become" by Three Days Grace, "Be Without You" by Mary J. Blige, "So Sick" by Ne-Yo, "Too Little Too Late" by JoJo, "Waiting on the World to Change" By John Mayer

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" _Tea: a few minutes' peace amongst the constant battles of life_ _._ "  
— _Terri Guillemets  
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 _Travel Logs & Unsent Letters  
Part One: 2006_

 **24 December 2005: Unsent letter to Draco Malfoy**

 _Draco,_

 _I'm not certain how to get across exactly the way I'm feeling right now. I want you to know that I wish you all the happiness in the world. I always have, and I always will; but a part of me aches for that happiness to be with me. It wasn't supposed to be this way, you know? Our fairy tale was only just beginning, and now… Now it's a broken mess._

 _I guess I'm writing you to say… I love you. Please, don't go through with this marriage. There has to be some way, some loophole we missed in the betrothal contact. We were supposed to be forever, that's what you said. We had plans, wishes, dreams of forever. Don't...don't let me go, Draco. I can't go through this life without you._

 _Love,_

 _Hermione_

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 **1 January 2006: Travel Log #1**

 _ **Sydney, Australia**_

 _Traveling again… This time without searching for Horcruxes or the threat of Voldemort down my back. Only, I don't feel any less scared. This time it's a different type of frightened. I'm so terrified of what the future holds, especially since I thought I had it all figured out. Brilliant job at the Ministry and a handsome man on my arm. Who would have guessed eight years after the bloody war and Pureblood idiocy would still manage to make my life a living nightmare?_

 _I've arrived in Sydney to stay with my parents for a while. I think it will do me some good to be away from London and all the papers flashing news about the wedding of the decade. It should have been different, a different story, a different bride… I'm going to try to keep from thinking about it. This is a new year, and I hope it brings new beginnings, or at least gives me reason to move forward from this heartache._

 _Either way, I know I'll be okay in the end._

 _I've survived worse things than a broken heart._

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 **3 January 2006: Travel Log #2**

 _ **Bondi Beach, Sydney, Australia**_

 _It's early. So early the sun has barely risen and already there are a smattering of people on the beach. Mostly, they're running, or walking, or just taking in the sunrise. A few of the restaurants are open for breakfast, allowing the early morning stragglers to get a small bite to eat or a fresh cup of coffee. I'm more of a tea person. I found a lovely little teacup at a random shop this morning. It has the Australian flag painted delicately on its surface. I don't know what made me buy it; it's not like I can use it to drink tea. Maybe, when I finally return home, I'll place it on my mantle to remember this vacation. Alas, the day is young and my mum will be wondering where I am. I suppose it's time to return to the house._

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 **14 January 2006: Unsent Letter to Draco Malfoy**

 _France is one of my favorite places to visit._

 _Did you know that when you decided to take her there for your honeymoon, or was it her idea? I can picture the two of you strolling through the Louvre, hand in hand as you gaze at art as beautiful as you._

 _Did you kiss her at the top of the Eiffel Tower? Did you make love to her in your special suite, hoping to conceive a child while the city of lights illuminated your bodies through the window?_

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 **25 January 2006: Travel Log #9**

 _ **Sydney, Australia**_

 _Deciding to stay in Australia has been a wonderful idea. Maybe I'll never return to dark, old London. I can visit the beach with my mum and go to the flea market with dad. I can almost forget the pain and heartache that I left behind. I think I can do some good work for the Wizarding world as a whole if I can just get my head together. As I sit in my bedroom, I imagine a world that's not governed by societal norms created by Purebloods of the past._

 _If I never return, I can easily forget._

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 **31 January 2006: Unsent letter to Ron Weasley**

 _There are days when I remember what it felt like to hold your child within me. I remember the joy, the nervousness, the hope. Then, I quickly remember what it felt like to have that all fall to pieces in the blink of an eye. How can you look at me, even now, after all the time that has passed, and know that my body failed you-us!? I'm sorry, Ron. I wish I'd been stronger...that the effects from the Cruciatus hadn't cursed me this way._

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 **11 February 2006: Unsent letter to Draco Malfoy**

 _I've started something, Draco._

 _I will set you free._

 _I promise._

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 **14 January 2006: Travel Log #13**

 _ **Sydney, Australia**_

 _Mum and dad took me to the Opera House tonight. It was beautiful! We saw Kiki and Herb and it was exactly what I needed to break through this fog I've found myself drowning in. It's hard to believe how much can change in a year but change it has. I'm not quite sure how to feel at the moment so I am going to join my parents for one last cuppa before heading to bed. At least I'm not alone._

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 **26 February 2006: Unsent letter to Kingsley Shacklebolt**

 _Minister,_

 _I am resigning as Head of the Magical Law Enforcement Department. I will not be returning. You may donate the items in my office to charity. I apologize for any inconvenience this may cause._

 _Thank you,_

 _Hermione J. Granger_

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 **26 February 2006: Unsent letter to Draco Malfoy**

 _Fuck off. Don't be so daft, Draco. Keep your job. It makes no difference either way. I'm not staying away because of you, I'm staying away because I don't trust myself to be around you without falling to pieces. I'm still desperately in love with you and I hate myself for it._

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 **15 March 2006: Unsent letter to Harry Potter**

 _Why the bloody hell would I want to come back to celebrate St. Patrick's Day? I think I'll pass this year, Harry. I know you want to cheer me up, but I know he will be there with_ _ **her**_ _. No, it's best that I stay away. Alcohol and unrequited love is a recipe for disaster._

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 **17 March 2006: Travel Log #20**

 _ **London, England**_

 _I'm back in London for a short time. I'll be spending the evening drinking and catching up with mates from school. I'm not sure whether this is a great idea or the worst of all. Either way, I'm planning on staying for a while. I've missed Harry, Ron, and Ginny. When I am with them, everything almost seems normal. I have much work to do in order to eradicate all the Pureblood Laws, but I can take off one night for pleasure._

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 **18 March 2006: Travel Log #21**

 _ **London, England**_

 _Last night was a horrid mistake. I drank far too much and let_ _ **them**_ _get to me. I remember bits and pieces, fragments really, of the aftermath. It felt wonderful to be in Draco's arms once more. His cologne coupled with the scent of apples consumes me even now. I don't care that I cried myself to sleep or that I woke up alone… He brought me home and made sure I was safe. Surely that means he still cares? Maybe all this research I've started won't go to waste. Maybe once I've finished eradicating all the bloody laws Draco will come back to me. I'll make a fresh cup of tea and then get to work… A hangover never stopped me before._

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 **19 March 2006: Travel Log #22**

 _ **London, England**_

 _I feel like I've broken all over again. How can one person suffer so much? Being here is nowhere as easy as I thought it would be. I've not left the flat since after the party, and I have no desire to do so. They'll be worrying about me at work, but I can't find it in myself to care. I'll probably lose my job, but at this point, it doesn't matter. In fact, I have no clue how long my side project is even going to take. I fear it will take much longer than anticipated. There's so much research involved, not to mention the sleepless nights, more traveling, and writing draft upon draft of the addendum itself. I will have to find some sort of balance between it all lest I lose myself in the process._

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 **28 March 2006: Travel Log #25**

 _ **Ministry of Magic, London, England**_

 _I've forgotten how chilly it is in the library vaults of the Ministry. I have my thick robes on plus a warming spell cast, and I am still chilled to the bone. I've found some interesting information regarding the earliest instances of Pureblood marriages. As it turns out, they used to cast a spell on the first born son in a family. Upon his 18th birthday the magic activated within the wizard. He then had until his 21st birthday to find a suitable wife. I suppose that is where the deadline clause in Draco's betrothal contract came from. Luckily, the spell was outlawed in the early 1500's, but the practice lives on. I will have to keep looking for more information on this. I'm entirely intrigued, but also absolutely revolted. All this just to ensure an heir for the bloodline? It's madness._

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 **2 April 2006: Unsent letter to Ron Weasley**

 _Ron,_

 _If you were so worried about me, why didn't you come talk to me? I hate that you feel like you have to talk about me behind my back. Have I really changed so much since Draco was taken from me? We're friends, Ron. You don't have to act like this. Please, just… I need you to talk to me. I could use someone to talk to about all of this. I really could. I feel so alone. Maybe it's time to go back to Sydney._

 _Hermione_

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 **5 April 2006: Unsent letter to Draco Malfoy**

 _Draco,_

 _Oh, look at me… I am an absolute disaster without you. You kept me together when I needed it the most. Now, my friends don't talk to me and I'm running away all the time. It's both a blessing and a burden that my parents live so far away from everything I know. I can escape here to get away from it all. I worry that there is something wrong with me… My friends seem to think so anyway. I need you. I need you to put my broken self back together again._

 _Hermione_

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 **20 April 2006: Travel Log #32**

 _ **Sydney, Australia**_

 _Ran into the strangest woman at the Australian Ministry this afternoon. She reminded me a bit of Luna, but with long black hair instead. Anyways, she let me sit down and interview her, but refused to tell me her name. She told me that some families still use that horrid spell that forces you to marry before your 21st birthday. The catch? It's used on_ _ **females,**_ _not the males! What a disgusting practice. This woman apparently had the spell cast on her at birth and was forced to marry her husband the day she turned 18._

 _Luckily, she has a happy marriage, but she told me she just had to speak with me once she heard what I was working on. Apparently, word has traveled here about what I am researching. When I asked her for more information, she told me she could say no further, but what she's given me is enough to implement into my addendum. I will have to work on a new draft when I get home from dinner with my parents tonight. I'm going to be heading to the west coast this weekend looking for a lead this woman gave me._

 _Supposedly there is a secret Wizarding village where you can elope if you have a betrothal contract. The church there will marry you and keep you hidden from the authorities. The woman seemed a bit jumpy when telling me about it, so I'm not sure how reliable the information is regarding its whereabouts. It's worth the look anyway. Plus, it will be nice to get away from my parents for a while...and the pitying look I get from them each time I emerge from my room with tearstained cheeks!_

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 **25 April 2006: Travel Log #38**

 _ **The University of Western Australia, Perth, Australia**_

 _Who would have thought there would be a secret Wizarding community within this University?! Certainly not me. Perth is a lovely city, by the way. In my search for the elusive wizarding church, I stumbled upon a group of young witches and wizards. They told me all about the community here and brought me to the University to talk with a few of the professors. They knew all about me, of course, having kept up with information about the second Wizarding war. It's all a bit much, but they've been very accommodating._

 _If only my friends were the same way. I received a letter from Harry today. He's rather mad that I just took off without saying where I was going or sending any letters. I still have to write back, but I needed some time to cool off before doing so. I'm trying to set up a few interviews with Pureblood marriage counselors… It's funny, really, how there are specially certified marriage counselors for the Pureblood witches and wizards but not for the Halfbloods and Muggleborns._

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 **2 May 2006: Travel Log #41**

 _ **Cottesloe Beach Hotel, Perth, Australia**_

 _I've decided to forgo attending the annual commemorative Hogwarts benefit dinner this year. I just can't wrap my head around the prospect of running into Draco and Astoria. I have no desire to get all dressed up in fancy robes and a fake smile only to suffer through an evening of pitying stares and endless questions about where I've been of late. I haven't been sleeping or eating the way I should. I should be worried, but I'm not. I'm just so numb to everything._

 _I am up to Addendum Draft #30 now. It seems like ages since I started this journey, when really it's only been a few months at most. There's so much left to research… I think I need to travel other places too, besides Australia, in order to gather more information. What about Russia? Or France? What are the marriage laws in Spain… Even the United States! This project will be endless, but it's the only thing keeping me sane right now._

 _I'm sure my friends are worried, I would be too, but this is just something I need to do. If not for Draco, at least for myself. I'll send another letter to Harry this week...and one to Ron too. If only so they don't come looking for me. I don't want anyone to see me like this right now._

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 **16 May 2006: Unsent letter to Draco Malfoy**

 _Draco,_

 _I hope that this is all worth it in the end. I haven't slept for days._ _ **Days**_ _. Endless writing of drafts. Papers scattered all over the hotel floor. Scattered pieces of my heart written into the each and every line. I've never wanted anything as badly as I want to free you from the contract you were forced to follow. Do you even miss me? Do you even want me? I can't stand being alone any longer. I need out of this place._

 _Hermione_

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 **21 May 2006: Unsent letter to Ron Weasley**

 _I am back with my parents in Sydney. Things got really dark when I was alone. I am afraid what I might have done if I hadn't come back here when I did. I'm in a bad place, Ron. I need you._

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 **23 May 2006: Travel Log #50**

 _ **Sydney, Australia**_

 _Cut this_ _ **trash**_ _out of Witch Weekly. I don't even know why I subscribe to this garbage. When the owl delivered it this afternoon and I saw the cover, I about threw a fit. It took mum three hours to coax me out of my bedroom. It shouldn't have come as a surprise. The entire point of Draco having to marry Astoria was so they could produce an heir to continue the Malfoy line. It still stings to see it's finally happened. The love of my life has moved on… Anyway, every time I read it I just want to punch Astoria in her Pureblood face. Clearly I am a horrible person. Why am I even saving this? I have officially lost it, as dad would say._

 **It's official! Baby Malfoy is on the way!**

23 May 2006

Katie Bell

LONDON - Five months after their spectacular Christmas Eve wedding, Draco and Astoria Malfoy have announced that the first heir to the Malfoy family line is on the way! The announcement comes after months of speculation since seeing Astoria leaving the maternity ward of St. Mungo's Hospital earlier this year.

When asked about their soon-to-be bundle of joy, Astoria was filled with happiness. "The timing for this pregnancy couldn't have been any better. We were just coming down from our newlywed high when we found out we were expecting, and that just raised the excitement levels even more," Astoria told reporters in an exclusive interview.

"Our families and friends have been more supportive than we ever could have imagined. Draco and I can't wait to welcome Baby Malfoy into the world. Raising a family with the love of my life is a dream come true," Astoria continued.

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 **24 May 2006: Unsent letter to Draco Malfoy**

 _I just wanted to tell you congratulations. I think you will be a great father._

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 **30 May 2006: Travel Log #52**

 _ **Sydney, Australia**_

 _Owls. Real original for a_ _ **wizarding**_ _baby shower theme. What is wrong with me? Ginny is one of my best friends! I guess it's just adding salt to an open wound, receiving the invitation to her baby shower just days after hearing Draco is going to be a father. I can't decide if I want to go or not… I don't know if I can fake a smile through that sort of event. Not right now, anyway. It's just too hard._

 **Look whooo's having a baby!**

Join us for a

Baby Shower Honoring:

 **Ginny Potter**

Sunday, June 18, 2006 at 12:30pm

The Burrow  
Hosted by Molly Weasley and Luna Scamander

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 **5 June 2006: Unsent letter to Draco Malfoy**

 _I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday. I wish I could tell you that I forgive you, and that I understand, but I don't. I want you to know that I am doing everything in my power to find a way so that this never happens to anyone ever again. No one should have to suffer like this._

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 **8 June 2006: Travel Log #53**

 _ **Sydney, Australia**_

 _I haven't really felt like doing much of anything these past few days. I think I scared my dad last night. He came downstairs to get some water in the middle of the night and found me hunched over at the table working on an addendum. Sleep is eluding me once more, and after finding out I'm still unable to carry a baby until full term, there was no way I was getting any last night. Damn Bellatrix and her bloody curse! I know that's what it's from._

 _After Ron and I lost our baby, I did a lot of research. As it turns out, fertility and pregnancy complications, along with tremors and memory loss, are side effects of being subjected to the Cruciatus curse for long periods of time. I'd hoped that my case was different, but it appears it is not. I suppose I will never have children of my own. Draco probably realized this when we had our pregnancy scare… The doctors said the same thing when that happened. He probably figured he might as well marry Pureblood Astoria Greengrass since Mudblood Granger can't bear children._

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 **13 June 2006: Unsent letter to Ron Weasley**

 _Ron,_

 _I'm scared. I have these moments where everything just sort of hits me at once. All the pain and sadness from the past couple of years settles in my heart and I can barely breathe. I just collapse in on myself and forget about everything around me. I don't know what it means or why it happens. I don't know how to make it stop. My nightmares have returned too. I wake up screaming for you and Harry. Bellatrix's cackling laughter echoing in my ears. I don't want to be alone anymore. I don't want the darkness to consume me. I don't want to lose myself. What do I do?_

 _Hermione_

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 **20 June 2006: Unsent letter to Ron Weasley**

 _If something happens to me, just know that I have always loved you, Ronald. You were my first love and my very best friend._

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 **28 June 2006: Travel Log #56**

 _ **Darling Harbour, Sydney, Australia**_

 _It's time I return home. Ginny and Harry want me home for the birth of Albus. Such a lovely tribute, naming their son after our old Headmaster. Dumbledore would be honored. They won't share his middle name with me, saying they will tell everyone when he is born. It must be pretty pivotal of a name if they are keeping it under wraps. James Sirius was a beautiful tribute, so I can only imagine what they will do for this new baby._

 _The weather is lovely here at the Harbour today… A perfect ending to my trip. I'm worried about myself. These past few weeks have been some of my lowest points since after the war ended. My PTSD is really bothering me lately. Every little loud noise scaring me half to death. I won't even get into the nightmares. My parents are worried. So worried, in fact, that my dad sat me down just yesterday to talk to me about the war. He wanted to know what happened. That was a long time ago, I told him, but he insisted._

 _Today, I sent word that I would need a permit to apparate home to London. I can't handle the look my dad gives me each time I come into the room. It's like he knows I'm losing my mind, but he's afraid to say it out loud or ask me about it any further. I feel like a burden, and so I shall leave before that feeling gets any worse. I think I'll take the ferry to the other side of the Harbour and walk for a bit over there. Who knows the next time I'll be someplace warm. After all, Moscow is my next destination, and we all know what the weather is like there this time of year._

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 **3 July 2006: Unsent letter to David Granger**

 _Dad,_

 _I'm sorry for scaring you and mum while I was visiting. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I promise I am going to find out. I've not felt like myself for some time now, and I need that to change. I need to stop this insanity. I love you._

 _Hermione_

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 **12 July 2006: Unsent letter to Harry Potter**

 _I don't know if I am a good person anymore, Harry. I've been having such dark thoughts. I worry that I am not a good enough person anymore to be Godmother to James. I need to be committed._

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 **21 July 2006: Unsent letter to Draco Malfoy**

 _Draco,_

 _Holding Harry's newborn in my arms, I couldn't help but wonder what it would like to be your wife, pregnant with your child. I remember thinking I was going to have your baby once… I was scared and excited all at once. It was terrifying, but nothing is as terrifying as the realization that I am not yours and that you are not mine. I sound like a ridiculous teenager, pining over her lost love. But it's true. I have lost you. Haven't I?_

 _Hermione_

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 **3 August 2006: Unsent letter to Ron Weasley**

 _Ron,_

 _I'm losing myself. I couldn't even stand being in the same place as him. I panicked and just ran out on all of you. I hope Harry wasn't upset. I'll write you when I get to Moscow. I need to get away. I can't be around him. It's all too hard._

 _Her…_

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 **4 August 2006: Travel Log #63**

 _ **Soori Bali, Bali, Indonesia**_

 _I'm meant to be traveling to Moscow, but I needed to do something rash. Well, more rash than traveling across the world in search of information on Pureblood marriages, anyway. I have this old fashioned globe in my bedroom at the flat. I spun it, closed my eyes, and let my finger stop on a place to travel. Bali. That's where it landed, and so here I am. It's absolutely beautiful._

 _I splurged, dipping into the savings vault I have from being awarded a War Heroine. What other use do I have for one million galleons? So I helped destroy a Horcrux? So what? Oh well, that money is going to help me on this journey. Missing so much work is going to cost me. Kingsley already said so the last we spoke. He granted me permission to travel, but I am out of vacation and personal days._

 _Nevertheless, I intend to enjoy myself for the next few days before apparating to Moscow. I've sent all of my research and drafts ahead to the Mercure Arbat already so I won't be tempted to lose myself in them while here. I need a vacation, a proper one. This place is beautiful, and as I sit by the pool sipping a cup of tea, I feel at peace for the first time in weeks._

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 **9 August 2006: Travel Log #65**

 _ **Mercure Arbat Hotel, Moscow, Russia**_

 _Moscow is far warmer than I anticipated this time of the year. Well, apparently we're having a 'heat wave', but I am not one to complain. After spending those few days in Bali, I will miss the sun and warmth. I'm interested in doing a bit of sightseeing before I buckle down and get to work. I have a meeting with the Russian Minister for Magic on Monday so I have plenty of time to enjoy myself._

 _This hotel is beautiful, by the way. I find myself rather lucky to be able to indulge in these traveling adventures. I miss my friends something fierce while away, but this is just something that I must do. I haven't really been 'alone' since before the War. This is giving me time to learn about myself and grow as a person. At least, that's what I keep telling myself._

 _I still have to write to Ron and let him know I arrived safely, but I think I will find somewhere to have lunch before seeking out an owl. Besides, Ron has asked what I want to do for my birthday. I'm not feeling much up to celebrating so that will take me a while to come up with an idea. I know I'll go home to London, but that's still an entire month away._

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 **12 August 2006: Travel Log #68**

 _ **Padlock Tree Park, Moscow, Russia**_

 _I was walking along the river just now and stumbled across the strangest trees. Well, as it turns out, they're not really trees at all. They're "trees" of padlocks. It's fascinating. I asked one of the locals passing by what they were, and he explained as best he could in his broken English. He seemed rather enthusiastic about the entire thing, explaining how he and his fiancee were planning to add to the display on their wedding day. It took everything I had to keep the smile on my face as he talked._

 _After he left me alone, I walked over to the trees and looked at all the padlocks. Sure enough, just like the man told me, each padlock had the names of a couple written on it. The tradition is that when you're married, you come to the bridge with your husband or wife and add a padlock to the trees. Actually…_

 _As I was just writing, a couple appeared still in their wedding attire! They shared a kiss before clicking their lock into place. Everyone in the vicinity clapped and cheered for them. It made me sad, so I think I'll head back to my hotel room for the evening. I have notes to finish for my meeting with the Minister anyway…_

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 **15 August 2006: Travel Log #69**

 _ **Kupol, Moscow, Russia**_

 _I am absolutely disgusted after my interview with Abram Vinokurov! What a horrid man! I feel absolutely awful for his daughter. How can he say she will never marry anyone but a Pureblood!? This! This is exactly why I am doing this insane research! I don't want anyone forced into a marriage they do not want to be. While I wait for my dinner, beef filet with foie gras, I am going to start sketching out another draft for my addendum. This will make 105 now… Where has the time gone? Hell, I might even order dessert. I hear the rhum baba is quite delicious!_

 _Addendum to Blood Purity Laws, Draft #105_

Pureblood Marriage Law - 1.7.14: Family Involvement in Betrothal Contracts

Betrothal contracts should be created by the people they involve, not their families. Their families are not the ones stuck in a loveless marriage being forced to have children just to continue a race of pompous self-righteous jerks.

The family may be concerned about their blood line, but in this day and age, bloodline isn't what should matter. It should come down to who the persons involved want to be with and want to raise a family with.

That stupid, stupid spell. Families that use that spell on their daughters should be subject to the Unforgivable Curses. No one knows what they want to do or who they want to spend the rest of their life with before the age of twenty one, let alone before the age of eighteen. Hell, I'm pretty sure no one knows even after they get married sometimes.

Pureblood Marriage Law - 1.9.1: Rights of the Parties Involved

If there is a contract in place, the parties involved should be able to void the contract instead of being charged with a refusal to cooperate. Maybe the families get along, but the persons who are being forced to wed cannot stand each other.

I can't even believe there is an infidelity clause and rules for infidelity in these stupid things. What does it matter who is sleeping with who if the marriage that they are parading around looks happy?

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 **13 August 2006: Unsent letter to Ron Weasley**

 _Ron,_

 _What if you had been the one with a betrothal contract? How would you feel then? How can you write me to say I am wasting my time. What if you and Pansy were forced to separate? Wouldn't you want to do everything in your power to get her back? I will keep going until this thing is over. When I'm finished, no more Pureblood Laws will dictate the witches and wizards of our society ever again._

 _Hermione_

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 **27 August 2006: Unsent letter to Draco Malfoy**

 _Dearest Draco,_

 _It's late...I should be fast asleep, but I am wide awake. I ache for you, my love. I miss you fiercely, and since I cannot be with you, I shall continue writing these addendums until I know I can set you free. Too much to drink and not enough sleep has led me to be quite open, it seems._

 _Do you remember our first night together? It was Valentine's Day and you thought I'd forgotten. We were so naive then, just learning about one another. You took me to The Tower and then we came back to my flat and watched a sappy movie. You kissed me and then we had some of the best sex of my entire life._

 _Is she as good as I am? Is she better? Does she satisfy you like I did?_

 _H_

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 **16 September 2006: Unsent letter to Ron Weasley**

 _Can I change my mind about coming home for my birthday?_

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 **19 September 2006: Travel Log #74**

 _ **The Leaky Cauldron, Diagon Alley, London, England**_

 _Ron and the others planned a special celebration for my birthday. I have to admit, I had a lot of fun. We spent the evening out and about in Muggle London acting as if we were tourists. We rode the London Eye and tried to make the guards at the palace crack a smile. No one was successful, of course. Afterwards we came back to Diagon Alley for drinks at the Leaky Cauldron._

 _I may have had a bit too much to drink, but Ginny and Luna agreed to spend the night with me in a room upstairs. Ron and Pansy were the first to leave, but I'm not surprised. Pansy is still a bit possessive of Ron, and after having about six or seven pints, I may have been hanging on him a little too much. I'll apologize next time I see her. I love Ron, but I'm not *in* love with him any longer._

 _I've just come down for a quick cup of tea before they close for the night. Well, Tom is telling me a letter came for me while I was upstairs getting settled. I wonder who it could be from?_

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 **19 September 2006: Unsent letter to Draco Malfoy**

 _NINE MONTHS, DRACO! I HAVEN'T HAD A SINGLE LETTER FROM YOU IN NINE MONTHS AND NOW YOU SEND ME A BIRTHDAY MESSAGE! HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO ME? I WAS FINE! I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO BE OKAY AND NOW THIS! HOW CAN I LOOK AT YOU AT WORK AND NOT FALL TO PIECES? MERLIN, I HATE YOU._

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 **21 September 2006: Unsent letter to Harry Potter**

 _I'm leaving again. I'll be back when I can. I know you worry so I thought I'd..._

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 **22 September 2006: Travel Log #76**

 _ **Dylan Hotel, Dublin, Ireland**_

 _I wasn't planning on returning to Moscow until Christmas, but I've changed my mind. Unfortunately, I couldn't get a permit to apparate there until the 29th. I couldn't stand staying in London any longer either so I came here instead. The hotel is far more extravagant than I needed, but no one will think to look for me here. I can be alone and bask in my misery._

 _I've never been to Dublin, but I expect I'll visit again. I think I will go and visit the Cliffs of Moher tomorrow after I've tried to get some rest. I also must see the monument to Oscar Wilde. Perhaps I should take some of his sage advice…_

" _With freedom, books, flowers, and the moon, who could not be happy?" -Oscar Wilde_

 _He is right. I am free. I have my books. There are lovely flowers to be seen, and well, the moon-she is gorgeous. What I wouldn't give to be out among the stars. Wouldn't it be amazing to just leave all this behind and venture to a new world? I'm being silly. The late hour and the three glasses of merlot I had at dinner must be getting to me. I will rest for now. Tomorrow is a new day._

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 **23 September 2006: Travel Log #77**

 _ **Cliffs of Moher, Dublin, Ireland**_

 _Staring out at the sea, I wonder what the future holds for me. I go from moments of clarity to these moments of such darkness where I find that I can't even breathe. I've been here all day watching the tide come in and out, the clouds roll across the sky, the sun rise and fall. It's an endless cycle of the unknown. What will tomorrow bring? Is it all worth it? I sound ridiculous._

 _I scared myself today. I ran at the edge, almost certain I wouldn't stop. But I did. I did stop. I fell to my knees, breathless and trembling. I knelt there for so long my legs went numb and my back ached from being hunched over. I didn't cry. The tears simply would not come. That didn't stop my chest from aching like I'd had my heart ripped right out. Then again, maybe I have…_

 _Someday this will all make sense. Someday, I'll be whole again. Until then, I'm going to keep on traveling and researching until I find my purpose. Because there has to be a purpose to all of this, right? Why else would I feel so drawn to this task? Why else would I go to sleep and wake up wanting nothing more than to finish what I've started? I worry. I worry about myself, but more than that, I worry there is no end to this madness._

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 **30 September 2006: Unsent letter to Draco Malfoy**

 _I've been carrying around the letter you sent me on my birthday. I don't know what else to do with it. Do I burn it? Throw it away? Write you a thank you note? Why would you even bother to send me a letter after all this time, Draco? Do you still care for me as I care for you? Is there hope for us yet? I love you. I want you. Only you. I promise, I'll set you free._

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 **3 October 2006: Travel Log #80**

 _ **Mercure Arbat, Moscow, Russia**_

 _And so it's finally happened. Astoria has given birth to Draco's heir proving, once again, how she is a better match for him. The bloody prophet arrived this morning with the story flashing across the front page! Merlin, I feel so stupid pining after him all this time. The birth of this child is proof that Draco has moved on from me. So he sent me a birthday letter? That doesn't mean he wants me any longer. Here I am, alone in cold Russia while Draco welcomes his beautiful son into the world. Just imagining what the future has in store for Draco and his family makes my heart twinge. I want that...a family of my own…_

 _I don't want to be alone forever._

 **Draco and Astoria Malfoy announce the birth of their son, Scorpius!**

3 October 2006

Demelza Robins

LONDON - An heir has been born! Draco and Astoria Malfoy welcome son, Scorpius Hyperion Malfoy, early this morning weighing in at 3.7 kilograms and approximately 52 centimeters long. The happy family welcomed the grandparents at the hospital to join in the bliss.

"We are excited to welcome our beautiful son, Scorpius," Draco told reporters as the family prepared to leave the hospital to begin their new life at home. "Astoria and I are excited to start this new adventure as parents and cannot wait to see what the future has in store for the three of us."

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 **5 October 2006: Unsent letter to Draco Malfoy**

 _Draco,_

 _I want to wish you the most sincerest of congratulations. I've seen the papers, and Scorpius is a beautiful baby boy. I hope you are happy. I know you're going to be a wonderful father. The best of luck to you and your new family..._

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 **10 October 2006: Travel Log #85**

 _ **Mercure Arbat, Moscow, Russia**_

 _I've fallen into a bad place and I can't seem to drag myself out. I'm afraid of what I'm becoming. I'm afraid of what I might do. I can't sleep or eat. All I do is research, write, and revise addendum after addendum. It's the darkest form of therapy. When I do manage to pull myself up long enough for air, I walk around Moscow in a daze. I don't know where I go or what I do, but I always end up back here in my room._

 _Sometimes, I fall into fits of sleep, but those don't last long. My nightmares bring me back to consciousness. When this happens, I crawl back into bed after being ill and read through my travel logs. This notebook grounds me...I can see a change in who I was and who I am...who I may become… I don't know how to stop this._

 _When my hands ache from too much writing, I organize my teacup collection. I have so many now. It all started with that one in Sydney. Each time I travel someplace I've never been, I buy a new one. I have three from Australia, two from Moscow, one from Bali, and another from Dublin. I don't know yet what I will do with them, but they're so pretty to look at._

 _The sun is rising, so I should probably try and sleep…_

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 **11 October 2006: Unsent letter to Jean Granger**

 _Mum,_

 _I need you._

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 **12 October 2006: Unsent letter to Ron Weasley**

 _Ron,_

 _I can't get out of this bed. I can't do anything at all. I can't…_

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 **14 October 2006: Unsent letter to Harry Potter**

 _Harry,_

 _I'm worried too, but I can't reach the floo._

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 **16 October 2006: Unsent letter to Jean Granger**

 _Mum,_

 _I got your letter, but I don't know what to say other than I'm falling apart and I don't know if I can put the pieces back together again. I'm embarrassed because you and dad taught me to be stronger than this. I'm going under…_

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 **16 October 2006: Unsent letter to Ron Weasley**

 _Ron,_

 _help…_

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 **1 November 2006: Unsent letter to Draco Malfoy**

 _Draco_

 _Nearly one hundred addendums in a single month… I vow to finish this journey for you. I may not survive, but I will set you free in the end. The dark is rising, clouding my brain and making it difficult to write...to breathe...to live… But my love for you is strong, so strong. I must…_

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 **7 November 2006: Travel Log #87**

 _ **St. Marinov Magical Hospital, Moscow, Russia**_

 _I am such an idiot. I've been admitted to the Wizarding hospital here in Moscow. Yury found me the day before last nearly comatose in bed. Severely dehydrated and exhausted, I'd been unable to answer the phone or get in touch with the front desk for a few days to pay my room fees. They'd sent up the bellhop to check on me. I feel horrible for scaring him as I did, but he saved my life._

 _After sending word to Kingsley and Ron, I also finally replied to Harry's letters too. I need to floo my mum and dad when I'm finally released because apparently they've been worried too. In all the time I've spent fretting over my damn addendum drafts, I forgot about myself and how losing myself would affect those around me. I'm going to try and be better. I should go home to London, but I'll stay until the holidays like I'd planned._

 _It can't get much worse than this._

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 **23 November 2006: Travel Log #90**

 _ **Red Square, Moscow, Russia**_

 _I'm sitting here people watching in the Red Square. It's cold, far colder than I need to be subjecting myself to right now. The Healers told me to rest, relax, and make sure I eat and get enough fluids. I'm trying. Honestly, I am._

 _My parents will be arriving on the 4th of December so I just have to keep myself together until then. I asked Yury what else there was to do in Russia this time of the year and he gave me a few suggestions. I might try them out, but I also might just try and get myself put back into some sort of order._

 _I don't know who I am anymore, and I don't like it. Not one bit. What do you do when the person that made you whole leaves you behind? Where do I start? I need guidance. I'll find myself eventually. I never give up. It's getting late and I still have to find a quiet restaurant to eat._

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 **24 December 2006: Unsent letter to Draco Malfoy**

 _Happy anniversary…_

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 **25 December 2006: Unsent letter to Ron Weasley**

 _Ron,_

 _I hope you understand why I'm staying away again this year. It's just too hard being around your huge, loving family. I want a family like that… one of my own… It's going to be hard enough coming back and re-immersing myself in regular life. It's going to kill me being in Draco's presence every single day at work trying to solve that new case._

 _How am I going to stand knowing he's happy? That he has the family_ _ **he**_ _always wanted? When is it going to be my turn? What do I have to do to get my happy ending? Run to the edge of the universe? Because I would. I would do_ _ **anything**_ _to be happy again. I'm going to need you, Ron. I know I don't usually ask for help, but I am now. I need your help, Ron. Please._

 _Hermione_

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 **31 December 2006: Travel Log #96**

 _ **Mercure Arbat, Moscow, Russia**_

 _It's our last full day in Moscow. My parents and I will be celebrating the New Year at St. Basil's Cathedral tonight, and then tomorrow they fly back to Sydney while I apparate home to London. It's hard to believe that this time last year, I was packing my bags for Sydney. I never knew this journey would turn into such a huge part of my life, but here I am._

 _Mum and dad think I am going to run myself into the ground, and they're probably right. I can't stop now, though. I just finished Addendum Draft #300 today which is a feat I never thought I'd achieve. In all honesty, I expected to give up before reaching one hundred. We'll see how many more I need to do before it's complete. Maybe, if the Minister allows it, I can do a bit more traveling after this new case and finish up before the next year rolls around. I'm also hoping this next year brings less teardrops and more happiness. Fingers crossed. Happy New Year._


	2. Part II: 2007

**Author's Note:** This took a bit longer than I anticipated, but that's because my work life decided to be CRAZY this summer instead of what I planned. I mean, already I go back to work officially on Monday instead of vacation like I planned. Nevertheless, I'm still writing like a madwoman and chugging out stories and chapters as quickly as possible. I hope you enjoy this installment of this tale.

As always, I want to thank **starrnobella** for inspiring this story and beta reading for me! She also wrote the fabulous articles and addendums for this chapter, and made cool ass aesthetics to go along with them! Love you so much, girl! I want to thank **Squarepeg72** for alpha reading and also writing the dirty love poem Blaise sends to Hermione. You have a gift with words! I must also thank **SaintDionysus** and everyone else who shared oodles of 2007 songs to help inspire me while I worked on this chapter.

Enjoy my lovelies! Please leave feedback when you're done! **xxDustNight**

 **Disclaimer:** All non-original characters, plot points, and information belongs to J.K. Rowling. The cover photo is a mashup I created from photos found on Google. The story plot and dialogue belong to me. I do not write for profit.

 **Full Summary:** _A companion piece to Teardrops & Teacups, this story is a collection of unsent letters and travel logs that Hermione wrote over the course of her four year journey to find inner peace. The letters and logs portray exactly how dark and lost Hermione was feeling during this time, along with moments of happiness and inspiration after having her heart broken._

 **Trigger Warnings:** Adultery, Depression, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Threesome - F/M/M, Threesome - F/F/M, Near Death, Minor Character Death, Light Dom/sub, Mildly Dubious Consent, Infidelity, Suicidal Thoughts, Dark, Angst, Miscarriage

 **Playlist:** htt*ps:*/ope*n.*spo*tify.c*om/u*ser/1246*401351/pla*ylist/4Kbud*Jyqif4ZrKeu0ao*IsL

 _ **Travel Logs & Unsent Letters**_

 **Pairing:** Hermione/Multi

 **Rating: M**

 **Companion Pieces to** _ **Teardrops & Teacups**_

 **Mini-Fic/Prequel to** _ **Wolves without Teeth**_

 **Part One:** 2007

 **Song Recommendations:** "Big Girls Don't Cry" by Fergie, "Who Knew" by P!nk, "Rehab" by Amy Winehouse, "Hate That I Love You" by the Rihanna & Ne-Yo, "Because of You" by Ne-Yo, "Last Night" by Diddy & Keyshia Cole, "Teardrops on my Guitar" by Taylor Swift, "Everything's Magic" by Angels and Airwaves, "It's Not Over" By Daughtry

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" _The first sip of tea is always the best...  
You cringe as it burns the back of your throat,  
knowing you just had the hottest carpe-diem portion._ **"**

— _**Terri Guillemets**_

 **. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .**

 _ **Travel Logs & Unsent Letters**_

 _ **Part Two: 2007**_

 **7 January 2007: Travel Log #100**

 _ **London, England**_

 _I've been back in London for a few days now. I've mostly kept to myself, although I have checked in with Ron and Harry. I already miss the harsh cold of Moscow, the beautiful Red Square, and the isolation I had there. London feels so claustrophobic, the people squeezing in around me until I can barely breathe._

 _It doesn't help that I am dreading returning to work tomorrow. Four months have passed since I last saw Draco, but tomorrow I will have to see him every day until this case is solved. Whatever this case may be. I'm hoping that, whatever it is, it's not nearly as horrid as Harry made it sound._

 _I'm just going to do my best to keep everything together; afterall, you can't fix others' problems when you're barely hanging on yourself._

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 **8 January 2007: Travel Log #101**

 _ **Ministry of Magic, London, England**_

 _Sympathizers. Here. In London. Kingsley expects me to hunt them down, with Draco, and capture them. How the bloody hell am I supposed to do that when I can barely keep myself from falling apart? It doesn't matter, I suppose. This is my job. I knew what I was getting into when I took the promotion into the MLE department back in 2002. I applied for the department head, so here I am. Time to suck it up and catch some demons._

 _My own will have to wait._

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 **12 January 2007: Travel Log #106**

 _ **Witch's Brew, Ministry of Magic, London, England**_

 _Currently, I am sitting and having lunch with none other than Draco Malfoy himself. My stomach is in knots and I am pretty sure I've said the same damn thing about the case at least three times. It is some consolation that he appears to be just as nervous about this as I am. He's popped off to the loo for a moment so I now have a chance to write down all the pros and cons to this situation._

 _ **Pros:**_ _Draco and I can mend our friendship. We can work together on the case without harboring any resentment about the past. Draco still likes me. I don't have to eat alone. I can pretend like nothing ever happened between us._

 _ **Cons:**_ _I'm still in love with him. He's married. Astoria could find out. The entire thing could blow up in our faces. It hurts when I see his face. His eyes still look as if he can see inside my soul. I'm still in love with him. I love him. Only him._

 _Merlin, this is so fucked up._

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 **16 January 2007: Unsent letter to Draco Malfoy**

 _Draco,_

 _Once again you have left me speechless. How am I ever to thank you for the beautiful shelves and the even more beautiful teacup. It's breathtaking, a perfect reminder of our very first date. That is a night I will never forget. In fact, it is a night I remember quite frequently. Where did the time go? I feel like it was only yesterday that you asked me to have dinner with you and then we fell in love. So in love. More in love than I ever imagined possible._

 _I've placed the teacup on the middle shelf where I can see it whenever I walk into my office each morning. I want you to know that I have never stopped loving you. It was always you, and it will always be you._

 _Love,_

 _Hermione_

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 **24 January 2007: Travel Log #111**

 _ **London, England**_

 _What a royal mess. Our mission literally blew up in our faces, also managing to destroy part of Muggle London in the process. Draco and I barely made it out of the building alive before the fighting even broke out. Then it was a mad dash for our lives. When I lost sight of him...I thought he was gone forever. Dead. I kept fighting, though, because that is what I have been trained to do. But inside I was dying too. I was scared for my own life, of course, but I worried for him too. Just one of the many reasons I shouldn't be on this case with him. It's too dangerous. My mind and heart are so conflicted and it's messing with reality._

 _But good Godric, when he found me, pulling me into the alley where he was hiding, the world righted itself for just a single moment. We were so close, the adrenaline pumping through our veins, and I just wanted him to kiss me. I think he was going to, his eyes lingering on my lips and his body pressed firmly into mine. But that's when the second explosion happened, sending us into the fray once more._

 _Never in my worst nightmare did I imagine what happened next. While we were busy fighting the group of sympathizers, Harry was hit with some unknown Dark spell. His body was ripped away from me in an instant. I watched in horror as he was thrown backward into the crumbling remains of a burning building. I think I screamed. I can't remember, but the next thing I knew, Draco was dragging me kicking and screaming from the battle._

 _Harry is still in St. Mungo's. I'm sitting here in my flat unable to sleep. Each time I close my eyes, I see Harry's frightened green eyes as fire consumed his body. I pray to Merlin he comes out of this alive. He has two babies at home that need him. And Ginny. Me too. Me and Ron. We need him._

 _Draco, bless him, managed to give Kingsley our report when we returned to the Ministry this morning. I felt so useless, sitting there completely speechless and trembling. Maybe I am not cut out for this job, after all. I've thought about leaving the MLE before... If things get worse, I may have to do just that. For now, I must try and sleep._

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 **25 January 2007: Unsent letter to Harry Potter**

 _Harry,_

 _I am truly sorry for what has happened to you. I shouldn't have been so distracted. I had other things on my mind, things that should never be there to begin with at this point. If anything happens to you, I don't know if I could ever forgive myself._

 _Hermi…_

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 **26 January 2007: Unsent letter to Ginny Potter**

 _Ginny,_

 _I promise I will take better care of Harry on missions from now on. You can count on me. I'm sorry. I hope that something like this never happens again._

 _Hermione_

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 **27 January 2007: Unsent letter to Draco Malfoy**

 _It's happening again. The night terrors have returned. One stupid mission and I am back to screaming myself awake. I think I called out for you, but you're not here. You never will be again. I am alone in this. The only thing I have to keep myself going is my research. If not for you, I must do this for me. I can't sleep, so I will work._

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 **31 January 2007: Unsent letter to Draco Malfoy**

 _Harry is recovering, but somehow I find sleep still eludes me. I continue to write and research, research and write. One addendum after the other. I am working harder than ever before. You haven't been at work much these past few days. Are you avoiding me like I am avoiding you? There needs to be a change. We can't dance this tango forever. Eventually, one of us will break, and that's what scares me the most._

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 **14 February 2007: Travel Log #119**

 _ **London, England**_

 _What I wouldn't give to be somewhere else right now. The weather is horrible. My mood is horrible. This_ _day_ _is horrible. Memories of a time not so long ago echoing in my head. I suppose it could be worse, but I'm truly at a breaking point. I can't leave London because of the Sympathizers case and my research. I've found a few hidden files in the Ministry archives about old Pureblood marriage laws that were "outlawed." Hah! What a laugh. Some of the laws outlined in these files I've heard whisperings about over the past year. I will have to look into them a bit more and add to my addendum._

 _Harry called me earlier today, wanting to make sure I was alright. I told him to stop being so ridiculous. He is the one that needs someone checking if he is alright. Ginny brought him home from St. Mungo's on Monday, after all. His recovery is coming along, but I still worry. He asked if I had plans… He ought to know better. Currently, I am curled up on the sofa with a fresh cup of tea and my latest addendum. Edits are in order, but I am not sure exactly where I want to go with it yet._

 _I'm sure I should be sleeping, as it's well past a reasonable bedtime, but I haven't been sleeping well. Not since the battle with the Sympathizers. I can't get those images out of my head, and they keep dredging up old nightmares. Ones I haven't had since before Draco left me. One can only hope they will fade with time. I can't keep going like this._

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 **15 February 2007: Unsent letter to Draco Malfoy**

 _Another sleepless night spent reliving nightmares of the past. My heart hurts...everything hurts. Please, I just want all this pain to go away. This love I still hold for you… I wish it would just go away so I could be free._

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 **15 February 2007: Travel Log #120**

 _ **Ministry of Magic, London, England**_

 _I think I may have finally lost it. I've accepted a date with Theodore Nott. One of Draco's best mates. This is either a terrific idea or a recipe for disaster. What will Draco think when he finds out? I'm still in a bit of shock, to be honest. Never would I have thought Theo, of all people, would want to date me._

 _Has he ever shown interest in me in the past? I can't recall… We've talked a bit over the years, seeing as we both work in the Ministry. He's also been at every function or party I attended when I was still with Draco. After he asked me to a movie, I then went to the loo and had a long look in the mirror. Sure enough, I look like shit today, just as he told me. I'm not sure if I should be offended or flattered that he still wants to take me out after seeing me this way._

 _Circles under my eyes are darker than they should be for a witch my age. Of course, this is due to my lack of sleep and overabundance of stress at the moment. I'm not going to worry too much about my looks… I'll attempt to get more sleep and make myself presentable for our date next week. I might as well put my whole heart into this. It would be rude not to. Theo is a nice guy. I could see myself with him…_

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 **20 February 2007: Travel Log #122**

 _ **London, England**_

 _Jotting down some notes I found randomly while researching..._

 _Pureblood Bonding Ceremony: 1602_

 _Witches were forced to slice the palm of their left hand, allowing a sufficient amount of blood to be mixed with a potion (*unknown). Once the potion was brewed to fruition, the wizard would drink the concoction, effectively binding the witch to him. They would also perform a normal wedding ceremony when wanted, but for the most part, this was all that was needed to bind a witch to her Pureblood husband. It also ensured that the wizard would know if and when a witch had an affair. Oftentimes, the potion would backfire and the wizard would accuse the witch of affairs she was not having. Many Pureblood brides were thrown out into the streets, forced to beg or sell themselves just to survive._

 _What the hell?_

 _How was this considered to be alright? I need to dig a bit deeper to ensure that this is, in fact, true, but I am appalled. The more I research, the more disgusted I become. I am curious to know when this was outlawed or if anyone still secretly practices this today. I fear that it will be one of those topics that is frowned upon if brought up during an interview, however._

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 **24 February 2007: Unsent letter to Draco Malfoy**

 _Draco,_

 _I'm feeling so torn today, more so than usual even. Last night Theo and I had our first date, and I thoroughly enjoyed myself. I say first date because he asked me if I would like to see him again, and I agreed. In fact, I plan on seeing him later today for lunch. It was an evening I hadn't been expecting…_

 _He took me to a fancy Muggle restaurant and then we walked to the theatre to see a showing of Music and Lyrics. It was a lovely little romantic film. I think even Theo was impressed by how much he enjoyed it. Later, he admitted it was his first time seeing a movie, which I found amusing._

 _I told him he should see more, and that's when it was decided we should keep seeing each other. I am unsure if things will progress further or if this is just a fling, but I intend to find out. I do hope you understand when word eventually reaches your ears. I love you, but I know I need to move on. I can't keep pining after you._

 _Hermione_

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 **28 February 2007: Unsent letter to David and Jean Granger**

 _Mum & Dad,_

 _I'm well. I think I found someone to help put my heart back together… He is going to get me help for my night terrors. Harry and my new boyfriend, I guess you could call him that, have talked with me in detail about how much help therapy could be. I know you worry about me, and I never really opened up about how bad my PTSD truly is. I hope you can understand...it wasn't something I wanted to burden you with._

 _Hermione_

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 **6 March 2007: Travel Log #127**

 _ **St. Mungo's, London, England**_

 _A few quick notes from my first therapy session…_

 _I was asked to describe my nightmares, what especially stuck out to me or what I could remember. I revealed details of my time spent hunting for horcruxes with Harry and Ron. I talked about being tortured in Malfoy Manor. I revealed much about the entire ordeal that wasn't public knowledge._

 _In addition, I told her about my relationship with Ron, including the miscarriage and our break-up. Of course, this led to a conversation about Draco and what I am currently going through. I admitted that I didn't have nearly as many nightmares when I was with him._

 _I'm set to visit again next week. I am already feeling a bit lighter so I think I will send Theo an owl and see if he wants to have dinner or something tomorrow evening. I owe him._

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 **9 March 2007: Unsent letter to Draco Malfoy**

 _Why have you been avoiding me?_

 _Each time I come to talk to you about the case, you find reasons to be elsewhere._

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 **10 March 2007: Unsent letter to Draco Malfoy**

 _Is this because I am dating Theo? Are you angry? Am I not allowed to see someone else? Don't you want me to be happy? I'm forced to endure the knowledge that you are with Astoria. I need someone to be happy with too._

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 **11 March 2007: Unsent letter to Theodore Nott**

 _Theo,_

 _I can't be with you any longer._

 _I fear if I remain seeing you, Draco will never speak to me ag…_

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 **11 March 2007: Unsent letter to Ron Weasley**

 _Ron,_

 _What was it like seeing me with Draco after you and I broke up? Did it hurt? Did you want to kill him? Did you wish I would leave him so you and I could get back together?_

 _Do you ever wonder if we could have found our way back to one another?_

 _Hermione_

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 **13 March 2007: Travel Log #129**

 _ **St. Mungo's, London, England**_

 _Notes from my therapy session…_

 _I expressed my worries about Draco not speaking to me. My doctor asked if I should perhaps consider transferring to another department. I told her about the case I am in the middle of and she seemed to understand why I was reluctant to ask for a transfer. Besides, where would I transfer to? I am Department Head!_

 _The night terrors are lessening. I am unsure if this is because I am more open to talking about them and my past, or if my time with Theo is helping ease my pain. I have yet to reveal my research, but I think she suspects I am keeping things to myself._

 _I will wait and see how things progress before I reveal my intentions._

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 **16 March 2007: Travel Log #131**

 _ **Nott Manor, Dorset, England**_

 _Theo keeps bothering me about attending Dean and Seamus's annual St. Patrick's Day party. I really would rather avoid it at all costs after what happened last year. Dean extended the invitation to us, though, and now Theo is excited about the event. All I wanted was to spend a quiet weekend curled up in front of the fire here at Theo's family Manor._

 _Dorset is lovely and I am honored that he brought me to visit. I only wish we didn't have to leave. I could see disappearing here. The countryside is lovely, rolling hills that spread out to the sea. I hope we have some time to explore the little towns._

 _I'm also terrified of seeing Draco at the party. He and I haven't spent longer than a few minutes together since I began seeing Theo. I suppose there will be enough people at the party that I should be able to actively avoid him if need be. I'll sleep on it and decide tomorrow…_

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 **18 March 2007: Travel Log #132**

 _ **Nott Manor, Dorset, England**_

 _I haven't been able to bring myself to reveal what happened in the bedroom last night at the party. Theo is beyond himself with worry. When he found me, he whisked me back to his family's manor and brought me to bed. I didn't sleep though. I spent most of the night crying or being ill._

 _Essentially, I've cheated on Theo, something I never saw myself doing. I am weak. Far weaker than I ever believed. I'm Hermione Granger. I'm supposed to be pure and good...not someone who nearly shags another woman's husband while her boyfriend is just down the hall!_

 _What's worse is that I had to use my safeword with Draco. I've_ _ **never**_ _had to do that before. He and I came up with it together, back when we first started dabbling in BDSM. Merlin… He was so drunk there really was no other way to get through to him. I imagine he feels a right mess. The look on his face as he left me alone in that room… I will remember it forever._

 _I think I need to set up a meeting with my therapist this week to talk about this. I can't tell Theo... He wouldn't understand. Hell, I'm not even sure I'm ready to wrap my head around all of this. I nearly had sex with Draco. Obviously the physical attraction is still there._

 _I need to get away. I can't see him. I can't do this. I'm never going to make it…_

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 **18 March 2007: Unsent letter to Draco Malfoy**

 _Are you okay? I'm a disaster, but I want to know how you are faring. Does this mean that you still love me? You said that you can't stand to know I am fucking Theo. Did you mean that? Because if you did, I think you should know, that's how I feel knowing you fuck Astoria._

 _I think about it more often than I should. I imagine the way you used to bind my hands to the bedposts and spread my legs wide. The way you'd tease me, making my back arch as the tip of your tongue curled around my nipples or plunged in and out of my cunt. The way your thick cock pounded me relentlessly._

 _Now you do that to Astoria. I know you do, and it kills me inside. I want it to be me. I want you to fuck me, Draco, and that's why I have to go away again. At least for now._

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 **19 March 2007: Unsent letter to Kingsley Shacklebolt**

 _Minister,_

 _I absolutely cannot work another minute with Draco. I don't know why you ever thought it was a good idea to pair us together on this case! Insanity! You must have been off your rocker to even think it would end well. I must go away. Thankfully, Theo has been asked to go to Venice for a Department of Mysteries issue. I will be joining him to aid in his research and also to get as far away from Draco bloody Malfoy as humanly possible!_

 _Hermione J. Granger_

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 **21 March 2007: Travel Log #134**

 _ **Zabini Manse, Venice, Italy**_

 _Breathtaking. I am at a loss for words at the moment. When Theo suggested I come to Venice with him to get away, of course I jumped at the chance. I've never been to Italy. This city is a sight to behold, its winding rivers as roads. It's magical all on its own._

 _We're staying with Blaise Zabini, one of Theo and Draco's best mates from our Hogwarts days. He is nothing like I remember, toned and entirely a gentleman. I feel bad for ogling him as much as I did with Theo there by my side. I hope he didn't notice… I feel bad enough as it is about the Draco situation._

 _Getting back on topic… I think I can get some of my own research completed while here. The Italian Minister of Magic has always been willing to take my post on MLE matters. I am sure he won't mind letting me have use of their archives if I ask nice enough._

 _I am hoping this time away from London refreshes me. After finally managing to explain to Theo what almost happened between Draco and I, he felt it necessary for us to get away from London for a while. I feel bad for leaving Draco with the case, but Harry is back to work this week so he won't be alone. I'm looking forward to enjoying Venice with Theo and Blaise. I'm certain there are many beautiful and fun adventures to be had!_

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 **25 March 2007: Unsent letter to Harry Potter**

 _Harry,_

 _I hope the case is going well. Theo and I are having a lovely time in Venice. I feel we're growing much closer. As the days go on, I feel myself falling for him more and more. It's becoming easier to forget Draco and what he meant to me. How is he doing? Does he forgive me for leaving? Does he seem remorseful?_

 _Hermione_

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 **28 March 2007: Unsent letter to Ron Weasley**

 _Venice is beautiful. I'm sorry for leaving without saying anything. I know how much you worry. I wish it wasn't like this. I wish I could just tell you all the horrible things I am going through. I don't feel as dark as I was this time last year, but there's still a heaviness I can't seem to shake. Being here, away from Draco, helps alleviate that weight, at least a bit. I can breathe. For now._

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 **31 March 2007: Travel Log #140**

 _ **Piazza San Marco, Venice, Italy**_

 _Blaise brought Theo and I to visit the Piazza San Marco today. I'm sitting here while they wander around discussing Merlin only knows what. They've left me to my own devices for now, so I am taking a minute to people watch and write out some letters for my parents and friends._

 _They've promised me a gondola ride later this afternoon, which I am looking forward to. The two of them have been taking such care of me. I feel so spoiled; although, I am starting to wonder just how much Blaise knows about my past._

 _Sometimes I find him staring at me when Theo is not in the room, and the way his eyes rake over my body makes me blush and my skin feel warm. I am definitely attracted to him, and I secretly think he is attracted to me too. I won't say anything to Theo, though. He and I are finally finding a good rhythm for our relationship and I don't want to hurt that._

 _It appears that they have finished whatever private affairs they needed to attend to. More sightseeing and adventures await us today, and I can hardly wait. Off to find a gondola we go!_

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 **2 April 2007: Unsent letter to Ginny Potter**

 _Ginny,_

 _You'd be so proud of me. As of lately, I've been having the filthiest of thoughts and they all revolve around my two Slytherin companions. Now, Theo keeps me plenty satisfied, but I can't help wondering what it would be like with Blaise as well. The way he looks at me sometimes sets me aflame! I swear he's trying to undress me with his eyes, wondering what it would be like to have me too._

 _Of course I can't say any of this aloud, and especially not to Theo. Draco and I only ever discussed the possibility of a threesome. We never acted on it. Our love for one another probably blinded us to those sorts of possibilities, not that I am saying you can't be in love with someone and still have a threesome. I just mean that he and I only had eyes for each other. There was no one else that would ever be able to connect with us emotionally enough for a threesome to be enjoyable._

 _What am I even doing writing you this? It's not like anything is going to happen between Blaise, Theo, and I anyway. Just a silly girl musing what it might be like to have two sexy Slytherins at once, I suppose. Delicious!_

 _Hermione_

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 **7 April 2007: Unsent letter to Jean Granger**

 _Remember when you told me as a child to always get out of situations that you know can only end poorly? Yes, well, I obviously am a sucker for pain… I have feelings for Theo, but I am also starting to see his best mate in a different light as well. The more time I spend with the both of them, the more I see this… I should back away now, return home to London and the safe comfort of normalcy, but I can't. I'm curious to see just how far this will go. How far I will go._

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 **11 April 2007: Unsent letter to Draco Malfoy**

 _If you were angry with me for seeing Theo, you would literally blow the top off your blond head if you knew what I just finished doing. Skinnydipping! Me! Blaise and I swam for hours in his magical pool before dozing lazily on the patio, still nude. I know, now, that he clearly is feeling more for me than what normal friends would. How does that make you feel knowing that I can have not one, but two of your best mates?_

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 **20 April 2007: Travel Log #142**

 _ **Zabini Manse, Venice, Italy**_

 _More garbage from the insipid writers over at Witch Weekly. Tell me again why I subscribe to this foolishness?_

 **Hermione Granger seen Galavanting with Exile, Blaise Zabini**

20 April 2007

Katie Bell

VENICE - The rumor mill has been working in overtime lately upon a recent sighting of the Head of the MLE traveling through Venice on the arms of her current boyfriend and Post Wizarding War Exile.

Upon taking a leave of absence from her post at the MLE, Hermione Granger reported to Venice to work alongside Theodore Nott. However, it seems as though the young couple has been more interested in spending time with their former classmate, Blaise Zabini.

Zabini and family were exiled to Italy after the Wizarding War for their involvement with the Dark Lord during the war.

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 **24 April 2007: Travel Log #142**

 _ **Zabini Manse, Venice, Italy**_

 _In all honesty, the past few days have been some of the most sensual, arousing, and mind blowing I have ever experienced. Educational too, if I do say so myself. As it turns out, Theo was_ _ **more**_ _than open to me being with Blaise. Well, as long as he was part of it… I suppose he was well aware of the way I have been looking at Blaise and vice versa._

 _The two of them have shown me a new side to my sexuality that I wasn't fully aware of before. With Draco, I learned about the BDSM lifestyle; and sure, we dabbled in it fairly deeply, but we never included a third party in our adventures._

 _Theo is set to return to London in just under two weeks, and already I can feel his absence. He's asked if I will be returning with him, but I have yet to give a reply. There's nothing I want more than to continue my relationship with him, especially now. However, the thought of having to return to the MLE brings terror to my soul._

 _How can I look Draco in the eye and not want to tell him about what I've done? There's still an unsent letter tucked away about all of this, after all. How would he react knowing that I've slept with both of his best mates? Theo doesn't deserve to get his face bashed in, nor does Blaise._

 _It's surprising, really, to feel the way I do right now. My heart cares for both Theo and Blaise, the past three days bringing me closer to them than I ever imagined. Thoughts of feelings and love were furthest from my mind, but I think I may be breaking down my walls, slowly, until I am able to let them in entirely._

 _Blaise is calling from the bath, and Theo is stirring beside me in the bed. I think it is time to put aside my work and research for a few weeks and simply enjoy the company of my two lovers. Everything else can wait._

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 **2 May 2007: Unsent letter to Harry Potter**

 _Harry,_

 _I apologize for not being able to attend the Battle of Hogwarts Benefit dinner again this year. There are a number of interviews I'm conducting this week and next that do not allow me to travel. Please give our friends my regards. I shall talk to you soon…_

 _Hermione_

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 **3 May 2007: Travel Log #145**

 _ **Italian Ministry of Magic, Rome, Italy**_

 _Interview questions for Francesco Esposito, Italian Minister for Magic:_

 _How far back in your family have arranged marriages happened?_

 _Do you plan on continuing the practice if you were to have children?_

 _Do you feel your own arranged marriage was in the best interest of your well-being?_

 _What would you like to see done with the current Pureblood Laws that govern our society?_

 _How have betrothal contracts affected the witches the Italian Wizarding community?_

 _What is done to the witches and wizards that fight against their betrothal contracts?_

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 **8 May 2007: Unsent letter to Theodore Nott**

 _Theo,_

 _You've only been gone for a day and already, I miss you desperately. Blaise is keeping me company enough, but I've grown so used to your presence. I care for you, not nearly in the realm of which I care for Draco, but you're special. Most definitely special._

 _Herm…_

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 **13 May 2007: Travel Log #147**

 _ **Crowne Plaza Hotel, Milan, Italy**_

 _Blaise has set me up in this beautiful hotel even though I told him such extravagance wasn't necessary. He said only the best for his bella ragazza! He's undeniably too sweet to me, but I cannot complain. Unfortunately, he had to stay behind and deal with some issue with his family's estate. I can only imagine what mischief he and I could get into together here in Milan. Perhaps he and I can return at some later time._

 _Room service has brought up my dinner, so while I eat, I'll go over my notes for my interviews. There are a few witches that were forced into marriages because of the Pureblood laws that I have been able to get a hold of. They're interested in sharing their stories with me. It will be interesting to see the different takes on their situations. A few days here in Milan and then I will be back to Venice to finish out my stay in Italy._

 _Theo is coming for a long weekend at the end of the month, and my therapist has advised me that it may be time to return as well. She has a point… I can't keep running away from my problems. Besides, I'm happy with Theo, and Blaise too, so there's no reason to keep away from Draco. Right?_

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 **17 May 2007: Unsent letter to Draco Malfoy**

 _Draco,_

 _Have you ever considered trying to get out of your marriage? You have a child, a son even, so surely you ought to be able to get out now… There must be something else I am missing. Everything I find indicates that betrothal contracts must be kept until all conditions have been met. You married Astoria in the allotted time, you had a son to keep the Malfoy legacy going, and the marriage has lasted over a year. Surely that means you can leave her?_

 _Have you fallen in love with her for real? Do I no longer mean anything to you?_

 _Hermione_

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 **20 May 2007: Travel Log #149**

 _ **Zabini Manse, Venice, Italy**_

 _Ron and Pansy have arrived here in Venice. My things have all been removed from Blaise's master bedroom and stored in the guest room across from it for the time being. I'm worried that going from having a bedmate to being alone will trigger a return of my night terrors but there's nothing to do about it at this point. It's probably for the best if we keep up the pretense that I am strictly with Theo and merely staying with Blaise as I finish my research. Although, I will miss his strong arms cradling me as I sleep._

 _Pansy is being rather pleasant for once. I am always iffy when it comes to her. It's always like she thinks I'm going to try and steal Ron back from her. No, Ron and I had our time and it was lovely, but we are not meant for each other. I love him dearly, but not romantically. Besides, the two of them are perfect for one another. I hope they last forever…_

 _I suppose it's time for me to quit hiding in the kitchen with Flippy the house elf and go and mingle. It will look odd if I spend the entire evening writing in the kitchen instead of out on the terrace with the others. I'm sure they have their concerns about me as it is. I don't need to add fuel to the fire…_

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 **23 May 2007: Unsent letter to Ron Weasley**

 _So… I should probably apologize for being so blunt about my relationship with Blaise and Theo. I didn't mean to spoil your holiday with Pansy. Although, I am fairly certain the two of you only came to see Blaise to spy on me. I know you worry, but for the first time in ages I am feeling more like my former self. I wish you could understand. I really care about the two of them. They make me happy. Isn't that the only thing that matters?_

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 **24 May 2007: Unsent letter to Ron Weasley**

 _HOW DARE YOU TELL HARRY ABOUT MY PERSONAL LIFE!?_

 _I OUGHT TO SEND YOU A HOWLER!_

 _THAT IS HOW ANGRY I AM RIGHT NOW!_

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 **24 May 2007: Unsent letter to Harry Potter**

 _It's really none of your business if I am fucking one, two, or forty men, Harry._

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 **3 June 2007: Travel Log #151**

 _ **London, England**_

 _London seems so much less vibrant than Italy… I miss the winding streets and the canals in Venice. I miss skinny dipping with Blaise and then sunbathing dry on the terrace. I think I miss the nights the most. Curling up in Blaise and Theo's arms as we fall asleep. Here in London I only have the luxury of sleeping with Theo. Imagining Blaise all alone in Venice makes my heart ache and I wish I could hurry back to him._

 _It will be some time before I am able to return to Italy, I believe. I must return to work and get myself back into the swing of things. I'm thankful there's no major case to work on at the moment, but I have other duties as Head of Department that need to be attended to. Tomorrow shall be an interesting day at work…_

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 **5 June 2007: Unsent letter to Astoria Greengrass-Malfoy**

 _Astoria,_

 _While I am sure you thought sending a magical singing quartet to your husband was sweet or dare I say it, cute, I would like to inform you that it was, in fact, repulsive. It was a distraction to the entire Magical Law Enforcement Department. Please refrain from sending embarrassing celebratory gimmicks to my employees._

 _Sincerely,_

 _Hermione J. Granger_

 _MLE Department Head_

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 **10 June 2007: Travel Log #154**

 _ **London, England**_

 _Spent the weekend working on some research and addendum writing. I'm still not sure exactly what I am doing with all of this. There are so many different sections of the Pureblood Laws that it makes my head spin. Theo has been working a lot and I haven't heard from Blaise in a few days either. I probably should have spent the weekend sleeping and gearing up for the work week, but I got lost in all my research. Besides, Theo doesn't really know what I am working on so it's easier to do it while he's not here._

 _Here's what I have as of right now…_

 _Addendum to Blood Purity Laws, Draft #590_

Pureblood Marriage Law - 1.7.20: Personal Commitments in Betrothal Contract

This should be on a contract by contract basis. Or at the very least, once the requirements of the contract have been met, both parties should be free to fuck whomever they want. Sure, sure it's more beneficial for the _heir_ to have both of their parents. But they should be raised in a home of love, not a home bound by some stupid contract.

All this states is that the pureblood male supplies his family line with a pureblood heir. Who the hell wants everyone in their family to have _pure_ blood anyways? Variety is the spice of life. Besides, I bet there is some mixed blood in the Greengrass family line somewhere…

I wish I could get my hands on Draco and Astoria's contract. If I could figure out the required term that their families agreed on, then I might be able to get him out of a loveless marriage. Except there is some love there somewhere...for Scorpius at least.. Knowing Draco, he'd do anything for that little boy…

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 **30 June 2007: Unsent letter to Theodore Nott**

 _Theo,_

 _I know you're locked away in the Department of Mysteries so you won't get this letter until after I've already left; but I wanted to let you know that I will be leaving for Santorini early in the morning. I hope you don't worry about me, but please come and visit if you can get away from work. I haven't traveled alone for extended periods of time in quite a while, and I worry about the darkness in my mind bubbling back to the surface. You have been a light for me…_

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 **30 June 2007: Unsent letter to Harry Potter**

 _Did you suggest to Kingsley that I go to the Wizarding Council Convention?_

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 **5 July 2007: Travel Log #158**

 _ **Homeric Poems Hotel, Santorini, Greece**_

 _The Wizarding Council Convention is certainly more prestigious than I ever imagined. I've been rubbing elbows with some of the most influential Wizarding figures from all over the world. I can't for the life of me figure out why Kingsley sent me in his place… I'm definitely not complaining, but it makes me wonder if he has ulterior motives of some sort. I've been asked on numerous occasions already whether or not I plan on becoming Minister someday._

 _Me? Minister!_

 _What an idea… At this point in my life I can't see myself doing such a thing. After all, I am only 27 years old. I've only been working as a Head of Department since September of 2004. Certainly Kingsley isn't thinking of retiring and putting me up as his replacement? Not now! I feel like he has so much more to contribute to our Wizarding community. Maybe in ten years time I will be ready to take on such responsibilities, but for now I wish to continue where I am._

 _Besides, I have to finish my work towards eradicating all the Pureblood Laws first!_

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 **7 July 2007: Travel Log #159**

 _ **Homeric Poems Hotel, Santorini, Greece**_

 _When I accepted Kingsley's offer of sending me to the WCC, I had no idea it was a month long event. Now, we do have the weekends to ourselves for sightseeing or traveling home, but I've decided to stay. With Theo busy at work and no major cases to work on at the MLE, there really is no reason for me to go back to London every weekend. I'm perfectly content relaxing in my luxurious hotel or visiting all the beautiful places Greece has to offer._

 _Granted, I do wish I had someone here to spend time with, but I've made friends with a few of the other members of the council. The MACUSA President and her staff has invited me to dinner this evening which I am very much looking forward to. I've always wanted to travel to the United States. Perhaps I can do so sometime in the next year. I imagine the Pureblood Laws to be quite different in the states than they are over here._

 _I should consult with Luna's husband, Rolf. His grandfather, Newt Scamander, married a woman from the States. I'm sure they can give me some information on what protocols they had to follow. A trip will have to wait, though, because I will have to relay the abundance of information I'm gathering here at the WCC to Kingsley. That may take a while._

 _There are many changes occurring to our most basic of laws in the upcoming months. They want to add to and adjust trade policies, travel regulations for witches, wizards, and magical creatures, and possibly reintegrate wand permits. It's mind boggling! I have so many things I want to contribute to the conversation, and amazingly, I'm allowed! What an exciting time to be on Kingsley's good side? I must prepare for dinner, but I'll definitely be diving into Monday's debate about whether or not the legal age of Apparation should be lowered worldwide!_

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 **10 July 2007: Travel Log #160**

 _ **Homeric Poems Hotel, Santorini, Greece**_

 _Sweet Salazar! I've just received the filthiest love poem from Blaise! My cheeks are still aflame as I sit here and attempt to write this. Oh how I miss that wizard… His long fingers bringing my body to life, the way his tongue traced love poems onto my very skin. I miss everything about my time in Venice and his naughty words only rekindle the desires that have lay dormant since I left. I've yet to hear from Theo, his work obviously keeping him from contacting me, but Blaise has been meticulous about penning me letters weekly. I shall paste his beautiful poem here so that I can revisit it often. I only hope that I can see him again soon as well..._

 _Silken whispers in the dark_

 _Butterfly touches on soft skin_

 _Swollen lips find sweet treasures_

 _Hidden from all but me_

 _Silken sheets in the dark_

 _Lightning touches on hard skin_

 _Swollen lips find darkest desires_

 _Hidden from all but you_

 _Flickering flames in the dark_

 _Velvet touches on wet skin_

 _Seaking lips find pebbled treasures_

 _Bared only for me_

 _Flickering eyes in the dark_

 _Electric touches on heated skin_

 _Seaking lips find hardened desires_

 _Bared only for you_

 _Silken sheets in the dark_

 _Stolen touches on velvet skin_

 _Satisfied lips find beloved treasures_

 _Taken completely by me_

 _Silken whispers in the dark_

 _Stolen touches on chilled skin_

 _Satisfied lips find cherished desires_

 _Taken completely by you_

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 **19 June 2007: Unsent letter to Draco Malfoy**

 _Draco,_

 _I'm learning so much at the Wizarding Council Convention. There are places in South America and even Korea where Pureblood Laws are very much still intact. It's hard to believe that such laws exist, let alone are still employed by some of the most influential Wizarding communities in the Council. I've been gathering research in order to edit and revise my addendums. I want to make sure that once the Pureblood Laws are eradicated, the entire Wizarding world no longer has to suffer their effects._

 _Hermione_

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 **23 July 2007: Travel Log #164**

 _ **Homeric Poems Hotel, Santorini, Greece**_

 _Theo arrived today! I'm so thrilled to finally have my boyfriend here with me! After I finished with the Council meetings this afternoon I returned to my hotel room to find him waiting for me. I have to admit, I did get a bit girly and squealed like a little first year. He only laughed and kissed me soundly as I ran into his waiting arms. Three weeks is a long time to be apart from the people you care about, especially when you are used to seeing them nearly every single day._

 _After enjoying a few hours of lovemaking, we went to dinner before taking a stroll around the Caldera. He told me all about the work he's been doing for the Department of Mysteries, or at least what he could share. Apparently, they were trying to restore the Time-Room. He teased me about how it was partially my fault it was in ruins… Well, he had a point._

 _Nevertheless, he seems to be in good spirits and intends to spend the remainder of the WCC with me, even if he cannot attend the meetings. I'm sure he will find plenty to keep him occupied while I am cooped up each day. Now I will have something to look forward to after the council meetings! We'll return to London on the 30th so that we can enjoy the weekend without any work obligations getting in the way._

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 **29 July 2007: Unsent letter to Blaise Zabini**

 _Blaise,_

 _I hate that you are trapped so far away in exile while Theo is able to come and go as he pleases. I wish you were here in Santorini with us, naked and enjoying the white sand beaches. I like to imagine what your body would look like under the moonlight, writhing along with mine and Theo's…_

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 **31 July 2007: Unsent letter to Draco Malfoy**

 _Draco,_

 _I heard from Harry that you and your family have taken a trip to Italy. I hope that you have a lovely time abroad. If you see Blaise, can you tell him how much I miss the feel of his naked body as he fucks me so thoroughly?_

 _Hermi…_

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 **1 August 2007: Unsent letter to Molly Weasley**

 _Mrs. Weasley,_

 _I wanted to apologize for what you may have overheard last night at the party…_

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 **7 August 2007: Unsent letter to Draco Malfoy**

 _I find it odd that you take off on holiday right when I would be returning to work. Are you avoiding me, Draco? Did I do something wrong? We haven't properly seen each other in the longest time. We hardly speak at work._

 _I'm trying my hardest to not only get over you but find a way for you to be free. If you choose to be free… You may end up with Astoria at the end of this anyway. All my research could be for nothing…_

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 **11 August 2007: Travel Log #169**

 _ **London, England**_

 _Seriously Katie? Does the entire Wizarding community_ _ **really**_ _need to know that Draco and his family have returned from holiday, you stupid bint? I certainly did not need to know… I would have found out on Monday at work anyway. Why I am saving this article, Merlin only knows…_

 **The Malfoys return from holiday abroad in Italy!**

Katie Bell

11 August 2007

LONDON - From lounging out by the pool to strolling through the busy markets of Venice, the Malfoy family was spotted enjoying a quiet family vacation. All appeared to have smiles on their faces and were enjoying their time out in the sun.

We were able to catch up with Astoria after the family had returned home. "It was a wonderful chance for all of us to get away. Draco is always busy this time of year, but he was able to get away for a few days. It did us all some good just to spend some time together.

It was lovely to see Draco and Scorpius bonding in the short amount of time that we were away. I can't wait to do it again soon."

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 **13 August 2007: Unsent letter to Blaise Zabini**

 _For the love of Merlin… Please tell me you dreamt the entire conversation and that it never truly happened? It's bad enough that Ron knows about my sexual endeavors, but Draco too? What will he say? What will he do? He isn't meant to return to work until next Monday, but how will I face him? You know what he means...meant to me…_

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 **13 August 2007: Unsent letter to Theodore Nott**

 _Theo,_

 _We may run into some problems with Draco in the near future. Blaise is fairly certain he told him all about our relationship…_

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 **16 August 2007: Travel Log #172**

 _ **Nott Manor, Dorset, England**_

 _What a peculiar turn of events. Normally, it is me that spirals out of control. This time it was Draco. When he stumbled out of my fireplace this morning reeking of Ogden's and appearing not to have slept in days, I knew that I had to help him...somehow. Unfortunately, that meant calling upon Theo. As one of his oldest friends, I knew Theo would be willing to take care of Draco in his time of need._

 _We brought Draco here to Theo's family's manor in the hopes that the media doesn't get wind of whatever is happening. I've stayed away from him since we arrived, not wanting to further irritate the situation. I suspect it has something to do with whatever conversation he and Blaise had while in Venice. I'll let Theo figure that one out._

 _I've been instructed to notify Kingsley and return to work tomorrow. Draco will be taking an extended leave of absence, possibly until October, in order to get sober and his mind together. I'm to stay away, keeping to myself and making it appear as if I have no idea what is going on. It's for the best; although, this means I will probably have to cancel any plans I had to visit my parents for my birthday._

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 **20 August 2007: Unsent letter to Draco Malfoy**

 _I hope that you are feeling better. I wish I could come and see you._

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 **21 August 2007: Unsent letter to Theodore Nott**

 _Is Draco feeling better? When will you be bringing him back to London. I miss you. Please don't be mad at Blaise. He didn't mean to fuck everything up._

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 **23 August 2007: Unsent letter to Astoria Greengrass-Malfoy**

 _Why don't you just let Draco go so he doesn't have to feel so torn anymore? Can't you see you are killing him? He can't possibly be in love with you if he was drinking himself into a stupor because he found out about who I have been sleeping with…_

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 **31 August 2007: Unsent letter to Theodore Nott**

 _Just you wait and see the filthy things I am going to do to you when I see you tomorrow night…_

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 **2 September 2007: Unsent letter to Blaise Zabini**

 _I wish you were here to help us celebrate Theo becoming the Department of Mysteries Head. It wasn't the same without you… I'll try and visit soon._

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 **7 September 2007: Travel Log #175**

 _ **Ministry of Magic, London, England**_

 _I'm certainly ready for this weekend to commence. This has been one of the busiest week's I've had to endure in quite some time. Between the September First gala and dealing with everyone's promotions, getting anything done has been a disaster._

 _Thankfully, Theo has been back to staying at my place rather than the Manor in Dorset now that Draco has returned to Wiltshire. I mean, he's back with Astoria and Scorpius, but that's probably for the best. I think he told Kingsley he'll be back to work on October first, so I only have to deal with running the MLE on my own until then._

 _Theo has something planned for my birthday since I can't go to Sydney this year, so that's something to look forward to. I suppose I'm excited… There's no reason not to be, but there's this nagging feeling in the back of my mind that keeps waiting for the other shoe to drop. Everything has been going so wonderfully between Theo and I lately that I worry something horrible is going to happen soon._

 _I'm sure it's just me being overly cautious…_

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 **18 September 2007: Travel Log #177**

 _ **London, England**_

 _Theo has been acting weird today. He won't meet my eyes nor discuss what he has planned for my birthday tomorrow. I keep asking him what's wrong, but he refuses to say. In fact, he told me just a little while ago that nothing is wrong. Everything is great. Really? Then why are you avoiding looking me in the eye, Theo? Hmmm?_

 _I've had my favorite red dress dry cleaned for our dinner reservations. We're going to some Muggle restaurant and then a movie. It's almost like he is trying to replicate our very first date together. He doesn't have to go out of his way to impress me… I'm perfectly happy just staying in and watching a new dvd and cuddling._

 _I suppose I will just have to wait and see what happens._

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 **21 September 2007: Travel Log #178**

 _ **New York City, New York, United States of America**_

 _What a fucking disaster._

 _My birthday was a disaster…_

 _Theo, bless him, admitted that he is falling in love with me, and what do I do? I panic and run to the_ _ **one**_ _person who I absolutely should not have gone to see._

 _Draco._

 _Fuck. What have I done!? Instead of just saying my peace and leaving, I admit to him that I'm still in love with_ _ **him**_ _and then we do the unthinkable. We fuck. Right there in his private study. My back is bruised from how hard he slammed me into the bookshelves._

 _Merlin, it was hot as hell, but that's besides the point. Astoria and Scorpius were asleep in the Manor, probably just rooms away. Then there's us two buggering idiots having a bloody affair right under their marital roof!_

 _I think he knew I was about to have a mental breakdown so he gave me the keys to his flat here in New York City and away I ran… Luckily, I was able to get the paperwork filled out to Apparate to the States so quickly. I didn't even stop back at my flat for any of my belongings. I'll have to send word to Kingsley that I've gone away again… Draco did say before I left that he would go back to work sooner than he planned._

 _Just one more thing for me to feel bad about, I suppose. Oh! And what of Theo? I left the poor bloke all alone at Nott Manor waiting for me…naked in bed. How can I ever look him in the face again? I'll just hide away here in the States for a while… I need to get myself together._

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 **24 September 2007: Unsent letter to Theodore Nott**

 _Theo,_

 _I'm truly sorry. I care for you, deeply, but I am not in love with you. In fact, I don't know if I can love anyone right now. I've messed up. I slept with Draco… Please, forgive me…_

 _Hermione_

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 **25 September 2007: Unsent letter to Draco Malfoy**

 _Draco,_

 _What have we done? Are you okay? Has anything happened because of your betrothal contract with Astoria? I couldn't live with myself if you died because of our carelessness._

 _Hermione_

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 **29 September 2007: Unsent letter to Ron Weasley**

 _Ron,_

 _I'm fine. I just need to be alone._

 _Hermione_

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 **30 September 2007: Unsent letter to Theodore Nott**

 _Theo,_

 _Please… Forgive me… I just, I did something so very stupid. I started to write this letter to you so many times, but even now, I don't know where to begin. You've been so good to me. You deserve so much more than I can give you._

 _Herm…_

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 **1 October 2007: Travel Log #183**

 _ **Ellis Island, New York City, New York, United States of America**_

 _It's interesting to imagine all the people that came through this place in order to seek a better life here in the United States of America. As I wander the building and examine all the artifacts, I can't help but think that maybe I could find a better life here in the states if I wanted. If I chose not to return to London, would I find happiness here?_

 _I'm sure I could transfer to the MACUSA...Kingsley would be sad to see me go, but he would never deny me a letter of recommendation if asked. I could start over… No Draco. No Theo. No bad memories of what could have been to make me wish I was dead._

 _My heart is aching something fierce today and I worry about myself. I can feel that darkness creeping up again, bringing with it memories and habits that I thought were gone. It appears that I was only hiding them, tucking them away for when the next explosion of unhappiness found its way into my life._

 _I only have myself to blame, really. I should have known better than to go to Draco. I should have kindly told Theo that I appreciated his love, but that I didn't yet feel that way for him. I shouldn't have kissed Draco. I shouldn't have run from Theo and left him alone. I should never have fucked Draco with his wife and son just rooms way. I should never have let Theo open his heart up to me when I'm not even sure I have a heart left to give away._

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 **5 October 2007: Unsent letter to Theodore Nott**

 _Theo,_

 _One of these days I am going to figure out how to put into words my apology for you. Until then, I will continue to hide away. I'm so sorry. Forgive me. Please._

 _Hermione_

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 **8 October 2007: Unsent letter to Harry Potter**

 _Harry,_

 _What else do you expect me to do? I can't come running to you and Ron anymore like when we were children. We're adults with adult problems. I fucked up. You have your own family to worry about, and Ron has Pansy. I fucked up and I only have myself to blame. I need time to be alone and collect myself. Please, let me figure this out. Maybe I can disappear and then no one will ever be hurt by me again._

 _Hermione_

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 **11 October 2007: Unsent letter to Theodore Nott**

 _Theo,_

 _When you find out what I've done, you'll stop sending me letters. You will probably stop talking to me altogether. I imagine that I may never see you again. I'm a horrid person, and it's exactly what I deserve. I deserve your hate. I am not worthy of your love…_

 _Hermio…_

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 **17 October 2007: Unsent letter to Draco Malfoy**

 _Draco,_

 _The amount of times I've written and rewritten the addendum is unbelievable… Just this morning I hit Draft #649. I can't help but wonder what freeing you from the bonds of your betrothal contract will do. Will you want to leave Astoria and come back to me? Will you want to stay with her… The possibilities are endless. I haven't heard anything negative having happened to you so I am guessing that there was no infidelity clause in your contract. Or at least, one that would cause you bodily harm. I'm glad that you are okay, but I hate to imagine what Astoria might do if she were to find out…_

 _Hermione_

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 **20 October 2007: Travel Log #188**

 _ **New York City, New York, United States of America**_

 _So I've been thinking about Infidelity Clauses and how they affect the different parties involved in Pureblood arranged marriages. I've read countless accounts of witches and wizards dying or being severely maimed from having affairs, not to mention those that were forced out into the streets if their bonding potion indicated they had been unfaithful. It's ridiculous to think that the Purebloods of the past felt this necessary._

 _As long as an heir was produced and the marriage_ _ **appeared**_ _blissful, why couldn't those forced into these marriages be with others? This is why all the laws need to be eradicated. As an adulterer myself, as horrid as it is, I feel like I can discuss this topic now. I more fully understand what these people went through seeing as I am going through it myself!_

 _The Malfoy lineage has a proper heir, one I could not supply, but obviously Draco is not happy with Astoria or he wouldn't have slept with me. He just wouldn't. I know Draco and he is a good wizard._ _ **Such**_ _a good wizard. He's had his downfalls, sure, but if he didn't care for me, he would have told me to leave. Instead, he allowed himself to indulge in my body one more time._

 _Merlin, that sounds even worse written on the page than it did in my head. I really need to stop rambling and just get another addendum written before I get lost in this never ending spiral of resolving my guilt. I did what I did and there's no going back, but I can make sure this never happens to anyone else again._

 _Addendum to Blood Purity Laws, Draft #715_

Pureblood Marriage Law - 1.7.14: Family Involvement in Betrothal Contracts

 _15/8/2006:_ That stupid, stupid spell. Families that use that spell on their daughters should be subject to the Unforgivable Curses. No one knows what they want to do or who they want to spend the rest of their life with before the age of twenty one, let alone before the age of eighteen. Hell, I'm pretty sure no one knows even after they get married sometimes.

Who in their right mind knows what they want at any age? Obviously no one or else I wouldn't be in the middle of an affair right now with my ex lover. There has to be something going on with Draco's marriage and that damn spell is forcing him to stay with someone he doesn't even love. If he could come home with me...at least he would know he was with someone who loved him more than anything… But what about Theo...and Blaise…

Pureblood Marriage Law - 1.7.20: Personal Commitments in Betrothal Contract

 _10/6/2007:_ All this states is that the Pureblood male supplies his family line with a pureblood heir. Who the hell wants everyone in their family to have _pure_ blood anyways? Variety is the spice of life. Besides, I bet there is some mixed blood in the Greengrass family line somewhere…

He risked EVERYTHING so that he could be with me…. Maybe the potions and spells don't work after an heir has been given…

Maybe Astoria is realizing that she cares for someone else and she is looking to leave him... She's done her Pureblood duties after all… Maybe he can be mine after all...

Pureblood Marriage Law - 1.9.1: Rights of the Parties Involved

 _10/8/2006:_ I can't even believe there is an infidelity clause and rules for infidelity in these stupid things. What does it matter who is sleeping with who if the marriage they are parading around looks happy?

When Draco and I slept together, he should have dropped dead because of the infidelity clause. Maybe Lucius messed up and didn't include one… Or maybe if it's with someone who loves them more than the other name on the contract, it doesn't hold any power…

He also should have been forced out of his home because of that potion… Maybe he never drank it… There might be hope for us yet.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **25 October 2007: Unsent letter to Theodore Nott**

 _Theo,_

 _I should have known from the beginning that you and I were never meant to be. How could we be when I am constantly working behind your back on freeing Draco from Astoria so that he can be with me? I wish I would have seen it sooner so that your feelings would have been spared. I know you worry about me… I'm sure you do…_

 _I know something is wrong. So wrong. I haven't slept more than an hour here and there in weeks, nor do I remember the last time I ate something. Day before last, maybe? I feel so weak… I can barely hold the quill in my hand any longer. I've done so much work on my addendums but there is still much more to be done._

 _For now… I must rest… I need to seek help before it's too late…_

 _Her…_

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 **31 October 2007: Unsent letter to Ron Weasley**

 _Ron,_

 _I'm an idiot and need saving again. Can you come and help me get released from St. Thomas's Wizarding Hospital?_

 _I'm pretty sure they want to admit me into their psychiatric ward. I am not crazy. I promise._

 _I just need help._

 _Hermione_

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 **3 November 2007: Travel Log #189**

 _ **St. Thomas's Wizarding Hospital, New York City, New York, United States of America**_

 _I'm waiting to hear back from Ron about coming to help me get released from the hospital. In all honesty, I wouldn't be surprised if he just let me stay here for a while. He probably knows I need help, far more help than he can provide._

 _He's going to want to know all the details of why I ended up in New York and then in the hospital even. I've been missing, technically, for over a month now. I suppose Draco told Kingsley and Harry where I was, so Ron should know too, but I'm still surprised no one has come for me yet._

 _Maybe they're tired of me… I wouldn't want to be around me either. Not now._

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 **10 November 2007: Unsent letter to Theodore Nott**

 _Theo,_

 _Ron says that I need to explain to you what happened, and I want to, I truly do… But I don't know what to say in a letter. Can you please come and see me if your work schedule allows? I'll be in New York through the New Year. Please, I can't come back now. I need more time._

 _Hermione_

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 **13 November 2007: Unsent letter to Theodore Nott**

 _Theo,_

 _I am so sorry..._

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 **17 November 2007: Unsent letter to Theodore Nott**

 _Theo,_

 _I need to talk to you but I'm not sure what to say…._

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 **19 November 2007: Unsent letter to Theodore Nott**

 _Theo,_

 _I fucked Draco on my birthday after you told me that you loved me..._

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 **20 November 2007: Unsent letter to Theodore Nott**

 _Theo,_

 _I'm a horrid person, and I can't tell you why in a letter. Please. I need to see you._

 _Hermione_

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 **9 December 2007: Unsent letter to Jean and David Granger**

 _Mum & Dad,_

 _Is it too late for you to cancel your flight? I just want to be alone..._

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 **14 December 2007: Travel Log #195**

 _ **New York City, New York, United States of America**_

 _My parents are coming to spend the holidays with me here in New York City. I'm so glad to not be alone, but at the same time I have no energy to get into the holiday spirit. How am I supposed to pretend that everything is alright in front of my parents when I'm falling apart at the seams? My stay at St. Thomas's helped get me back on track, but I don't feel like myself. If I'm honest, I haven't felt like myself since before my birthday…_

 _Or rather…_

 _December 2005, but let's not go there today._

 _I suppose I'll have to figure out decorations and what to do for Christmas presents. I guess a trip outside these four walls is in order sometime soon. I wish I could just magically make all these thing appear while I stayed in bed and drank some tea._

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 **15 December 2007: Unsent letter to Draco Malfoy**

 _Draco,_

 _Thank you for the Christmas decorations. How did you know that I would need them? Even after everything, you still think of me._

 _I love you,_

 _Hermione_

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 **31 December 2007: Travel Log #198**

 _ **New York City, New York, United States of America**_

 _Here we are at the end of yet another year. I certainly didn't expect to be where I am right now. My parents are asleep still… It's early, and I should be asleep too, but sleep eludes me. I can't stop thinking about how my entire year derailed. I could be happily curled in Theo's arms right now if I hadn't gone and fucked that all up._

 _Hell, maybe I'd be wrapped in Theo_ _ **and**_ _Blaise's arms if I'd been able to shed myself of my feelings for Draco. Unfortunately, I find myself alone this New Year's Eve, again. I have my parents, and I love them for traveling all the way around the world for me, but I wish they didn't have to. I wish I could be normal again, whatever that entails._

 _I guess having a few New Year's resolutions wouldn't hurt…_

 _Next year I want to find happiness, and inner peace. I want to spend more time with my friends and less time running away from my problems. I want to be more involved with work and maybe make plans for the future. I want to get healthy, and I want to finish my research so I can finally end this pain. I want to drink more tea and shed less teardrops. I want to be content with my situation and grow towards being the old me..._

 _I plan on coming back to New York City after a short return to London. I need to talk to Harry, but I think we should see if we can't work with the MACUSA and help bring that group of Sympathizers down, if at all possible. Once that is out of the way, I can focus on the rest of the year. Here's hoping I can survive this..._


	3. Part III: 2008

**Author's Note:** Wow. Apologies all around for making you wait months for an update. I've been rather busy in life and with my other stories. The muses like to throw plot bunnies at me from all directions and I have no will power to resist. On the good side, I have expanded my horizons so much over the past six months, but it's affected my WiPs. I'm so sorry about that. Anyway, I am working toward completing all my open WiPs this year. Thank you to starrnobella and GaeilgeRua for beta reading. I appreciate your hard work. Enjoy!

I hope to start the next and final installment of this story soon! Please leave lovely feedback when you're done! xxDustNight

 **Disclaimer:** All non-original characters, plot points, and information belongs to J.K. Rowling. The cover photo is a mashup I created from photos found on Google. The story plot and dialogue belong to me. I do not write for profit.

 **Full Summary:** _A companion piece to Teardrops & Teacups, this story is a collection of unsent letters and travel logs that Hermione wrote over the course of her four year journey to find inner peace. The letters and logs portray exactly how dark and lost Hermione was feeling during this time, along with moments of happiness and inspiration after having her heart broken._

 **Trigger Warnings:** Adultery, Depression, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Threesome - F/M/M, Threesome - F/F/M, Near Death, Minor Character Death, Light Dom/sub, Mildly Dubious Consent, Infidelity, Suicidal Thoughts, Dark, Angst, Miscarriage

 **Playlist:** htt*ps:*/ope* *tify.c*om/u*ser/1246*401351/pla*ylist/4Kbud*Jyqif4ZrKeu0ao*IsL

 _ **Travel Logs & Unsent Letters  
**_ **Pairing:** Hermione/Blaise _ **  
**_ **Rating: M  
Companion Pieces to **_**Teardrops & Teacups**_ **  
Mini-Fic/Prequel to** _ **Wolves without Teeth  
**_ **Part One:** 2008  
 **Song Recommendations:** "All We'd Ever Need" by Lady Antebellum, "No One" by Alicia Keys, "Hot N Cold" by Katy Perry, "If I Were a Boy" by Beyoncé, "Chasing Pavements" by Adele, "Mercy" by Duffy, "Tattoo" by Jordin Sparks, and "Better in Time" by Leona Lewis

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" _Outside of a teapot, life is but thousands of dusty affairs_ _._ "  
— _Terri Guillemets  
_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 _ **Travel Logs & Unsent Letters**_

 _ **Part Three: 2008**_

 **7 January 2008: Travel Log #201**

 _ **Ministry of Magic, London, England**_

 _I've been back in London for about a week now. I've been continuing to stay in contact with the MACUSA over the Death Eater Sympathizer group that seems to have taken residency in New York. They are insistent that I return and aid them in bringing them to justice. The MACUSA is furious that the bloody bastards are even there in the first place. They've always kept to themselves, Voldemort's clutches not quite reaching across the pond. I'm currently working on preparing the paperwork so that when I bring the issue to Harry, he's willing to side with me. I'm going to need him for this case and Kingsley is_ _ **not**_ _going to be thrilled to see us leave._

 _Aside from that, my melancholy nature has apparently decided to follow me. Not that I expected anything less. It doesn't help that Draco is actively avoiding me at work. I get that we screwed up and had an affair, but I never expected him to act this way when I finally returned home. I haven't bothered to return his keys to the New York flat yet seeing as Harry and I will be returning there. It's been a rough week at work with Draco ducking out of sight every time he catches sight of me. My heart hurts more than ever, but I must endure. I can get through this. Right?_

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **15 January 2008: Travel Log #203**

 _ **Ministry of Magic, London, England**_

 _Harry has agreed to come back to the States with me and help the MACUSA track down the Sympathizers. It's a relief, really, that I won't have to go back on my own. Harry is my best friend, and while I know that he has his family here, he wants nothing more than to rid the world of Death Eater scum once and for all. I may have used this to my advantage, but it needed to be done._

 _He keeps asking me what happened regarding Theo, and Draco as well. I won't tell him. I just don't know how. I don't know how to tell anyone. Theo is the one that needs to know. I shouldn't keep the affair from him. He told me that he loves me… It hurts to know that I don't love him too. I care for him, more than words can say, but I am not in love with him and I don't think I ever could be._

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 **23 January 2008: Unsent letter to Theodore Nott**

 _Theo,_

 _I am so sorry for running away from you like I did. I'm a coward, I know. I don't deserve your love. I am in love with someone else, and I think you know who that is. In fact, that's why I'm writing. He and I… We had an affair. On my birthday. I'm so sorry. I really am. Please forg-_

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 **25 January 2008: Travel Log #206**

 _ **New York, New York, United States of America**_

 _Back in New York with Harry at my side. He was sort of taken aback when I revealed that this flat belongs to Draco. Then, he was mad and the lecture happened. How can I move on if I still hold him so close to my heart? And so on. He has a point; I will give him that, but Draco willingly gave me the keys to this flat for my use. I did not ask. I did not beg. I'll get over Draco in my own time._

 _Our work begins this afternoon. There's a meeting at the MACUSA we must attend so we're heading out for lunch beforehand. I'm rather nervous, to be honest. It's been a little while since my last mission and that didn't go so well. Nevertheless, I must hold myself together and carry on as I normally would. Despite what my therapist says, I am feeling more uplifted lately. I'm a work in progress._

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 **3 February 2008: Unsent letter to Ron Weasley**

 _Ron,_

 _Harry and I are doing well, for the most part. We're still searching for the Sympathizers. Can you do me a favor? Can you possibly ask Theo if he's been receiving the letters I sent? I've been trying to contact him for ages with no response from him. I don't know what to do._

 _Hermione_

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 **10 January 2008: Unsent letter to Theodore Nott**

 _Theo,_

 _Please, I am begging you. Please, come and visit me. I don't want to be alone and Harry is going home to visit his family for a few days. I can't do it. I can't be alone here with myself. I'm scared of what I may do, of who I have become. I may not be in love with you, but you made me better. You helped keep me from falling apart. At least for a little while._

 _Hermione_

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 **17 February 2008: Travel Log #208**

 _ **New York, New York, United States of America**_

 _Thank Merlin for Harry._

 _Theo's unexpected arrival here in New York took me by surprise, more than I can say. At first, I was thrilled to find him here in the flat, but then my conscious managed to get the best of me. I told him everything… About the affair, about my love for Draco, about how I could probably never love him the way he deserves. I can still remember his parting words…_

 _I can't compete with the love you still have for Draco._

 _The worst part? He's right. He can't and that makes my heart ache. I sat huddled on the couch for nearly twenty-four hours until Harry returned from London. I couldn't move. All the teardrops I have shed, I am surprised I am still standing. If Harry hadn't returned when he did, I probably would have found myself in the dark place again. I teeter on the edge of that place more often than not and it frightens me._

 _Theo deserves better. He doesn't deserve me._

 _No one deserves me._

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **1 March 2008: Unsent letter to Ron Weasley**

 _Ron,_

 _Things are okay, at the moment. Harry and I think we might have a lead in the case. It's all very mundane and I feel so sluggish. I just want to curl up in bed and stay there all the time. Harry tries to keep me active when we're not working the case. We visit the sights and the Wizarding sector. I've come to adore Central Park; I sit and watch the kids running and playing, the Muggles walking their dogs or simply chatting with family and friends._

 _I imagine that's what you and I would have been like had our child survived. Would we have spent Sundays at the park? I shouldn't be asking you such questions, but I find I am-_

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **5 March 2008: Travel Log #212**

 _ **New York, New York, United States of America**_

 _Well, things have progressed on the Sympathizer case. We've found the location of their base and are currently in talks with the MACUSA on how to effectively infiltrate and take down the Sympathizers once and for all. It's going to take another month at the most. Harry seems in good spirits over the entire ordeal; his heart already waiting to take him back to London and his ever growing family. We're going to try and relax while we can. The battle is coming._

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **18 March 2008: Unsent letter to Draco Malfoy**

 _Draco,_

 _I shouldn't be writing you. I should keep well enough alone. Possibly a few too many drinks earlier tonight at the pub with Harry has led me to this point, however. I know I should regret what we've done, and I should do everything in my power to forget what you and I had… Only, I can't. I still want you as much as I did before. My heart still yearns to be with you. It tears me to pieces, Draco. I love you…_

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 **30 March 2008: Unsent letter to Blaise Zabini**

 _Blaise,_

 _If you knew what I had done to Theo, you wouldn't be writing me and asking for my help right now. You would be very angry and possibly even hurt. I know that you care for him just as much as I do, probably more actually. I'm sorry, I want to help you, but I'm afraid that if I do, I'll only hurt you in the process._

 _Hermione_

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 **2 April 2008: Travel Log #219**

 _ **New York, New York, United States of America**_

 _Aside from the Sympathizer case, I've started researching everything I can to help Blaise get back to the UK. After much reluctance, I went ahead and agreed to take the lead on his case. There's no reason for him to stay in Venice anyway. His family was neutral during both Wizarding wars, and despite helping Draco make it through the castle unscathed during the Battle of Hogwarts, he had nothing to do with any Death Eaters at all._

 _My hands are tied while I'm here in the States, but as soon as I return to London, I'm throwing myself headfirst into this case. I could use a friendly face, even if I did break the heart of one of his best mates. I wonder if Theo has told him what happened between us? He has to know, right? It doesn't matter. If he does know, he obviously has taken it into account prior to sending me his letter. I'll do what I can for him, and then move on._

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **10 April 2008: Unsent letter to Draco Malfoy**

 _Draco,_

 _I've spent the better part of the night tossing and turning as I thought on the words the palm reader spoke to me. About me. Of my future. She said that if given the time and effort that my love line may be repaired. She was referring to you, of course. If I make it through this insanity and eradicate all the Pureblood laws, is there a chance for us? Would you come back to my arms? I'm unsure… She had much more to say also…_

 _Even now, her words bring a chill down my spine. She said that my one, true soulmate still awaits me, but he does not yet realize it. What does that mean? Does that mean you are not my soulmate? After everything we've been through, I can see that perhaps being correct. But why, then, do I still yearn for you day after day?_

 _Unless I am free of my past, she went on, I will never be whole. Our souls will blend, but never bind. What the bloody hell does that even mean!? I can't fathom a word of it. I told Harry it was stupid to visit a palm reader. I suffered through my fair amount of Trelawney's nonsense before dropping Divination… Supposedly, this person and I will save each other, as well as everyone else… Complete nonsense._

 _Please, tell me this is crazy. Please, tell me there is still hope and that this soulmate I have yet to meet means nothing. Please, tell me there is no reason to "Fear the wolf" and that you will protect me until your dying breath. Just, please, Draco, come back to me in the end…_

 _Hermione_

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 **16 April 2008: Travel Log #222**

 _ **New York, New York, United States of America**_

 _I can't believe we did it! Harry and I found a way to get Muggle mobile devises to work around wizarding wards and protections! We're going to change the Wizarding world as we know it, paving a way for the younger generation like never before. I'm so excited! We've tinkered around with the devices in the New York Wizarding sector a bit, but didn't stay long. Even here, people know who we are and what we have done for the Wizarding world as a whole._

 _I look forward to bringing this new discovery back to the Ministry with us and sharing the spells with our friends and coworkers. The Minister even seems rather intrigued with our discovery. Oh, I'm so happy I could dance. Perhaps, defeating the Sympathizers and returning to London won't be so bad, after all. Maybe, things are finally starting to look up! I'm going to cross my fingers and hope that it does!_

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **24 April 2008: Travel Log #225**

 _ **New York, New York, United States of America**_

 _Harry's had an emergency back home. Ginny and the baby, it would seem. Everything seems to be alright, but Ginny has been told to remain on bedrest for the remainder of the pregnancy. I can't even imagine what she's feeling right now. Actually, I might. Losing a child is so horrible. To this day, a part of me feels empty… I don't want to think on that though. There's nothing to be done about it now. Ron and I were not meant to be parents. I, it would seem, was not meant to be a mother._

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **24 April 2008: Unsent letter to Theodore Nott**

 _Theo,_

 _Harry has told me you've been transferred to Egypt. I hope that wasn't because of what happened between the two of us. I would never want to run you off, Theo. I'm so sorry about everything. I want you to be happy. If Egypt makes you happy, then stay there. Just, please don't run away because of me…._

 _Hermione_

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **25 April 2008: Travel Log #226**

 _ **New York, New York, United States of America**_

 _I've had a revelation! The palm reader accurately predicted what happened to Ginny! She told Harry he was going to receive news on the wings of a bird and that he would be whisked home in a swirl of green light! I can't believe I didn't realize it before… That's the owl Harry received from Ron and his departure through the floo. What does this mean for me and my fate? I've never been one to believe in such things but how could someone who knows nothing of us or the magical world predict such things?_

 _Maybe I need to sleep. I've found myself unable to rest without another person in the flat. I've been working on my Addendums in Harry's absence. To pass the time until he returns, which should be later today according to his letter. I really need to put away all this research and rest so that I can focus on final preparations for taking down the Sympathizers. In just days, we'll be implementing our final attack to bring them down once and for all. I hope all goes well…_

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **5 May 2008: Unsent letter to Draco Malfoy**

 _Draco,_

 _The keys for your New York flat are inside this envelope. Thank you for allowing me to use it for so long. It was a safe space for me while I was away and I've come to adore it more than you will ever know. I only wish that you and I had been there together, staring out the glass window at the cityscape beyond…_

 _Hermio-_

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **6 May 2008: Travel Log #228**

 _ **Ministry of Magic, London, England**_

 _Work has been very boring since returning to England. Draco is still avoiding me, Harry has taken some time off to be home with Ginny, Ron is busy at the shoppe, and I'm stuck here at work playing catch up with files and forms. So much fun, let me say. Everything seems so black and white since leaving New York. I never thought I'd miss that city, but there it is._

 _I wonder how long I'll be able to hold out before I go setting off on another adventure. I feel like everyone is busy with their lives but me. Even Draco has put in a request for some time off from work. I'm not sure why, but I signed off on it and sent it to Kingsley for final approval just this morning. I hope it has nothing to do with the fact that I returned his keys yesterday…_

 _In more productive news, I've been working through the case file on Blaise and his family. He and I have been in touch a small amount, and it's nice getting to know more about him and his family. I know him intimately, but now I feel like I know him personally. If all goes well, I think I can have him home by the fall. I'm just waiting to hear whether or not I can move forward with his request. Fingers crossed._

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **11 May 2008: Unsent letter to Ron Weasley**

 _Ron,_

 _Sometimes I feel like no one understands me. I adore all of Harry and Ginny's children. I truly do, but I think she sometimes forgets that I am unable to have children of my own. I know she meant no harm by her words and actions today when I was visiting, but it broke my heart nonetheless. I want a family so badly…_

 _And that will never happen._

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **11 May 2008: Unsent letter to Draco Malfoy**

 _Seeing Ginny ready to give birth to yet another child makes me think of what you and I could have had. Do you ever think about what our children would have looked like? Would they have had curly blond hair or been brunette? Would they have grey eyes or brown? Little boys or little girls? These are all things that haunt me sometimes, especially when I least expect it to. Unfortunately, I will never know the joy of motherhood._

 _I am broken._

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **28 May 2008: Travel Log #231**

 _ **London, England**_

 _I still wonder why I subscribe to this trashy magazine, but this article has given me pause. I worry. I wonder if Draco is okay…_

 **Draco Malfoy seen travelling alone in Copenhagen**

28 May 2008

Katie Bell

COPENHAGEN - Draco Malfoy has recently been spotted jumping about from pub to pub while spending time in Copenhagen. It has appeared that his normal crew of travel companions has remained at home this time around. Although that may not have been the best decision.

Malfoy certainly looks like he has seen better days. It appears as though he has not been sleeping, which would be the normal appearance for someone with a small child. However, it appears that the rest of the Malfoy family has not joined him on this trip.

Along with a lack of sleep, it would appear that Malfoy has allowed himself to indulge a few more libations than he probably should have. More than a few reports have come forward stating that if it weren't for his status, Malfoy would have been removed from a few of the pubs he had decided to frequent during this visit.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **3 June 2008: Travel Log #233**

 _ **London, England**_

 _I suppose I was right to worry about Draco, especially after receiving his letter. Why would he want me to come and see him in Copenhagen? Why!? I can't go to him, not after what we did on my birthday! And his request for time off from work wasn't supposed to be a leave of absence… I thought he was simply going on a vacation with his family or something… Clearly, it was far more complex than that._

 _I've already decided not to go. I can't. Seeing him again and talking about what we did… It will only manage to break my heart more than it already has been shattered. I'm sure he will understand. I'm not going to reply to the letter. I'll simply pretend it never arrived._

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **5 June 2008: Unsent letter to Draco Malfoy**

 _Draco,_

 _I hope that you are not alone for your birthday and that you are taking care of yourself. I worry about you, even after all this time. I know you wanted me to come and see you, but I can't. I just… I can't …_

 _You have to know why. It's not good, for either of us. If I come see you, we both know where we'll end up. You don't need that and neither do I. Please, understand that, as much as I love you, we can't see one another again._

 _Hermione_

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **18 June 2008: Unsent letter to Jane and David Granger**

 _Mum and Dad,_

 _I know it's been a while since I've talked with you. I'm so sorry. Life is busy and stressful and some days I feel like I'm drowning. I need your guidance, now more than ever. What do I do? Draco has asked for me to come and see him but I am unsure as to what to do. Do I go and risk tearing my life and his marriage apart, or do I stay away, heart aching and regrets weighing me down?_

 _I just-_

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **30 June 2008: Unsent letter to Draco Malfoy**

 _Go fuck yourself._

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **3 July 2008: Travel Log #240**

 _ **London, England**_

 _What am I doing?_

 _This is a mistake. I need to unpack these bags, cancel my train ticket, and then make an appointment with Dr. Leonard. I should have burned that second letter from Draco. I knew what would be written on that parchment. I knew what emotions it would evoke within me._

 _I am weak. I am going to regret this trip until my dying day. I let a silly little thing like remorse seep into my heart and break my resolve. An entire weekend away from the new baby and a family that I can never have seemed like a dream though…_

 _This is foolish._

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **7 July 2008: Travel Log #241**

 _ **Samaya Hotel Deira, Riggat Al Buteen, Dubai, United Arab Emirates**_

 _Stupid. Stupid. Stupid._

 _I'm a fool. I should never have gone to Copenhagen. What a right mess! Draco is ruined, and I am torn apart. I have no idea what to do now. I should have taken the train back to London, but instead, I went right to the airport and flew here to Dubai. Everyone will wonder where I've gone, but at this point, I couldn't care less. Seeing anyone at this point would probably result in a colossal meltdown of epic proportions. Redundant, I know, but I'm calling it as it is._

 _I don't know what else I expected would happen when I packed my bags and boarded that train. I knew going into the situation that it could end only one of two ways. Either Draco was going to end up hurt or I was, and this time… It was him. I feel oddly disjointed over the entire ordeal. There were so many opportunities for me to just walk away and I ignored all of them. This is my fault. I brought this on for the two of us._

 _I just need a few days and then I'll be fine. I'll hide away here and rest. I'm bruised and battered, both physically and mentally. I need this. I need to be free…_

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **9 July 2008: Unsent letter to Draco Malfoy**

 _Draco,_

 _I hope that you are doing better and that you've returned to London. I'm spending some time away. I haven't told anyone which probably is going to put me out of a job, but please don't be angry. I think it best we never see one another again in any aspect. I might resign from my job and look for something else. Hell, maybe I'll take a job with the MACUSA. The States weren't so horrible. I have a lot to think on. Be well._

 _Hermione_

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **10 July 2008: Unsent letter to Draco Malfoy**

 _Draco,_

 _You said that I was all you ever wanted. Did you really mean that?_

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **10 July 2008: Unsent letter to Draco Malfoy**

 _Draco,_

 _I know that we talked everything through that night before I left, but what if we could make it work. There's something I haven't told you. I've been working toward eradicating all the Pureblood laws that tie you to Astoria. When I break them down, you and I can be together. You won't have to wake up next to her anymore. It can be you and me again. Together. Just like we've both always wanted. What do you say? Can you hold on just a little while longer?_

 _Hermione_

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **16 July 2008: Travel Log #245**

 _ **Samaya Hotel Deira, Riggat Al Buteen, Dubai, United Arab Emirates**_

 _I've been hiding out for well over a week now. Surprisingly, no one has reached out to me. I suppose I should find that odd, but after two years of simply dropping off the map, I think maybe my friends are used to this. They also all have lives of their own they have to deal with. Honestly, I really shouldn't be top priority in anyone's life but my own._

 _After all this time, I am so sick and tired of everything. I'm angry and sad. I want to finish my research, but I also want to flush it all down the fancy toilet in the loo. I want to kick and cry and scream. I want to hate Astoria, but I can't. I want to hate Draco, but I can't. Really, the only person I hate is myself._

 _I hate myself for being this way. I've said it time and time again. I am Hermione Granger. I shouldn't be this way. I don't know what's wrong with me… No matter how many talks I have with Dr. Leonard or Addendums I write, nothing makes me feel whole again. Maybe I'm meant to be alone. Maybe I'm meant to always be the one on the outskirts of happiness looking in…_

 _I can't see into the future, so I truly do not know what to expect. I think the palm reader was wrong about Draco and me. There's no hope for us in repairing our love. As much as I would like to believe otherwise, I think our paths are set. Only, instead of waiting around for some unknown soulmate that has no idea I exist, I'll just take matters into my own hands. There's no need for all of this._

 _I am done. With the addendums and Draco and this life._

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **22 July 2008: Unsent letter to Draco Malfoy**

 _Draco,_

 _Why must you hold such power over me. Darkness lurks on the horizon for me. I want nothing more than this pain to end. My hand and heart aches as I write this addendum for you. I'm throwing it all away. Please, make the pain end. I can't do this anymore. I love-_

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **29 July 2008: Travel Log #253**

 _ **Samaya Hotel Deira, Riggat Al Buteen, Dubai, United Arab Emirates**_

 _I've been in the hospital again. I collapsed outside my hotel room and was found by a guest in a neighboring room. The Muggle doctor at the local hospital was reluctant to release me, but I managed to convince them I was going to gather my belongings and travel back home where my family and friends can care for me._

 _Not that any of that was truthful. Well, part of it was. I am planning on going back to London, but I don't plan on letting anyone know I've returned. At least, not right away. There's no need to concern anyone. This was a disaster I created and I am going to clean up the mess on my own._

 _I am assuming Draco must be back at work by now, and if not, who knows what to expect. I can't stay away any longer. A month is long enough and Kingsley will be furious enough as it is. I have to find a way out of this horrific darkness and into the light. Being alone abroad isn't going to allow that._

 _Fingers crossed I can find the light in London._

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **30 July 2008: Travel Log #254**

 _ **Samaya Hotel Deira, Riggat Al Buteen, Dubai, United Arab Emirates**_

 _Sleep still eludes me even with the heavy sleep medication that the doctors have prescribed me. What else to do when you can't sleep than work endlessly on addendum after addendum? It's mind boggling that I'm in the thousands now for these drafts. How many more do I have to write before it's time to take this to the Wizengamot? I hope not too many more. I'm not sure how much longer I can take this madness. My entire being is exhausted. Anyway, I hope this latest draft can help lead me into the end of things. I'm copying it over to this journal so that I can edit it while on the plane this afternoon._

 _Addendum Draft #1,256_

Pureblood Marriage Law - 1.7.14: Family Involvement in Betrothal Contracts

 _15/8/2006:_ That stupid, stupid spell. Families that use that spell on their daughters should be subject to the Unforgivable Curses. No one knows what they want to do or who they want to spend the rest of their life with before the age of twenty one, let alone before the age of eighteen. Hell, I'm pretty sure no one knows even after they get married sometimes.

 _20/10/2007:_ Who in their right mind knows what they want at any age? Obviously no one or else I wouldn't be in the middle of an affair right now with my ex lover. There has to be something going on with Draco's marriage and that damn spell is forcing him to stay with someone he doesn't even love. If he could come home with me...at least he would know he was with someone who loved him more than anything… But what about Theo...and Blaise…

Betrothal contracts may be decided between families of all Wizarding classes. No more shall it be a right strictly reserved for those of pure blood. However, if the person(s) named in the contract find true love outside of the contract, the contract shall become void.

Only person(s) stated in the betrothal contract shall be able to call for clauses regarding infidelity and children. This should not be something decided upon by the families. Times have changed since marriage laws came into existence. No one can be expected to remain in a loveless marriage when love can be seen on the other side of the street.

Pureblood Marriage Law - 1.7.20: Personal Commitments in Betrothal Contract

 _10/6/2007:_ All this states is that the pureblood male supplies his family line with a pureblood heir. Who the hell wants everyone in their family to have _pure_ blood anyways? Variety is the spice of life. Besides, I bet there is some mixed blood in the Greengrass family line somewhere…

 _20/10/2007:_ He risked EVERYTHING so that he could be with me…. Maybe the potions and spells don't work after an heir has been given…

 _20/10/2007:_ Maybe Astoria is realizing that she cares for someone else and she is looking to leave him... She's done her Pureblood duties after all… Maybe he can be mine after all…

What if someone doesn't want to have children in an arranged marriage? Did anyone ever think of that? I need to look into what would happen then. There has to be a case of something along those lines happening somewhere in history.

No child should have to be raised in a home where the marriage is loveless. That's not fair to the child. What if they begin to think that they are the reason that Mommy and Daddy aren't always so nice to each other? How do you explain to them that it's because people they may not even know decided how their lives should be lived? That's something a parent should never have to do. Definitely something to keep in mind...

Pureblood Marriage Law - 1.9.1: Rights of the Parties Involved

 _10/8/2006:_ I can't even believe there is an infidelity clause and rules for infidelity in these stupid things. What does it matter who is sleeping with who if the marriage they are parading around looks happy?

 _20/10/2007:_ When Draco and I slept together, he should have dropped dead because of the infidelity clause. Maybe Lucius messed up and didn't include one… Or maybe if it's with someone who loves them more than the other name on the contract, it doesn't hold any power…

 _20/10/2007:_ He also should have been forced out of his home because of that potion… Maybe he never drank it… There might be hope for us yet.

Only the individuals named in the Betrothal Contract will be given the chance to state the expectations and clauses that will be incorporated in the contract. No longer shall the parents and extended families determine the choices that each individual make from the contract and clauses.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **30 July 2008: Unsent letter to Ron Weasley**

 _Ron,_

 _Can you explain why it took you an entire month to realize I was even gone?_

 _Hermione_

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **31 July 2008: Travel Log #255**

 _ **Potter Residence, Godric's Hollow, England**_

 _Really? An intervention? Harry and Ron thought they were going to try and stick me with an intervention. Luckily, I knew what I was walking into from a Quidditch field away. I've already been to see my therapist since returning to England, anyway. She's not happy with me, but then again, I'm not happy with myself either._

 _This is meant to be Harry's birthday party, not some sort of therapy session for my sorry arse. I've snuck off to the loo for a few minutes, but they'll be expecting me back downstairs sooner rather than later. As soon as it's socially appropriate, I'm going to leave. I'd much rather be at home curled up with my cat and a cup of tea._

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **1 August 2008: Unsent letter to Blaise Zabini**

 _Blaise,_

 _As you well know, I've been working diligently on your case. As much as I adore you, I think it wise you keep your naughty words to a minimum so that I don't have to accidentally spill ink to cover them. Kingsley will start to wonder about my sloppiness in regards to the case. You can send me all the filthy letters you want, just keep them separate from the case._

 _Hermione_

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **3 August 2008: Unsent letter to Theodore Nott**

 _Theo,_

 _I've been working on Blaise's case for a while now and I think that he and I may rekindle what we started in Venice. I don't want to hurt you more than I've already done. I've always cherished your friendship and I just… I miss you. I'm sorry things happened the way that they did._

 _Hermione_

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **15 August 2008: Travel Log #260**

 _ **Witch's Brew, Ministry of Magic, London, England**_

 _Lunchtime madness. Not that I'm even hungry, mind you. I'm just eating because Harry stopped by my office and demanded me to get out. I'm fairly busy catching up with paperwork and putting the finishing touches on Blaise's case. It goes to trial next week, and I want everything to go perfectly so he can return to England._

 _My heart is racing. I don't know what to do. On one hand I want to walk right over to Draco's office and tell him to forget everything that we agreed on before I left Copenhagen, and on the other, I just want to move on. I've only seen mere glimpses of him over the past couple weeks. We're doing our very best to avoid one another like the plague. Merlin, I can't function._

 _There's also the matter of Blaise and his obvious feelings for me. It seems whatever candle was lit when I was in Venice never dimmed. His letters are rather eye opening and make me blush more than I care to admit. I shouldn't want him the way I do, but I can see something brewing there. It's times like these I wish my mother was here with me._

 _This cafe is bustling, and the people hurry to get their coffee and food before the lunch hour ends. I wish I could relate to all of them. Instead, I sit here a jumbled mess of anxiety verging on the brink of a panic attack. I want life to be easy. I want to know what to do without having to think on it for days on end._

 _I want…_

 _I don't know what I want._

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **21 August 2008: Unsent letter to Blaise Zabini**

 _Blaise,_

 _I'm terrified that tomorrow's hearing will not go in your favor. I know that we've done everything we can and that our case is solid, but still there is that fear within me. I want you to be happy and I would travel in time to make sure of that, but I wonder if it won't be enough. If this doesn't work, I will appeal until everything is right in the world. I'd do anything for you, as crazy as that may seem._

 _Love,_

 _Hermione_

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **23 August 2008: Unsent letter to Theodore Nott**

 _Theo,_

 _Blaise will be returning to UK! I wanted to share this news with you, but I'm not sure how you will take it. So desperately I wish you and I could talk again. I hope you are enjoying Egypt and that you're well. I miss you, and I know Blaise does too. Please, come and visit him once he's back and settled. I think he would like to see a familiar face._

 _Hermione_

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **7 September 2008: Unsent letter to Draco Malfoy**

 _Draco,_

 _Weeks have gone by since I felt compelled to write to you but, for some reason, tonight I felt the need to send you a letter. Have you heard that Blaise is back? He and I have been spending an abundance of time together. In fact, he's staying in the spare bedroom at my flat until he gets the Zabini Estate cleaned up and fit for living again. Not that you care about any of this. I'm restless, my heart frantically trying to discern what I'm feeling._

 _On one hand, I miss you terribly and wish to be in your arms again. However, we put an end to that. We had to lest we self-destruct. On the other hand, I want to fall into Blaise's seemingly waiting arms and forget everything horrid that ever transpired. I know it will hurt Theo and possibly you as well, but that's where my head is at._

 _I just wish I could get my heart on board too._

 _Hermione_

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **7 September 2008: Unsent letter to Jane Granger**

 _Mum,_

 _I'm feeling so very conflicted lately. In my heart, I still love Draco even though I know that there's no hope for us right now. Yet, Blaise intrigues me. His mysteriously dark eyes and fun-loving nature. I don't know what to do. Should I pursue him and risk putting a rift between him and Theo, or should I just stay alone for now? What would you do in my shoes? It's times like this that I wish you still lived here instead of so far away._

 _Love,_

 _Hermione_

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **19 September 2008: Travel Log #266**

 _ **Le Meridien Montparnasse, Paris, France**_

 _This has been a truly enjoyable birthday. Blaise has ensured that our time spent in Paris has been filled with adventure and romance. It's everything a romantic birthday getaway should be and more. He booked us a fantastic room and made numerous reservations at gourmet restaurants. What more could a girl want?_

 _I'm going to continue basking in the glow of a new relationship as long as I can. So often this year I have found myself struggling with the darkness, but something in Blaise helps draw me to the light. He doesn't seem to see me as this fragile, broken girl. Instead, he embraces my flaws and does everything in his power to make me smile. I can see that this may have potential._

 _Now, I must work not to screw it all up._

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **22 September 2008: Unsent letter to Ron Weasley**

 _Ron,_

 _Why must you and Pansy always come calling when I'm on holiday? What are you trying to do? I do not need a babysitter. Blaise is keeping me company enough. At least this time there won't be any surprises to spring upon you seeing as Theo no longer joins us between the sheets._

 _Hermione_

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **24 September 2008: Travel Log #268**

 _ **Le Meridien Montparnasse, Paris, France**_

 _I've been thinking (since Ron planted the seed in my head), that after everything is said and done, perhaps Blaise and I could find happiness with one another. It could be the thrill of the City of Lights, but my icy heart could be melting ever so slightly in regards to a future with him. I wish I knew what lay ahead for me. The future can change on a Sickle and it's so utterly frustrating._

 _Soon, Blaise will be returning to London, leaving me here on my own to do some research toward my 'mysterious project', as he calls it. He has his own studies to worry about, after all, and I don't wish to distract him. I won't ask him to stay with me, even though I'd love that more than anything else. For once, it might be nice to have company while I do my research._

 _Sometimes being alone scares me more than I can say._

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **19 October 2008: Unsent letter to Ron Weasley**

 _Ron,_

 _Yesterday I conducted an interview with this yong witch and it struck me just a little too close to home. She and this wizard were engaged to be married when, suddenly, a betrothal contract came to light. They were torn apart such as Draco and I were and now I can't wrap my head around all of this. My heart aches for this poor witch, who is much younger than I am. She and this wizard had their entire lives planned out only for it to be taken away from them in the blink of an eye. At least Draco and I hadn't planned much of anything, both too caught up in work and the like._

 _I can count that as a saving grace. Maybe I've been out of line in pining so hard for Draco all these years. Here is this poor witch, who had paid for an entire wedding, only to be arrested for violating a contract they knew nothing about ON THEIR WEDDING DAY! Draco and I had some notice, at least. Granted, he was pushed into that wedding much sooner than I would have liked._

 _I'm at a loss. I wanted to eradicate the Pureblood laws so that Draco and I could find our way back to one another but now I think I have another purpose. I want this witch to be able to be with her one true love, even if I can't be with mine. She didn't deserve what happened to her._

 _No one does._

 _Hermione_

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **21 October 2008: Unsent letter to Draco Malfoy**

 _Draco,_

 _I'm alone in Paris and I find myself thinking of you again. I know I shouldn't, but there's just something about this latest interview that won't leave me alone. I don't think I ever took the time to ask how you felt about finding out the betrothal contract to Astoria. Everything happened so quickly that we just broke off our relationship and then you were getting married and I was alone. I guess I'll never know how you truly feel._

 _I know you want me; that much was evident in our time spent in Copenhagen. I think a part of me, if not all of me, will always want you too. Would we have been arrested if you'd chosen not to go through with the marriage? Would Astoria have been killed? Would you? I have so many questions… A never ending plethora of inquiries all about you and me._

 _Will we ever truly understand what happened?_

 _Hermione_

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **28 October 2008: Unsent letter to Blaise Zabini**

 _Blaise,_

 _It surprises me how much I miss you. I wish I was home right this very minute to help you study for your exam. I know you're going to do great. I have a few more things to take care of here in Paris before I can come home. First, I have to find a way to shake the melancholy memories of Draco and I so that it doesn't stain what you and I are creating._

 _Love,_

 _Hermione_

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **3 November 2008: Unsent letter to Theodore Nott**

 _Theo,_

 _I suppose it was only a matter of time before Blaise began asking questions about what happened between you and I. Thinking back, I probably should have told him ages ago when we first started finding ourselves falling back into one another's arms. Well, he knows all about what happened on my birthday now. I told him of the affair and how I fled to New York to get away from it all._

 _I couldn't gauge his reaction, to be honest. He seemed relatively contemplative given the topic. I openly admitted that I cheated on you. He could have easily assumed I was doing it to him too or that I eventually would. I don't think I'd do that again. Being with Draco while with you emotionally broke me and I'm not sure I could survive that type of guilt._

 _Please, don't stay in Egypt because of me. Come home._

 _Hermione._

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **13 November 2008: Unsent letter to Astoria Greengrass-Malfoy**

 _Astoria,_

 _I've heard that you are questioning Draco's time spent in Copenhagen. I want you to know that, yes, I was there with him. He asked me to come see him and I did. Do I regret it? Yes, but I love him just as much as he loves me. I would probably do it all over again if he asked. I know that makes me a horrible person, but that's how it is. Hate me all you want. I hate everything as well._

 _Hermione_

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **21 November 2008: Travel Log #283**

 _ **London, England**_

 _Fall has been exceptionally rainy this year. Today is no different, the dreadful precipitation sliding down the windows like the teardrops my eyes are unwilling to shed. As I sit here sipping my tea, I wonder where Blaise has disappeared to. He hasn't been home, but I don't yet fear he's left me for good. He wanted answers and so I gave them to him, though I knew they were heartbreaking._

 _He now knows all about Copenhagen on top of that one birthday I try to forget. If his opinion of me changes, then so be it. What's done is done and there's no way to change it even if I wanted to. Not a single Time-Turner remains and stopping myself from making those mistakes would only cause fractures in the timestream. I must need sleep… I'm talking nonsense._

 _Once Blaise returns, everything will be better. The sun will come out and we can go back to caring for one another as we have always done. I find my heart feels happier with him in my life. I couldn't picture a world without his smiling face. With the year coming to a close soon, I worry that I am no closer to my goal. However, now that Blaise and I have cleared the air, maybe things will fall into place._

 _I'll just cross my fingers and hope for the best._

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **30 November 2008: Travel Log #271**

 _ **Ministry of Magic, London, England**_

 _Work is slow and I wonder if it wouldn't be horrible to take time off so close to the end of the year. I know there are just a few weeks left before we're set to close, but I am looking forward to getting away again. This time with both my parents AND Blaise. I haven't yet told my parents about the progression of my relationship with Blaise, but I think they will be pleased._

 _Paris is calling my name and I want to spend New Year's Eve there with my family and boyfriend. It's strange to officially call him my boyfriend now. Before, we'd simply been lovers, who lived together. Now, though, we've moved much further than I could have imagined. Occasionally, I worry what Draco will think if he sees us together, but then I remember he and I are not together and it all falls away. I can't keep living in the past, especially as it continues to keep me in darkness. Blaise reminds me to stay positive every single day and I am thankful for that._

 _I won't ask for the extra time off in case I need to travel again in the New Year for research. As the days move on, I think I'm nearing the end of this madness. Perhaps only one more year and I'll be ready to take my proposal in front of the Wizengamot. I can only hope so, anyway. I know I can't keep going on like this forever if I intend to live my life to the fullest._

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **10 December 2008: Unsent letter to Draco Malfoy**

 _Draco,_

 _We have mere days before the Ministry closes for the year and we're forced to be apart until the New Year. In years past I found this most intolelrable; however, this year I find it's not so hard to say goodbye. Not that you've spoken more than a handful of words to me since the Copenhagen debacle. I can't really blame you, though. It's probably easier this way, to be honest. The less we talk, the easier it should be to move on, right?_

 _Hermione_

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **22 December 2008: Travel Log #288**

 _ **London, England**_

 _I'm currently packing for our Parisian holiday! I know we don't leave until after Christmas, but I am just so excited. For the first time in ages, I'm actually looking forward to the holidays. I think having someone to spend them with is helping. Granted, I've had my family and friends in the past, but there is something different about Blaise._

 _He's helped shop for presents and decorate the flat, even though we won't be here through the New Year. We have plans to spend Christmas at Harry and Ginny's. At first, I was afraid to ask him to come along, but he insisted. He loves my unofficial niece and nephews just as much as I do. I love that he dotes on them and wants to spend all this time with me._

 _Am I falling in love with him? After so much time spent loving Draco, I'm not sure what it feels like to love someone else. I want to be free of the past. I want to open myself up to the possibility of loving someone else. I'm scared, though, that I'll find myself heartbroken all over again. I couldn't survive that. Not again. Next time I fall in love, I want it to be forever. I want it to be soul shattering…_

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **31 December 2008: Travel Log #297**

 _ **Le Meridien Montparnasse, Paris, France**_

 _Since arriving in Paris with my parents and Blaise, we've been going basically nonstop. First of all, mum and dad absolutely adore Blaise, and he enjoys them too. They get on far better than I could have ever imagined. Mum and I have done shopping, our suitcases magically expanded to hold all of our lovely new outfits. I've never been one for shopping, but mum enjoys it, so I'm indulging her. Besides, Blaise has enjoyed some of the new lingerie I've purchased over the past week._

 _Tonight, we're planning on heading to the Eiffel Tower to watch the New Year celebration. I look forward to sharing the first second of the New Year with Blaise and my parents. When was the last time I felt this happy and free? I couldn't tell you. Maybe Venice? Perhaps even before Ron and I lost the baby. Who knows? I'm not going to dwell on the past today. It's a time for new beginnings and resolutions._

 _I tend not to do these ridiculous things, or if I do, I never follow through. Anyway, I hope that 2009 brings an end to my research. I hope I find true peace. I want to see the world with fresh eyes. There are so many other things I want, but I'll just have to wait and see how things play out. Blaise is calling from the bedroom… We still have a few hours before we have to meet my parents for dinner. I think I'll treat myself and thoroughly enjoy today. Who knows, maybe I'll fall in love this year._

 _Happy New Year!_


	4. Part IV: 2009

**Author's Note:** And here we are at the end of yet another story in this series. I remember when I first had the conversation to even write this thing. I know it took longer than I planned but it feels like that is always a part of this process. I want to thank everyone from the bottom of my angsty heart for all of the love I have ever received on this story. I'm so thankful that you went on this journey with Hermione and me. There will be one more part of the Teardrops  & Teacups series entitled, Floo Calls & Earnest Regrets. I have no timeline for this, but promise to advertise it as soon as it is ready. In the meantime, enjoy this last chapter and the rest of the Wolves without Teeth series which this fits into (but can be read on its own).

And of course, a huge thank you to satrrnobella who put so much of her own self into this story by way of articles, addendums, and comments that triggered scenes here and ideas for Floo Calls & Earnest Regrets! You're amazing! Thank you so much. Also, a thank you to SquarePeg72 who alpha read and kept me sane when I thought something sounded horrible. Thanks for being so helpful all the time! xxDustNight

 **Disclaimer:** All non-original characters, plot points, and information belongs to J.K. Rowling. The cover photo is a mashup I created from photos found on Google. The story plot and dialogue belong to me. I do not write for profit.

 **Full Summary:** _A companion piece to Teardrops & Teacups, this story is a collection of unsent letters and travel logs that Hermione wrote over the course of her four year journey to find inner peace. The letters and logs portray exactly how dark and lost Hermione was feeling during this time, along with moments of happiness and inspiration after having her heart broken._

 **Trigger Warnings:** Adultery, Depression, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Threesome - F/M/M, Threesome - F/F/M, Near Death, Minor Character Death, Light Dom/sub, Mildly Dubious Consent, Infidelity, Suicidal Thoughts, Dark, Angst, Miscarriage

 **Playlist:** **htt*ps:/open*.*spotify** user/1246401*351/playlist/4KbudJyqif4ZrKeu0ao*IsL?si=JINCreb-SDulWdBBNkILmQ**

 _ **Travel Logs & Unsent Letters  
**_ **Rating: M  
Companion Piece to **_**Teardrops & Teacups**_ **  
Mini-Fic/Prequel to** _ **Wolves without Teeth  
**_ **Part Four:** 2009  
 **Song Recommendations:** "You Found Me" by The Fray, "I Remember" by Keyshia Cole, "Please Don't Leave Me" by P!nk, "Gotta Be Somebody" by Nickelback, "Bad Romance" by Lady Gaga, "Rehab" by Rihanna, "Don't You Worry Child" by Swedish House Mafia and John Martin, and "The Climb" by Miley Cyrus

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

"Pour a rainbow from a teapot—

drink of happiness and love

warmth, calmness, and peace

breathe in the curling steam of dreams _._ "  
— _Terri Guillemets  
_. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 _ **Travel Logs & Unsent Letters**_

 _ **Part Four: 2009**_

 **4 January 2009: Travel Log #302**

 _ **London, England**_

 _Blaise and I have returned from Paris. I return to work tomorrow and he returns to Solicitor's training on Wednesday. I'm trying to figure out how I feel about returning to work. I love Blaise, but the thought of seeing Draco always does something to me. Maybe, one day, I won't worry about what could have been between the two of us. I don't know if Blaise and I are meant to be, but I find peace with him. For now, that's what I need._

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **10 January 2009: Unsent letter to Draco Malfoy**

 _Draco,_

 _I've spent the entire week frazzled beyond belief. I can't believe that Harry has come to our Department asking for us to work together on this Sympathizer case! He knows that there is friction between us… You have to talk to him-_

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **14 January 2009: Travel Log #308**

 _ **London, England**_

 _My therapy session did not go as well I as planned. It started out well enough. I told Dr. Leonard that I was feeling happier in my love life and that work was going well. I fibbed a bit about work, not wanting to share the news of having to work with Draco again just yet. Then she just had to ask if I'd moved on from my previous lovers enough in order to fully commit myself to Blaise! I know she was only doing her job but still… She easily made me second guess myself in a matter of seconds. How can I commit myself to Blaise when I still wonder what it would be like to fall asleep in Draco's arms night after night?_

 _Not what I wanted to hear at all. There goes all that so called progress..._

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **16 January 2009: Travel Log #309**

 _ **Ministry of Magic, London, England**_

 _I summoned enough courage to talk to Harry about working with Draco this morning. It did not go well. Why are things going so horribly for me this week? First, I lost that bet to George which I refuse to talk about, and then my therapist was questioning my commitment to Blaise. Now this? I should have stayed in Paris…_

 _Anyway, he was really apologetic about having me partnered with Draco for the case. He's not wrong in that Draco and I are the best when it comes to capturing Sympathizers. We used to work so very well together before all this madness started. Damn betrothal contracts. I'm going to fix this someday, I swear it. In the end, I told Harry I understood where he was coming from and left it at that. I'll just have to put on a brave face and deal with the heartache I feel when I see him._

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **19 January 2009: Unsent letter to Draco Malfoy**

 _Draco,_

 _I want so desperately to believe that we can work together but I fear our unrequited love is far too much…_

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 **20 January 2009: Travel Log #310  
** _ **London, England**_

 _I can't sleep again. There are too many things running through my mind in order for me to rest. Working with Draco has gone well so far. We are keeping things very professional and not touching on each other's personal lives or feelings at all. It's been difficult as we haven't really spoken since Copenhagen. I don't want to cut my losses and run because I simply don't think Kingsley will allow it to happen. He knows how important this case is and I imagine he will fire me if I disappear once more. Even with asking permission._

 _Essentially, my hands are tied and not in a good way. I probably sound so repetitive but I am constantly asking myself how I'm going to get through this. I never had to think about this when Ron and I separated. He essentially quit the Ministry to get away from me, but not in a bad way. He just couldn't look me in the eye every day knowing what we lost. I was the same, really. I love Ron to death but seeing him after the loss of our baby was terribly difficult. The separation and space saved our friendship and for that I'm grateful._

 _I ended things rather succinctly in Copenhagen. It's a miracle that Draco himself hasn't gone to Harry in regards to us working together. Then again, maybe he has but Harry didn't share that with me. Harry may be one of my best friends but he's very professional when it comes to our jobs at the Ministry. I feel so silly sitting here in bed worrying over this while Blaise sleeps peacefully next to me. He's really far too good for the likes of me. I need to put this bloody notebook away and attempt to sleep. As always, I must carry on as if I am fine and not a mess of nerves._

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **3 February 2009: Unsent letter to Ron Weasley**

 _Ron,_

 _I was in Flourish and Blotts today and had a sort of weird encounter with Daphne Greengrass-Goyle and Astoria Greengrass-Malfoy. I'm fairly certain I didn't imagine the event, but then again, I haven't been sleeping well while dealing with this case. Anyway, I think that Daphne called me a whore… At first I wasn't sure I heard correctly but then she said it again as I was leaving. Maybe I'm losing my mind or maybe they've found out about some of the things Draco and I have done…_

 _I don't know what to do._

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **3 February 2009: Unsent letter to Draco Malfoy**

 _Draco,_

 _Have you told Astoria about Copenhagen? If so, that was a mistake of epic proportions. What did you think would happen? Do you feel better having cleared your conscious? Ask her what she and her sister were calling after me in public today. Do you have any idea what you have done!? If this truly gets out, we're ruined. Do you hear me? Ruined._

 _Hermione_

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **4 February 2009: Travel Log #317  
** _ **London, England**_

 _I've never been called a whore before. Sure, my lovers have called me some filthy names in bed, but they never called me that. Ron never called me anything naughty. He and I shared a relatively vanilla sex life. Draco was the one who introduced me to the darker side of sex and I've never wanted to look back. But I digress._

 _I've been sitting in this chair by the fire and going over what it felt like to be called such a name in public. I feel dirty. I feel… I feel regret for having acted in a way that provoked being called that in the first place._

 _I really should have told Draco to fuck himself when I received his invitation to Copenhagen. Nothing but sorrow and hurt have come from that trip and it continues to follow us around like a dark cloud day after day. I probably should speak to him about this at work but I simply do not know how to bring it up in conversation. We've been so careful about keeping things professional between us._

 _What a bloody mess. I'll have to continue going through my daily life as if nothing is amiss and that I didn't hear the hurtful name they called me. They want me to go mad. They want me to fall to pieces and run to Draco for help and his defense. This is probably all a ruse to catch us together and ruin my life. Merlin, what do I do?_

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **17 February 2009: Unsent letter to Theodore Nott**

 _Theo,_

 _It was good to see you today despite the grim situation in which you visited. How did you find out about Copenhagen? You told me that the Greengrass sisters know but I need to know how you discovered that Draco and I had an affair. Was it assumed or is there proof? I can't continue sitting here not knowing. Please, you have to help me._

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **17 February 2009: Unsent letter to Theodore Nott**

 _How dare you discuss my private life with Blaise! This doesn't even concern you! I appreciate your warning but stay the fuck out of my life. You made it abundantly clear that you wanted nothing to do with me before so why are you here now? This is my mess to fix. Not bloody yours._

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **18 February 2009: Travel Log #320  
** _ **Ministry of Magic, London, England**_

 _If I thought things a right mess before, it's nothing compared to what's happening now. After Theo came to warn me yesterday, Blaise and I briefly discussed what happened last night. He doesn't seem as happy with me as he did before and I honestly can't blame him. He's assured me that he's not upset by the news, simply unsure if we can withstand all of this drama that is unfolding. My heart breaks but not for myself. It breaks for Blaise. He deserves so much more than I can give him. I love him, I do- I don't know what is going to happen. The sooner this case ends, the better. Then, I can set off for another trip to research my project and I can get away from London, Draco, and all that entails. Something is coming… I'm not sure what, but I imagine I won't like it._

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **21 February 2009: Travel Log #321  
** _ **The Leaky Cauldron, Diagon Alley, London, England**_

 _As predicted, things have hit the papers. Theo was right. Someone squealed in regards to Copenhagen and it certainly wasn't me. Only a handful of people knew or even assumed what happened. Me. Draco. Blaise. Theo (apparently). And Astoria. Here I am, sitting and having some tea and lunch when I look up at a witch at another table reading Witch Weekly. Of course I had to run off and find a copy of my own so I could read the utter rubbish being written about me yet again..._

 **Gryffindor Princess and her Illustrious Affair!**

21 February 2009

Katie Bell

LONDON- It would appear that Draco Malfoy was not so alone in Copenhagen as we were originally led to believe. He was in the company of his former lover and classmate, Hermione Granger.

Our sources inform us that Granger did not need much prodding to agree to meet with a married man alone in his hotel room. That prim and proper façade she had worked so hard to put forward has faded away revealing her true nature. No wonder none of her previous relationships have lasted very long.

We aren't entirely sure what she expected to happen in the end, but it would appear that she went to great lengths to keep the details of the trip under wraps, even from those who were closest to her.

Unfortunately for her, Malfoy was was eager to tell his beloved wife everything that happened in a desperate attempt to save his marriage. We reached out to Astoria for a comment, but she was too distraught by the whole ordeal to share any thoughts on the matter.

 _Katie Bell sure is making a name for herself over at Witch Weekly. A vindictive writer if I ever saw one. It appears as if she may be the Rita Skeeter of our generation! If this continues, I'll most certainly have to take a leave of absence from work. Kingsley will never like having his Head of the MLE being slandered in this way. If only he knew most of it was true…_

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **24 February 2009: Unsent letter to Draco Malfoy**

 _Draco,_

 _I think that it is safe to assume that by now you've seen the magazines and papers… All the seedy rumors about us splashed across the pages. I find that I can't even look you in the eye at work. How can we make it through this without falling apart at the seams? You need to talk to Astoria. Beg her to get her sister to end this madness. I know it has to be them doing this but don't they realize they're hurting you in this too? And what of little Scorpius? What will he think when he is old enough to see what was written about his father. I don't want him to think that you were anything but a good wizard, Draco, because it's true. Despite what we have done, you are a good wizard and I'm sorry I was too weak and came to see you in Copenhagen._

 _We have to end this. We can't work together and expect people to believe the articles were all lies…_

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **1 March 2009: Travel Log #324  
** _ **Witch's Brew, Ministry of Magic, London, England**_

 _Can I never eat in peace? I was just sitting here drinking my morning latte and enjoying a scone when some bloody witch from another department comes over and asks me if Theo and Blaise were sexy when they kissed! I nearly spit out my drink at that! When I'd pulled myself together, I asked her what she meant and she handed me her copy of Witch Weekly. Another bloody article. This one about my time spent in Venice with Theo and Blaise. I'm at my wit's end. I can't handle another article in this trashy magazine. Can't they leave me alone and go back to printing about how to match your eye color to your socks or whatever it is they normally print when they're not blathering on about my personal life?!_

 _I need to get up to my office and get to work but I'm pasting the article here so I can fume over it some more on my lunch. Maybe I can pop over and see Ron. He may have some suggestions about what I can do. Oh! And Blaise… He is not going to be happy about this. At all. Theo is supposedly out of the country so perhaps it won't reach his ears..._

 **Hermione Granger beds not one, but two former Slytherins!  
At the same time!**

1 March 2009

Katie Bell

LONDON - All it takes is one article for the truth to start rolling out about everyone's favorite Gryffindor. Since the release of our article about Hermione Granger's affair with Draco Malfoy, our tip lines have been lighting up with stories. There was one in particular that caught our ears and we couldn't put it down.

Two more former Slytherins, Theodore Nott and Blaise Zabini, have opted to share a bed with Hermione Granger, not alone though. The two have opted to share a bed with her at the exact same time. Some may find that a shock; however, it's not the first time that these two playboys have found a mutual connection with a young witch.

Our source informed us that sharing a bed with the same witch at the same time was a favored past time for the two classmates, so it's no surprise that they were able to lure Granger to bed with either of them. Especially since Granger has been linked romantically to both men on separate occasions.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **10 March 2009: Unsent letter to Jean Granger**

 _Mum,_

 _I know that all my life you've taught me not to let what others say bother me but I'm having a really hard time right now. The horrible things the papers are writing about me day after day are really starting to grate on my mind. I'm second guessing everything I've ever done. My therapist has tried to talk with me but then I came home and my mind starts thinking about it all over again. I need you mum. I need…_

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **19 March 2009: Travel Log #329  
** _ **London, England**_

 _I've taken a few days off of work-sick days not leave-to recuperate after the St. Patrick's day fiasco. I spent a lot of time crying alone in bed. Blaise has taken to sleeping on the couch because he feels so badly about forcing me to attend Seamus and Dean's party. I knew it was a bad idea to go. I tried to convince him but I felt bad because I know he always has a good time. What's done is done and there is no way to travel back in time and change what happened. Besides, he has his final Solicitor's exam next week and doesn't need anymore stress. I've simply stopped talking about it. Instead, I'm pouring my feelings into working on my addendums until I return to work on Monday. I've written two thousand at this point._

 _I'm hoping that Draco was simply too drunk and will forget it ever happened even though I'll never forget. It's not the first time we've had issues at the St. Patrick's party. At this point, I'm convinced it's cursed. I probably won't attend another. Seamus and Dean will have to understand. I am looking forward to this being lost to the past and moving onward. I have to finish my work on the Pureblood laws and this case then maybe I'll find peace…_

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **23 March 2009: Unsent letter to Theodore Nott**

 _Theo,_

 _I was wondering if you wouldn't mind talking with Blaise about what happened on St. Patrick's Day. I heard you were back in town and I think he could really use a friend to talk to right now. He and I are having some issues since then and I'm not ready for him to leave my life just yet. I adore him-_

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **29 March 2009: Travel Log #332  
** _ **London, England**_

 _I'm such an idiot. I told Blaise that he should go and stay the night at his family home so that he wouldn't be distracted as he prepares for his exam in the morning. I've never been the best at relationships but I feel like that wasn't supportive of me at all. I didn't realize what I'd done until he'd left. Now, I am all alone and struggling to fall asleep. I miss him by my side. I hate that there is this distance between us now, and I don't mean because he's not in London at the moment. While he has returned to the bed, we're struggling to find the easygoing romance we had before. What if it never returns?_

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **1 April 2009: Travel Log #334  
** _ **The Burrow, Devon, England**_

 _I'm currently at the Burrow but I fear I won't be for much longer. Draco sent an owl informing us that there was a Sympathizer raid on one of the old Pureblood family vaults at Gringotts. Harry and I are waiting for more news before we leave and head to Diagon Alley to investigate. It's George's birthday, after all, and if Draco doesn't need backup, then we will remain here and investigate in the morning. Honestly, as stressful as this case has been, I'm ready for it to end. I imagine if the Sympathizers have made a move, that means we'll be able to finally corner them. They're bound to have made a mistake with something so we would be able to track them down for good._

 _Oh! The floo has just ignited. I have to go…_

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **17 April 2009: Travel Log #340  
** _ **London, England**_

 _Everything has been so hectic since the other night. It's hard to believe that The Leaky Cauldron is no more, having burnt to the ground. Granted, we were able to capture the Sympathizers before they could escape. Draco has always been rather gifted at rounding them up. It's like he has something to prove even after all this time. Tom, the owner, has decided not to rebuild. Well, he's aiming to retire and I don't blame him. Watching the structure burn to the ground after the raging battle inside was something that I never wanted to witness again._

 _In fact, I wasn't even supposed to be there that night. I'd gone in to pick up something to eat after work and noticed suspicious activity. Luckily, I was able to send word via my patronus to Draco and Harry. No one was severely injured. My ankle is a bit messed up but I'm far from in pain. My recurring night terrors have returned, though. Blaise, bless him, has been forced to endure me calling out for Draco in my sleep and I have no idea how he truly feels about that. I don't even know how I feel about it. Awful, really…_

 _Nevertheless, there are less Death Eater Sympathizers in the world now and I can prepare for another journey abroad. It may do Blaise and me some good to get away if I can talk him into joining me for a short time. I'm not yet sure where I want to go so I need to do some research and prepare. Besides, I can't really go anywhere until after the Hogwarts Benefit Dinner. It's been quite a while since I've attended and I'm certain my presence will be required. I have plenty of paperwork to finish at work and a few plans made with friends over the next couple of weeks. That should keep my mind busy enough that I don't worry about anything else._

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **24 April 2009: Travel Log #344  
** _ **St. Mungo's,**_ _ **London, England**_

 _I thought it might be a good idea to go and see Dr. Leonard. She's been staying abreast of everything in the papers so immediately penciled me in for this afternoon despite it being Friday. She's really great like that. Nevertheless, I'm still feeling that darkness lurking just under the surface and my anxieties itching for something to break. I'm not really sure if talking with her has helped but at least she's aware of this spiral I've suddenly found myself in since the first article broke. One day at a time. I just need to take this one day at a time and everything will be okay._

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **26 April 2009: Unsent letter to Blaise Zabini**

 _Blaise,_

 _I don't know where you have gone, but I honestly do not blame you for leaving like you did. What happened at dinner was uncalled for but they're right, in a way. I've done some rather horrible things. I'm not proud of them in any way. Draco and I, we knew better. I knew better and now everything is a mess. I don't want to destroy Astoria and Draco's marriage. I care for you, Blaise. Please, come home._

 _Hermione_

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **26 April 2009: Unsent letter to Draco Malfoy**

 _Draco,_

 _I had no idea I was walking into an ambush last night. I thought it was going to be a simple dinner with the Potters. Ginny never told me she was inviting everyone over. I don't know what she was thinking. Maybe she wasn't. I don't know. I do know that Blaise is gone and I can't find him. He's not here or at his family home. I even checked his office in Diagon Alley. I think I've really screwed this up. Why am I always ruining the things I love the most?_

 _Hermione_

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 **28 April 2009: Unsent letter to Blaise Zabini**

 _Blaise,_

 _Your secretary says that you haven't come into the office this week. Where have you gone? I'm worried about you. I'm worried about us. This isn't how things were supposed to happen between us. You mean so much to me…_

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **28 April 2009: Unsent letter to Ginny Potter**

 _Ginny,_

 _How could you have done this to me? What did you expect would happen by inviting those horrid witches over? You know what they think of me! It was bound to be nothing but a disaster from the moment it began. I've told you about the way they treated me in Diagon Alley and I know you've read the papers. My heart aches, Gin, and I don't know what to do. I fear that Blaise will never forgive me for the pain I've put him through._

 _Hermione_

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 **1 May 2009: Travel Log #346  
** _ **Harry's Office, Ministry of Magic,**_ _ **London, England**_

 _I've had a bad feeling since I woke up this morning. If you can even call tossing and turning with nightmares for five hours actually sleeping, that is. Harry saw what a horrible state I was in and pulled me into his office. He's gone down to Witch's Brew to get lunch for the both of us. I'm meant to sit here and wait for his return and "not worry about a thing"... Easier said than done, my friend. I just wish I knew where Blaise has disappeared to since that disastrous dinner. No one has seen or heard from him._

 _I imagine he may never return and even if he does, I fear the worst. How are we supposed to mend what has obviously been broken between us? I've screwed up again, my past leaking through and tainting the love Blaise bestowed upon me. Some days I wonder if I'm ever meant to find true happiness. Something inside of me must be broken. I'm broken._

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **1 May 2009: Unsent letter to Blaise Zabini**

 _Blaise,_

 _I'm writing you one last time, praying that you will come home._

 _Hermione_

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 **1 May 2009: Travel Log #347  
** _ **London, England**_

 _He's gone. Well, he returned and has left. Blaise and I were not meant to be, apparently. I'm not meant to be with anyone. That's the conclusion I've come to at this point. I need to leave, run far, far away and possibly never return. I don't have anything to return to, anyway. I should have known this would happen. Everything I touch, I break._

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 **2 May 2009: Unsent letter to Draco Malfoy**

 _Draco,_

 _Blaise is gone. I've pushed yet another lover away because of my stupid mistakes. Our stupid mistakes. I'm at a loss and now I have to attend this damned benefit dinner at Hogwarts tonight. Will you be there? You and Astoria? You usually do attend, or so I've heard. I haven't been there in many years… I need to get away again. I can't see your face and not fall apart._

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 **12 May 2009: Travel Log #348  
** _ **Gold Bluffs Beach, Prairie Creek Redwoods State Park, California, United States**_

 _I haven't set foot in a tent since traveling during the war with Ron and Harry. However, I needed to get away and I wasn't in the mood for anything extravagant. I'll be staying in a fancy hotel in just a few days time when I finally arrive in Madrid. I'm well aware that Madrid is miles and miles away from California, but I needed to be alone with my thoughts for a few days. I miss Blaise and my heart aches. I fear I may have loved him more than I originally thought. Either that or I just got so used to having him around._

 _Anyway, the forest here is beautiful and so is the beach. I could have stayed directly in the wooded area but it reminded me too much of the war. I opted for the beach. It's bright and airy and there are not too many other campers this time of the year. It's peaceful. I needed this more than I thought. As much as I love London and my friends, there is just something about being so far away. I start to feel claustrophobic with my feelings and all of the people. They mean well…_

 _I'm going to go and take a walk on the beach before making dinner. Maybe tomorrow I'll feel better in regards to everything…_

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 **13 May 2009: Unsent letter to Blaise Zabini**

 _Blaise,_

 _I know that you're gone. You haven't been seen or heard from since moving out and I'm so sorry for that. I don't want you to avoid everything and everyone. Then again, maybe you're just keeping your distance so as to not hurt me. I do that enough on my own. Don't worry about me. I'll be fine. I loved you, Blaise, and I'm so sorry for having loved Draco more. You deserve so much better. I really did you and Theo so horribly wrong. Someday I hope to not be such a horrible person. Someday, maybe, I'll look back at this all and think about how much time I wasted hoping for something that will never be, but until then, I suffer…_

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 **14 May 2009: Unsent letter to Ron Weasley**

 _For Merlin's sake, Ronald! I took a few days to myself before heading to Madrid! I'm a grown witch. I do not need to check in with you or Harry every time I leave the country! Take a chill-potion and leave me be! I'll be in Madrid sometime tomorrow! Now, let me be!_

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 **15 May 2009: Travel Log #351  
** _ **AC Palacio del Retiro, Madrid, Spain**_

 _I've arrived in Madrid safe and sound. It's fabulously beautiful and completely different than the Redwoods. I've made contact with the Spanish Ministry of Magic and intend to meet with the Minister himself! He is going to help me make connections with a few witches and wizards that are willing to talk to me about their betrothal contracts. I am under the impression that the Pureblood laws here are more of guidelines unless otherwise enforced. They just happen to be used to keep the Muggle-borns and Half-bloods at an arm's length in regards to marriage and other legal issues._

 _I think I will go out for the evening and see some of the sights around my hotel. Ron and Pansy came here recently and she has given me a list of places to eat and visit. I think that after all these years Pansy is finally starting to warm up to me and for that, I am thankful. I'm not after Ron. I love him, but as my most dearest friend. I want nothing more than happiness for him and I think Pansy can be that for him. Maybe someday I'll get to attend their wedding and watch their family grow. It saddens me still to think about what he and I lost, but I don't want him to hold back from happiness because of that._

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 **19 May 2009: Travel Log #355  
** _ **AC Palacio del Retiro, Madrid, Spain**_

 _I feel as if my meeting with the Minister went well yesterday. He actually was married because of a betrothal contract. Luckily, he and his wife knew of the agreement most of their lives so there was nothing to worry about. They were some of the lucky ones. However, one of his wife's friends was not as lucky. Her name is Salina and she has agreed to speak with me as well. We're set to have tea on the 26th so that I can interview her for my research. I look forward to it. Any bit helps at this point._

 _I have yet to hear anything from Blaise, though I doubted I would. I wonder if he has gone to visit Theo in Egypt? Maybe he's even returned to Venice… No matter where he has gone, I miss him. He would have loved Madrid. Why am I like this? I need to get out of this hotel room. It's silly to be in such a beautiful place and lounge around in bed during all my freetime. Where have I put that list Pansy gave me?_

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 **23 May 2009: Travel Log #359  
** _ **Vinos de Madrid, Madrid, Spain**_

 _Pansy is a beautiful and brilliant witch. This place has the very best wine and I can't believe how much I have managed to drink by myself today. The vineyards were amazing and they showed us how the wine is made and let us sample oh so many different varieties. I may have purchased a few bottles to take back with me to the hotel. Some for me and others for my friends back home. I also had a bottle shipped to my mum and dad. I know they'll appreciate it. Their anniversary is coming up…_

 _Currently, I'm waiting on a cab. I've had far too much to drink to even consider apparating or taking the floo. I don't even know if their floo is connected to the hotel. Actually, I doubt the hotel even has a floo connection. I didn't bother to check. The tour guide is being ever so polite and has offered me a glass of water. That's so kind. I can't wait to return to my room and relax. I may even open another bottle…_

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 **23 May 2009: Unsent letter to Draco Malfoy**

 _Draco,_

 _I should never have let you into my life. It was the worst decision to forgive you for all the horrible things you've done to me when we were children. My heart wouldn't ache as it does if it wasn't for you. Why did you have to apologize? Why did you have to be the one to find me in the loo that day? Why are you so fucking beautiful? I would still kiss your lips and run my fingers through your stupid blond hair. I'd let you take me to bed and make me yours over and over, and over again. It's so unfair, all the things we are missing out on because you are bound to that wretched witch instead of me. Leave her. Run away with me. I still love you…_

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 **23 May 2009: Unsent letter to Theodore Nott and Blaise Zabini**

 _My most excellent Slytherin lovers,_

 _I am ever so sorry for the wrong I have done to you. I miss the way you would take care of me. You truly loved me, didn't you? I should have been more careful with your hearts. The feel of your hands and lips on my skin still haunts my dreams. I ache remembering the times when you both had your filthy way with my eager body. It feels like another life, our time in Venice. Being in Madrid reminds me of you two. You will forever be in my heart…_

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 **23 May 2009: Unsent letter to Astoria Greengrass-Malfoy**

 _Astoria,_

 _I may be a whore but you and your sister are nothing but gold digging wenches. What would you do if not for your pureblood husbands? You would still be living at home with mummy and daddy. Oh wait. Daddy is locked away in the Vaults that Draco and I established at Azkaban. I bet mummy sits at home pining after her lost husband._

 _You may have given Draco a son but I have his heart and when I've finished with this research I'm going to come and take him away from you. You're sitting on borrowed time. Get ready._

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 **23 May 2009: Unsent letter to Pansy Parkinson**

 _Pansy,_

 _You are a saint. That winery you suggested was marvelous. I am bringing you home a bottle of that special red that you said was your favorite. You deserve all the hugs for this trip. I wish you were here with me to enjoy this. I know that you and I have never been the best of friends, but I want you to know that I adore you. You are so perfect for Ron. You balance him out. He needs you. Much more than he ever needed me. I'm not good for him. I'm not good for anyone. I have far too many issues. There will never be someone for my heart to belong to. You, though, you have Ron and I want you to have him. Love him like I could not. Give him children and make him the happiest wizard alive…_

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 **23 May 2009: Unsent letter to Ron Weasley**

 _Ronald,_

 _If you don't marry Pansy, I am going to kick your arse. That witch is brilliant and beautiful and she loves you more than you probably know. She puts up with you coming to save me time and time again. Ask her to marry you. If you don't, I will. I fucking love that witch._

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 **23 May 2009: Unsent letter to Harry Potter**

 _Harry,_

 _You and I, we're good, right? I feel like you're hardly ever there. I feel like we're not as close as we once were. I adore you, Harry. Never change. I love you. You're amazing._

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 **23 May 2009: Unsent letter to Ginny Potter**

 _Gin,_

 _I forgive you for that dinner. I love you. Let's have lunch when I get home from Madrid. I'm sure you didn't mean to ruin my life._

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 **5 June 2009: Travel Log #363  
** _ **AC Palacio del Retiro, Madrid, Spain**_

 _It's Draco's birthday. It's hard to believe it's almost been a year since Copenhagen. What a disaster that turned out to be. After my drunken weekend a couple weeks ago, I've tried not to drink so much. It's helped to keep me from nearly sending letters that definitely have no reason to ever see the light of day. I don't know why I keep them, tucked away in my travel log journal, but I do. I imagine some day I will read them again and see just how nonsensical I have been._

 _I've been working feverishly on my addendums since meeting with Lorena. She's sent me a few letters with additional information for me, as well. She's very sweet and had her life stolen from her. She is lucky to have four beautiful children though. She showed me their photos. The girls look like her and the boy I assume resembles his father. I haven't seen Scorpius in quite some time but he looks like Draco. It must be a Pureblood thing, resembling your father. Who knows? Maybe it's magic. Perhaps that is what happens when Purebloods bear children._

 _I think I need to sleep. Harry and Ron want to come and visit me. I haven't written back yet but I will need to. I'll do that in the morning. I miss them so what is the harm? And Ron is right; Harry should finally know what I've been working on all these years. He's my friend too and I feel like I've cut him out. In all honesty, I'm afraid of what he will say. I don't want him to tell me I'm wrong._

 _I feel like a hypocrite._

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 **16 June 2009: Travel Log #367  
** _ **AC Palacio del Retiro, Madrid, Spain**_

 _Harry and Ron have only been gone for a couple days but their absence weighs heavy on my mind. Sometimes I don't realize how alone I feel until I'm not, and than I am again. If that make sense. We had a lot of fun and I finally filled Harry in on my research. He was blown away by my extensive research, as was Ron who had previously not seen my work. I understand their worry, but I need to finish this project. If I don't, I will forever wonder if I could have made a difference in our world._

 _Harry hinted that I should come home but I have a few more interviews to take care of before that can happen. I also want to make sure to finish the list Pansy gave me. It would feel like a waste if I didn't see the city as she wanted me to. Plus, I have yet to find a teacup to bring home for my collection. I've seen a few that are rather pretty but none that scream at me as my others have done. It will happen. It always does. I just have to keep an eye out!_

 _Look out Madrid, here comes Hermione Granger!_

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 **8 July 2009: Travel Log #375  
** _ **Condumios Taberna, Madrid, Spain**_

 _Oh. What an interesting turn my life has taken. I have always been the type of girl to be in a stable relationship with someone before jumping into bed. Like Ron. Lovely, safe, Ron. He and I dated for nearly two years before deciding to have sex. We were both virgins and it was simple and beautiful. I can't imagine my first time being with anyone else. Draco, well. That's another story. We slept together on our very first date! Broke a vase and nearly destroyed my sofa. He and I had passion from the beginning but we knew we were in it for the long haul. Well, until the betrothal. Then there was Theo, Theo/Blaise, and Blaise. I slept with them with the intention of staying with them. Sex with them was part of the package. I enjoyed it even though my heart ached for Draco and the excitement he gave me._

 _So despite all that… I am trying to figure out what possessed me to go out to the pub last night, flirt with a random bloke, then take him back to my room and HAVE SEX WITH HIM!? Oh dear sweet Merlin… I have no idea where my head is at. A one night stand? That certainly doesn't sound like something Hermione Granger would do! He wasn't even a wizard… I mean, that doesn't really matter, but still._

 _I want to blame the copious amount of wine I had at dinner combined with the shots but I know the real reason I did it. He looked like Draco and I'm lonely. I should really pack up my things and head home to London but I have a few meetings left to attend before that can happen. These people went out of their way to set aside time for me. I can't blow it off just because I suddenly felt the need to throw my morals out the door. Do I even have morals anymore? Who knows._

 _I mean, aside from being perfectly boring, the man was very nice. He bought me a few shots and told me about how he was visiting from the States. He was a gentleman in every way possible. It was me who probably took advantage of the situation. Also, I wasn't very nice when I kicked him out of bed this morning. I probably could have been a bit more hospitable. Then again, I'm not sure what is socially acceptable when it comes to one night stands._

 _Oh this is a right mess. I need a Bloody Mary._

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 **17 July 2009: Unsent letter to Draco Malfoy**

 _I don't know what I've been thinking…finding men at random pubs that resemble you. At first I didn't realize what was happening, but the more it occured, the more I realized what I was really doing. None of them are you. None of them will ever be you. What have you done to me? It's like I can't get you out of my mind…out of my body…out of my soul. It's like we're connected more deeply than I ever imagined. I don't know how I'll ever be free of you—of this intense love I feel for you. I think I need to come home. Madrid is starting to fester, and it's such a beautiful place, I don't want it tarnished with my memories of you._

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 **26 July 2009: Unsent letter to Draco Malfoy**

 _Draco,_

 _I have been home for a few days now and have yet to return to work. I've owled Kingsley and promised to come in tomorrow but I'm afraid to see your face. I slept with a handful of men who all slightly resemble you and none of them even touched on what you and I had. I don't know what to do._

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 **28 July 2009: Unsent letter to Ron Weasley**

 _Ron,_

 _Work is so awkward. I can see why you left the Ministry after we separated. I don't know how much longer I can do this. Maybe I'll just disappear far, far away…_

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 **1 August 2009: Travel Log #381  
** _ **London, England**_

 _I have absolutely no idea what Draco could even possibly want to ask of me. There is no way that after all of my fantasizing that he could actually want to run away with me. That would be unbelievable. Even if it does turn out to be that, I'm not sure I would be able to do so. More than likely he's going to ask me to leave the MLE so that he can become the Head of Department. It's not like I'm there anyway._

 _I'll meet him Monday if only to placate my curiosity. I will not agree to whatever he says without thinking it through. Neither of us are very stable apparently. I fear the worst, but I hope for the best. Maybe it won't be so bad? I already know that he loves me. That is enough for now…_

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 **3 August 2009: Unsent letter to Ron Weasley**

 _Ronald,_

 _You are never going to believe what Draco has asked of me. In fact, I can barely believe it myself. I'm sitting in my office, trembling. He wishes for me to join him and Astoria so that I can teach her how to be a proper sub. Oh, I'm not sure you are aware what that is. It's something you and I never tried while together. Don't worry. It's safe. I'd be perfectly safe with Draco. He always made sure of that._

 _I told him I would do it, Ron. I agreed if only because it's the only way he and I can be together. That is what he told me. It sounds so stupid now seeing it written here before me. It's too late though. I've already promised to join him and Astoria. Oh what madness! Tell me not to go. Tell me I am stronger than this. Tell me I do not need Draco bloody Malfoy in my life!_

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 **10 August 2009: Unsent letter to Jean Granger**

 _Mum,_

 _I fear I am about to make a grave mistake and I need your motherly advice. I am not even sure where to begin. I have fallen so far from where I used to be mentally. Even regular visits to my therapist have not helped me as of late. I cannot speak to her of what is about to come for fear that she may prescribe me to be admitted to St. Mungo's. You see? This is what I am talking about. What do I do? What can I do to break free of this hold Draco still has over me? There is something seriously wrong with me, mum. Why must you be so far away? I need you here. I am losing._

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 **13 August 2009: Unsent letter to Astoria Greengrass-Malfoy**

 _Astoria,_

 _I write to you today in the hopes that you will forgive me. I have agreed to meet with you under disguise so that I may sleep with your husband. It is true that he has asked this of me without your knowledge. However, I feel much remorse for even agreeing in the first place. I should have known better. Now, I am afraid to tell Draco that I am backing out. You must talk to him. I don't want to further meddle in your marriage. I just want him to be happy, and I suppose you as well. You don't deserve to be deceived. I am sorry._

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 **15 August 2009: Unsent letter to Draco Malfoy**

 _Draco,_

 _I cannot go through with this. Your wife will know it is me behind the mask. She doesn't deserve this! I don't deserve this… If you are to be mine, I want all of you. I do not want to share you with someone else. I love you but I cannot love you like this….._

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 **16 August 2009: Travel Log #383  
** _ **London, England**_

 _Ron has just left. Last night…_

 _Last night was a disaster. What was I thinking? I knew all along it was a bad idea and now everything is even worse than it was before. Astoria knows now just how depraved I am. And Draco? He said that it was over. I don't blame him. We fucked up. We ARE fucked up._

 _I promised Ron I would end every single thing between Draco and me. I mean, there is nothing left at this point. How can there be? His plan to include me in his and Astoria's sex life has failed. Merlin, that sounds horrible. I am a fool._

 _So many tears have been shed over the years, but none so much as today. I am going to run. I am going to leave and not return. Everything I touch here turns to ruin. I am done. There is nothing and no one left here for me._

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 **18 August 2009: Travel Log #384  
** _ **Shangri-La Hotel, Tokyo, Japan**_

 _I left London as soon as I felt I was able to do so without further harming myself. I've never had the chance to travel to Japan so I hopped on a Muggle aeroplane and found myself in Tokyo. I am going to take a few days just to rest before actually venturing out into the city. I'll eventually find the Wizarding sector and register myself as being a visitor in here. Until then, I plan to sleep and maybe attempt revising my addendums._

 _I know Ron is going to be a wreck when he realizes what I've done but I couldn't stay there a moment longer. I haven't even sent an owl to Kingsley yet. I'm sure Draco won't be surprised by my absence. Actually, at this point, no one will. Honestly, I don't think anyone would even care if I never came home at all. After some time, the letters would stop and then I would truly be alone in the world. I could start over. Make a new name for myself._

 _Or, I could just be done with everything entirely._

 _I don't think I would mind that so much. The darkness would be peaceful._

 _And silent._

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 **20 August 2009: Unsent letter to Astoria Greengrass-Malfoy**

 _I am so sorry for what I have done._

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 **21 August 2009: Unsent letter to Draco Malfoy**

 _Draco,_

 _I don't think I will be able to come back from this. My heart, my entire soul is broken and I can't get out of bed. Remember the darkness I told you about when we dated? Well, it's never left. It's always been a part of me and now it's taking over. I want it to end. This pain that I feel day after day! I can't do this… It hurts too much, Draco. I need to make it stop._

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 **23 August 2009: Travel Log #385  
** _ **Kumano Shrine, Shinjuku, Tokyo, Japan**_

 _So I managed to get out of bed today for the first time since I arrived here in Japan. I think the hotel staff was starting to worry about me actually. I found the Wizarding sector and met a few witches that recognized me from the papers. Apparently, news of the Wizarding War travelled here. Who would have known? They were very pleasant and upon seeing how distraught I was, suggested I visit this the Kumano Shrine._

 _They were right in having me come here. I have found some peace. At least for the moment. I meditated and took in the sights. Although, I am feeling rather weak and tired. I probably need to find some place to eat and then head back to the hotel. I've not been sleeping well. Nightmares. I'm not surprised. The chaos that happened with Astoria and Draco was more than enough to trigger my PTSD. I only hope that I can get a handle on it before it's too late._

 _I'm sure I need to return to London and visit with Dr. Leonard but I have no desire to go back there just yet. In fact, I'm still contemplating whether or not to go back at all. Some days I wonder if I'm just not meant to be here anymore. If only there was a way to leave this world and never return. I don't belong here. My heart aches. I ache. I want the pain to stop._

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 **26 August 2009: Travel Log #386  
** _ **Niimi Teacup Balconies, Kappabashi, Tokyo, Japan**_

 _So when I rushed off to Japan, never did I expect to stumble upon something so grand and unique. I was wandering the streets this morning looking for a teacup or two to add to my collection when I ran into the local witches from a few days ago. They saw me looking at the teacups and asked what I was up to. Of course I explained my teacup obsession, leaving out some of the more sordid details as to why I collect them. Even I have yet to admit to myself why I have so many…_

 _Anyways, they urged me to come with them on an adventure so we hit the street running. Or the train, as it were. So off we rush and we arrive in Kappabashi where there is a building with a giant chef's head! But that isn't what is so amazing… No, what is amazing is the building across the way that has balconies that look like teacups! Teacup balconies! They are fabulous and adorable and I wish I could live in them! I thanked the local witches for bringing me here with tears in my eyes._

 _They then helped me find a replica teacup to bring home for my collection. They're so sweet that I asked them to stay in touch. If ever they come to London, I have promised to show them the sights. Sometimes you stumble upon people who are kind and generous without any prompting. I am going to go and get a few more photos of the teacup balconies before heading back to the hotel for the evening._

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 **30 August 2009: Unsent letter to Ron Weasley**

 _Ron,_

 _Please, just leave me alone. I've been avoiding your letters. I don't want to come home. I don't care what I promised. I can't believe you told Harry about that night. That wasn't your story to tell! How can I ever show my face in London again!? Don't come for me._

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 **1 September 2009: Unsent letter to Harry Potter**

 _Harry,_

 _I miss all of you too but I can't get out of bed. I am literally falling to pieces before my very eyes and there's nothing I can do, Harry! I am so weak that even if I wanted, I couldn't return to work. The thought of fighting off Sympathizers alongside Draco makes me physically ill. Don't you understand that I can't do this anymore?_

 _Hermione_

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 **9 September 2009: Unsent letter to Harry Potter**

 _Harry,_

 _My heart is broken over that letter from James. I love him so much that it hurts not to reply. I know you were only trying to help… What am I to do? The darkness is winning._

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 **10 September 2009: Unsent letter to Astoria Greengrass-Malfoy**

 _Astoria,_

 _Go fuck yourself._

 _Sincerely,_

 _Hermione J. Granger_

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **10 September 2009: Unsent letter to Astoria Greengrass-Malfoy**

 _Astoria,_

 _I am so sorry that your sister has been kidnapped. However, I don't see what I am supposed to do about it. She was nothing but cruel to me or have you forgotten? In fact, I can't believe Pansy was even able to convince you to contact me at all. She really is a saint. I must remind Ron to marry that witch._

 _I will consider your words carefully, if only for the sake of Daphne and Greg's children. No one should have to lose children. Ever. If I do return, it is not because you asked me but rather because it was the right thing to do._

 _Hermione_

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **12 September 2009: Travel Log #387  
** _ **Shangri-La Hotel, Tokyo, Japan**_

 _I've done a lot of thinking since receiving Astoria's letter. It took a lot for her to send that to me and I should really consider returning to London. If an entire family has been kidnapped by the Sympathizers… This is not good. I couldn't imagine if it was my family that was taken. I've been working diligently on my addendums. I'm so close to the end now… I hope that I am making some sense but I fear that my words mean nothing…._

 _Addendum Draft #3,015_

12 September 2009

Pureblood Marriage Law - 1.7.14: Family Involvement in Betrothal Contracts

 _15/8/2006:_ That stupid, stupid spell. Families that use that spell on their daughters should be subject to the Unforgivable Curses. No one knows what they want to do or who they want to spend the rest of their life with before the age of twenty one, let alone before the age of eighteen. Hell, I'm pretty sure no one knows even after they get married sometimes.

 _20/10/2007:_ Who in their right mind knows what they want at any age? Obviously no one or else I wouldn't be in the middle of an affair right now with my ex lover. There has to be something going on with Draco's marriage and that damn spell is forcing him to stay with someone he doesn't even love. If he could come home with me...at least he would know he was with someone who loved him more than anything… But what about Theo...and Blaise…

 _30/07/2008:_ Betrothal contracts may be decided between families of all Wizarding classes. No more shall it be a right strictly reserved for those of pure blood. However, if the person(s) named in the contract find true love outside of the contract, the contract shall become null and void.

 _30/07/2008:_ Only person(s) stated in the betrothal contract shall be able to call for clauses regarding infidelity and children. This should not be something decided upon by the families. Times have changed since marriage laws came into existence. No one can be expected to remain in a loveless marriage when love can be seen on the other side of the street.

If someone is going to sign a contract, they damn well should have some kind of involvement in the creation of the contract. Who signs something that they don't know what it states? I wonder if Draco and Astoria even took the time to read what their parents agreed on.

Parents only think they know what's best for their children. They never bother to ask them what they want. They only assume that the life they have set forth for their child is what should happen. That's not fair to anyone.

No one thought about how this would affect the rest of the world in the long run. No one is happy and no one really cares apparently.

Maybe Katie Bell was right and I just make it too easy to break my heart. Or the hearts of others… Am I making a mistake by doing all of this?

Pureblood Marriage Law - 1.7.20: Personal Commitments in Betrothal Contract

 _10/6/2007:_ All this states is that the pureblood male supplies his family line with a pureblood heir. Who the hell wants everyone in their family to have _pure_ blood anyways? Variety is the spice of life. Besides, I bet there is some mixed blood in the Greengrass family line somewhere…

 _20/10/2007:_ He risked EVERYTHING so that he could be with me…. Maybe the potions and spells don't work after an heir has been given…

 _20/10/2007:_ Maybe Astoria is realizing that she cares for someone else and she is looking to leave him... She's done her Pureblood duties after all… Maybe he can be mine after all…

 _30/07/2008:_ What if someone doesn't want to have children in an arranged marriage? Did anyone ever think of that? I need to look into what would happen then. There has to be a case of something along those lines happening somewhere in history.

 _30/07/2008:_ No child should have to be raised in a home where the marriage is loveless. That's not fair to the child. What if they begin to think that they are the reason that Mommy and Daddy aren't always so nice to each other? How do you explain to them that it's because people they may not even know decided how their lives should be lived? That's something a parent should never have to do. Definitely something to keep in mind…

Why am I even doing this? It's not like Draco even cares what happens to either of us in the end. He's been given an heir, so his family should be happy. But what's going to happen to Scorpius as he grows up. There's obviously problems in that family. Astoria's barely speaking to Draco anymore. Hell he ran away and he invited me along with him. Maybe he doesn't care about anyone but himself.

I have to keep fighting for all of the other couples who have been ripped apart by these stupid laws. If I don't, then they will never be able to be truly happy. Just because I probably won't get my happy ending with Draco, doesn't mean that other people shouldn't be able to get theirs. Some families deserve better than what these laws allow.

Pureblood Marriage Law - 1.9.1: Rights of the Parties Involved

 _10/8/2006:_ I can't even believe there is an infidelity clause and rules for infidelity in these stupid things. What does it matter who is sleeping with who if the marriage they are parading around looks happy?

 _20/10/2007:_ When Draco and I slept together, he should have dropped dead because of the infidelity clause. Maybe Lucius messed up and didn't include one… Or maybe if it's with someone who loves them more than the other name on the contract, it doesn't hold any power…

 _20/10/2007:_ He also should have been forced out of his home because of that potion… Maybe he never drank it… There might be hope for us yet.

 _30/07/2008:_ Only the individuals named in the Betrothal Contract will be given the chance to state the expectations and clauses that will be incorporated in the contract. No longer shall the parents and extended families determine the choices that each individual make from the contract and clauses.

Everyone deserves a chance to be happy. It's a simple human right. There shouldn't be a piece of paper that takes all of that away. How is that fair to anyone?

Once these stupid laws are gone and the contracts are banned for good, no one will have to deal with this suffering. No one will start to spiral because they can't be with the person that they love. No one will be alone...

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **18 September 2009: Unsent letter to Jean and David Granger**

 _Mum and Dad,_

 _I'm in a bad place right now. Not physically, but mentally. I'm not sure I am going to make it. I want you to know that I love you both very much. I'm sorry… I'm so scared…_

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **22 September 2009: Travel Log #388  
** _ **St. Mungo's, London, England**_

 _Harry brought James to see me today. It was good to see both my friend and godson. It was refreshing after being away from everyone for so long. Not that I haven't gone away before, but this time was the worst. I've fallen so far and I have no idea how to get back up again. The healers insist that I have depression and I can't argue with them. I think, deep down, I have known all along. Dr. Leonard had to have known too. I wonder why she never let on. I've met with her as well and we plan on meeting more often now._

 _I just want to go home. I just want to be in my own bed, away from the beeping of machines and the antiseptic smell that plagues me here in the hospital. I want things to go back to normal. I want to be normal. Is that so much to ask? How do I fix myself? I think I need to step back from this journal for a while. I think I need to stop pouring my emotions out onto the page and instead talk about them aloud. Ron and Harry want to be there for me more, and so does Ginny._

 _Maybe if I immerse myself in their love and attention, I won't feel so empty and lost. It's worth a try. I still intend on finishing my work and research, but I can't do so alone. I have to surround myself with good vibes or I will fall to pieces. Besides, I don't have time for this right now. I have to help solve the Sympathizer case. Things are really bad. There's still no word on the whereabouts of the Goyle family. It's against Dr. Leonard's wishes, but I have to help find them. After this, though, I hope to never have to engage in any more missions._

 _I'm done._

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **27 September 2009: Unsent letter to Draco Malfoy**

 _Draco,_

 _I'm sure you've heard by now that I am back in London and out of the hospital. I'm going to come back to work and help you with this case. I'm terrified that we won't find them. I'm terrified of seeing your face after what we did. There must be something so very wrong with me that I even agreed to sleep with you and Astoria. It's so fucking messed up. I love you but this… This needs to end. I thought it was over when I left Copenhagen but I was wrong. It may never be over but we need to at least try. I'm never going to survive this._

 _Hermione_

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **28 September 2009: Unsent letter to Draco Malfoy**

 _Draco,_

 _Seeing you today was… It was heart wrenching. The way you look at me… I saw the pity in your eyes. The want. I don't know what to say to you when we're together. It was a relief having Harry and the other Aurors around so that we never truly were alone. I love you. So very much. Unfortunately, I know where we stand. That was made clear time and time again. I wish it was different but there's nothing to be done about it. We're going to find Goyle and his family. And when that is over, where are we? I think it's time I leave the MLE. I can continue my work elsewhere, but I can't see your face every day and know you are not mine._

 _Hermione_

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 **1 October 2009: Travel Log #389  
** _ **St. Mungo's, London, England**_

 _I know I said I was giving up writing my travel logs but last night was… A nightmare. I thought Draco was dead. I thought we were all dead. We found the Sympathizers and chased them back to the Greengrass Estate. It was like the Battle of Hogwarts all over again. Minus the forest creatures. Spells exploding all around and taking as many lives as they saved. I was with Harry and Draco when it went to hell. Draco tried infiltrating from the back by himself when the entire place exploded. I thought he was gone. My heart…_

 _In the end, it was Daphne who lost her life. She'd been closest to the explosion when it went off in the dungeons. Gregory and their two children managed to escape somewhat unharmed. I don't know how to feel about the loss of Astoria's sister. She instigated so much of the drama with the papers in an effort to slander my name. I feel for the daughters. I am sure they are going to suffer the most from this disaster. Greg, too, for he actually did love Daphne despite how wretched she could be._

 _I hate the hospital but I'm here getting checked out after everything that's happened. I've managed to get a concussion and Harry has messed up his leg again. Draco is still unconscious, but at least he is alive. I really thought he was gone last night. Harry had to send me away against my will. I am angry about that but I understand why he did it. I was a mess. I would have run right into that burning mansion to try and save him myself. The paper would have read a lot differently had that been the case._

 _It is going to take some time for the Wizarding community to heal after this ordeal. I think that the Sympathizers have been taken care of though. At least, for the time being. There's no way that many more are out there somewhere. We captured their leader and the ones that didn't perish in the battle have been taken to the Vaults at Azkaban. The community is safe. Now what to do about my heart and my job…_

 **Daphne Greengrass-Goyle killed in Sympathizer Explosion at Family Estate  
Details and funeral arrangements forthcoming**

1 October 2009

Demelza Robins

LONDON - Death was not kind to those living in the Goyle Estate earlier this evening when an explosion destroyed the home taking the life of Daphne Greengrass-Goyle. It has been reported that the Sympathizers were holding the family hostage inside the home. Greengrass's body was found in the dungeons by Aurors when the dust finally settled.

Greengrass was survived by her husband and two daughters. Goyle has not come forward with a statement regarding the loss of his wife. However, his sister-in-law, Astoria Greengrass-Malfoy, has expressed sentiments on the whole ordeal.

"The entire family is heartbroken, but we are learning to cope with the loss in the only ways that we know possible. Life without my beloved sister will never be the same, but I will not let my nieces grow up without knowing the wonderful woman that their mother was."

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **5 October 2009: Unsent letter to Draco Malfoy**

 _Draco,_

 _I thought that you were dead that night… I was terrified of never seeing your face again. Even though you and I are not together, I don't know what I would do without you in my life in some way. The thought of this world without you is heartbreaking. I know you are not mine and you can never be mine, but I want you to know that I do still love you. You're like the other half to my soul…_

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **8 October 2009: Unsent letter to Jean and David Granger**

 _Mum and Dad,_

 _I know it's been a little while since I last wrote. I'm sorry for that. Things have been rather difficult here. It's taken care of now and I am getting better. Ginny has decided she's going to retire from playing Quidditch so she can write for the Prophet. I envy her. She'll be able to work from home most days, taking care of her beautiful children. I'm still stuck working at the MLE. That sounds horrible. I love my job. I love making a difference. I just hate working so closely to Draco. I still can't get over it… I feel so weak admitting that. This is not who you raised me to be._

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **14 October 2009: Unsent letter to Pansy Parkinson**

 _Pansy,_

 _Do you realize how much of a saint you are? Having Ron back at the flat has truly helped me mentally. Having someone there when the nightmares take hold makes it easier to come back from the brink of darkness. I don't know how I will ever thank you for pushing him to come back to the flat. Someday, I will find a way to repay you. I promise. And, I am going to try and get Ron to ask you to marry him. He really likes to drag things out._

 _Hermione_

 _PS: You don't have to be worried about stopping by. I don't hate you and I hope that you don't hate me either…_

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **29 October 2009: Travel Log #391  
** _ **London, England**_

 _Things have been improving, I suppose. Having Ron back at the flat certainly helps with the loneliness. I thought it was going to be awkward having him there again but it's been anything but. He does hover quite a bit, especially when I am working on my addendums, but other than that he's ever so helpful. He cooks and cleans. He makes sure I remember to feed the cat and take my depression potions. He wakes me when I'm stuck in a night terror._

 _A part of me wishes I wasn't like this. I hate being a burden on my friends all of the time. He doesn't deserve this. He should be with Pansy at her townhouse and not babysitting my sorry arse. I know he means well. All my friends do. Why am I like this?!_

 _I want to be normal. I hate being depressed and needy! I feel like I don't belong here. I feel like I am not meant to be a part of this world any longer. No… I'm not wishing for death. Not today, anyway. Today has been decent. I haven't even really thought about him… Until now. Damn it. I want to go far, far away to a place where no one knows who I am or what I have done. Once I am done with eradicating all the Pureblood laws I am looking to get as far away from here as possible._

 _Speaking of which, I think I've finally managed to turn my immense research into something cohesive. Slowly, I've been weeding out all of my comments and twisting things into what Kingsley needs to see in order to approve it. If I can keep myself together, I imagine it will only be a few more weeks before I submit this thing for approval. I don't know whether to feel relief or more anxiety over this fact. I'm terrified he will deny my request. I'm terrified that he will approve it._

 _What then?_

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **14 November 2009: Travel Log #392  
** _ **Ministry of Magic, London, England**_

 _I think I am finally done. I think that there is nothing left to do with this project of mine. My final addendum has been written. Now I have to find the courage to submit the damned proposal to Kingsley..._

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **17 November 2009: Unsent letter to Ron Weasley**

 _Ron,_

 _My first instinct was to write to Draco but somehow I resisted. I am trying to keep my promise to you, I swear. I did it. I submitted my proposal to Kingsley and now I feel…_

 _I don't know how I feel. Empty. Relieved. Scared. Hopeful. I don't know. A mix of everything I suppose. Now I shall sit and wait patiently to hear back from him to either approve or deny it._

 _I don't know what I will do if he denies the proposal, Ron. I think I may go insane. I put so much of myself into this project that it's a part of me now._

 _Hermione_

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **17 November 2009: Travel Log #393  
** _ **London, England**_

 _I was not expecting Draco to seek me out this evening. I…_

 _He was scared that I was resigning from my position and leaving the Ministry. And when I reassured him that I was not, in fact, leaving, he asked if we could go back to how we were before. Oh how my heart broke upon hearing that._

 _I had to explain to him that we couldn't. I went on and on about how deep our love went but that, in the end, we were clearly not meant to be. It was hard on both of us. Him more than me surprisingly. I am feeling at peace after the conversation, which is unexpected._

 _I'm meant to be having dinner with Ron and Harry tonight but I'm running late. I'm not sure I am in the right mindset to be in the company of others. I feel like I want to just cuddle up in bed with a cup of tea and a good book. I don't have my research to worry about right now…_

 _Well, it seems as if I don't have a choice in the matter. Ron has come in and insisted that I go. He's right. I shouldn't sit here with my thoughts lest I find myself at Malfoy Manor…_

 _It wouldn't be the first time._

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **20 November 2009: Unsent letter to Ron Weasley**

 _He approved it! Kingsley approved my proposal! Now I can set Draco free!_

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **20 November 2009: Unsent letter to Jean and David Granger**

 _Mum and Dad,_

 _After all these years of torment, I'm finally nearing the end of this journey. I'm going to eradicate these bloody laws and set Draco free. You'll see. Everything will be fine._

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **30 November 2009: Unsent letter to Harry Potter**

 _Harry,_

 _I am so nervous about tomorrow morning. I can't eat or sleep. I'm so thankful you will be there but I'm terrified. What if I get in front of the Wizengamot and can't speak? What if they laugh at me? What if Draco stands up from his seat and walks out in embarrassment? I don't know if I am ready for this! I am going to try and rest but I fear that is definitely not going to happen tonight…_

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **30 November 2009: Unsent letter to Draco Malfoy**

 _Draco,_

 _I beg of you, please do not go to the hearing tomorrow. I don't know if I can do this while staring into your eyes. I'm doing this for you, for us, for everyone else out there who has had to deal with this torment…_

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **1 December 2009: Travel Log #394  
** _ **London, England**_

 _Today has been a whirlwind of epic proportions. I won! My petition to the Wizengamot to eradicate each and every Pureblood law has been approved! I am speechless! After seeing that nearly the entire Wizengamot approved, I fainted! Right there in the middle of the courtroom. How embarrassing but at least it is done now. And despite everything, apparently Draco came to my aid when I passed out. He broke his ankle and had to visit St. Mungo's as well. I was released with strict guidelines to get rest and not push myself._

 _I don't know what to do with myself. I'm in bed at the flat while Ron, Harry, and Ginny prepare a feast at the Burrow to celebrate. I just want to sleep but I also am looking forward to the celebration. I need it after all of this. I told everyone I am going to be fine, and I am, but it was a little difficult to realize that even though I have done all of this, Draco will probably remain with Astoria. The worst part? Part of me knew this all along._

 _I love Draco so much that it aches, but this is how it must be. He has his family and I have… My work. I have my work. I'm taking one last holiday, this time just for me. I already have it planned. I haven't told my parents yet, but I know they will understand that I need to be alone. When I return, I'll be a new person. Maybe I'll even be the person the papers are raving about. Already there have been so many reporters sending owls wanting interviews. I think I'll leave the propaganda to Ginny. As excited as I am about ridding our world of these laws, I'm ready to fade into the background._

 **War Heroine, Hermione Granger, makes history!  
Blood Purity Laws have been Eradicated!**

1 December 2009

Ginny Potter

LONDON - History has been made today in the wizarding world! This day will go down in history alongside Voldemort's defeat as a day of infamy. War Heroine, Hermione Granger, made great strides in moving the world forward. No longer will pureblood witches and wizards be forced to follow laws that are outdated and irrelevant for today's day and age.

Over the past four years, Granger has been working tirelessly doing research, travelling world, and conducting interviews in order to eradicate the Blood Purity laws that have governed the way of life for many years. Thousands of witches and wizards have been affected by these laws, and today they are able to celebrate their freedom from these laws.

The blood, sweat, and tears have gone hand-in-hand with the sleepless nights that it has taken for Granger's proposal to come together. Granger has put so much of herself into this project and for that, the world is grateful. We all now hope that she will take some time for herself and get some rest.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **19 December 2009: Unsent letter to Draco Malfoy**

 _Draco,_

 _Thank you so much for the lovely gift. If ever there was a moment where I wanted to ask you to run away with me, this would be it. I'm leaving on holiday and as much as I want to be alone, I wouldn't say no to having you there if you were so inclined. But let's face it. We both know I'm not going to send this letter. It's going to become just another unsent letter that fills the pages of these journals…_

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **22 December 2009: Travel Log #395  
** _ **Playa Linda Beach Resort, Noord, Aruba**_

 _Out of all the places that I have travelled, I think that this is going to be my favorite. I am already in love with the locals and the resort. It's beautiful. Currently, I am relaxing by the pool, sipping a drink they call an Aruba Blue, and letting my skin soak up the Caribbean sun. For the first time in years… I feel free and relaxed. I don't have my research weighing me down and I don't have a broken heart._

 _It's fragile, but I fear that is always going to be the case. Tomorrow, I intend to explore the island. I wish to visit the market in downtown Oranjestad and learn about the local history. I have to remember to pick up a few trinkets for Harry and Ginny's children. They will love the bright toys! Oh, and I do have to remember to send Harry and Ron letters. Ron, bless him, will forget all about the Christmas gifts I have wrapped and ready to go in my closet._

 _I'm sad to be missing the holidays again, but I need this time alone. And I know… I have gone off on my own so much over these past four years, but this is different. I am healing. When I return, I intend to be as near to whole again as possible. I don't want to be a burden to my friends and family ever again. If that's ever the case, I will go far, far away even if it means I'll be alone forever._

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **23 December 2009: Unsent letter to Theodore Nott**

 _Theo,_

 _There are so many things that I want to say to you. First, I must apologize. For everything. You did not deserve to be treated the way that I treated you. I cheated on you… I will never forgive myself for that. All you ever did was love me and just tainted that with my darkness. I'm different now and I hope that you find it in yourself to come back to London. You don't have to hide away anymore. Besides, I think Blaise could use his best friend. Perhaps there is something more than friendship for the both of you…_

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **23 December 2009: Unsent letter to Blaise Zabini**

 _Blaise,_

 _Of all the people I hurt in the past four years, you are the one I regret the most. I loved you, I want you to understand that. My love for another may have outshined that, but I did love you. I often think about what could have been between you and I had Draco not been lurking in the back of my heart…_

 _I was visiting the northern side of the island here today and couldn't help but remember the times you, Theo, and I spent together. You would love it here. The hot sun, beautifully thrilling water, and the cuisine. It's exactly like the time we all spent together in Venice. Well sort of._

 _Have you ever considered a relationship with Theo… Just the two of you? I want to make up for my mistakes, Blaise. I want you to be happy. Theo too. If I can't be happy, then at least maybe someone else could be..._

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **26 December 2009: Travel Log #397  
** _ **Playa Linda Beach Resort, Noord, Aruba**_

 _I met a very interesting man today at the beach. I was relaxing in the sun when he walked by carrying a larger than normal rubber duck. Only, it was attached to an empty drink container and had a bunch of ropes. I politely asked him what he was doing with the contraption. He explained that he was going to fill the container with water and sand to anchor out in the swimmable area of the ocean in front of the resort. The duck would float in place, and with the ropes attached to it, one could relax on their floaty without worrying about drifting out to sea._

 _It really was quite genius and so I watched as he did exactly as he explained. Then, he and his wife secured the ropes around their wrists and floated out there for a good half an hour. It was genius! When they came back in I told them this and the wife said I was free to use it anytime. I thanked them and actually did use it once before I was done at the beach for the day. I am sure I'll do so again tomorrow too._

 _I will have to remember to tell Arthur that apparently there is a proper function for a rubber duck! Now I am going to prepare for dinner. I can't believe my time here is going by so quickly. It's been so much fun. I'm thankful for the kind people I've met and the sights I have seen. I may never go home!_

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **28 December 2009: Unsent letter to Ron Weasley**

 _Ron,_

 _I had the urge to write to Draco today but somehow resisted. The urges are becoming less frequent, but I worry that they will intensify once I return to London. I know now that my life will never be aligned with his outside of work, but that doesn't make it any easier. What if I decided to stay here? There are no witches or wizards on the island. I could be the only one. I could give up my magic and live as a Muggle. It wouldn't be so bad. This place is so beautiful, Ron. I don't know what to do._

 _Hermione_

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **30 December 2009: Travel Log #400  
** _ **California Lighthouse, Noord, Aruba**_

 _My time here in this beautiful place is coming to an end. I have just one page of my travel log journal to write upon so I will do it today and be done with this forever._

 _I'm standing at the northernmost part of the island looking at the two conflicting sides of the sea. To the south, the sea is calm, tranquil, a safe place to swim and explore. To the north, the sea twists and churns, a most dangerous place that would take you under without a second glance. But both sides have qualities that are beautiful. One is chaos while the other is order. Both of which we need in our lives to survive._

 _The tranquil sea is no more beautiful than the wicked waves of the northern coast and I feel as if that is the perfect way to describe the journey I took these past four years. I have gone through hell both of my own doing and that of others. But I have survived. Somehow, I have survived all of it. I know I keep saying that I wanted it all to end and that I wish I could just disappear, but I can't do that._

 _That's not who I am. I may be more than a mess at times and unsure of what tomorrow brings, but I am not a coward. I am brave, and brilliant, and at times, beautiful. I will return to my life and keep on living and loving because that is what I have to do. I am Hermione Granger and I will try and remember that no matter what is thrown my way._

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 **31 December 2009: Unsent letter to Hermione Granger**

 _Dear Future Self,_

 _There are always going to be days where you can't imagine taking another breath. Only, instead of sinking, remember to fly. This life is too beautiful to just throw it all away. You're far too strong for that. It doesn't matter if the weight of the world seems more than you can carry. Don't give up on yourself. You can do this. You are stronger than you think. Just look at all you have done for the world._

 _And don't be so hard on your heart. Love will find you one day. It may not be in the way in which you thought, but it is out there, somewhere, waiting for you to stumble upon it. And when you do, don't let it go. Do you understand? Fight for it. Fight others for it if you need to. You deserve to be loved. I promise you it will be okay._

 _Most importantly, take care of yourself first. For far too long, you have put your needs behind those of everything else. That is not going to help you. Remember who you are, okay? You're brave, brilliant, and beautiful. You said so yourself. Love yourself for if you can do that, others will love you too. Don't be afraid of what the future holds. You are always going to be scared but don't let that fear consume you. Grow from it. Grab hold of your inner strength and don't ever let go._

 _Love,_

 _Hermione J. Granger_

* * *

If ever you feel like the life is far too much to handle, please reach out to someone. You are never alone. xxDustNight


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